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I’m betting few people reading this ever watched the show “The New Normal” on NBC, which lasted just one season and was canceled due to abysmal ratings (even by NBC’s lowered standards); this was a half-hour sitcom featuring a gay couple (one of them a handsome obstetrician played by Justin Bartha and the other a funny-looking, flamboyant flake who was based on Ryan Murphy, the creator of “Glee” and “American Horror Story”) who lived in LA and came in constant conflict with a conservative Christian real estate broker from Ohio played by Ellen Barkin (whose character was a GREAT-GRANDMOTHER on this show…which is hilarious for anyone who knows how vain and nasty Ellen Barkin has behaved on sound stages for decades; just about the only good thing about the show for a lot of people was that Ellen Barkin now looks old enough to play someone’s GREAT-GRANDMOTHER). ”The New Normal” was NBC’s attempt at recapturing the spirit of “All in the Family”, but inverting everything: so instead of arch-conservative and crotchety Archie Bunker the show centered around an unyieldingly-closed-minded gay couple who embodied everything the Left represents in 2013 (with the guys going to bed every night with a picture of Barack Obama next to their alarm clock and waking up the next day to twist every conversation into an opportunity to bash, malign, and ridicule those with differing political beliefs).
I actually thought the show was funny and enjoyed it because — surprisingly — “The New Normal” was pretty much equal-opportunity in its political humor. While the lead gay characters mocked Ellen Barkin’s conservative GREAT-GRANDMOTHER (I just can’t get enough of the fact that they cast her for this part!) from Ohio, she more often than not made them look foolish, naive, and delusional for all of the Lefty talking points they regularly spouted. In fact, I think at the end of an episode the Left looked more ridiculous than ever, because nine times out of ten the gay guys could not articulate a sound reason behind the things they were saying, just that because they heard them on MSNBC so it must be true. This is probably why the show tanked on NBC (a network that the Left trusts to provide a steady stream of Democrat propaganda, like it does on Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Fallon, and everything NBC News broadcasts), since the Left always wants to be perceived as the smartest people in any room…and they don’t like anyone seeing that they mostly have no idea what they are talking about and rely heavily on canned sound bytes they parrot from the tee-vee.
Probably the most memorable thing the show did was to address the issue of gays in the Boy Scouts (in Episode 20: About A Boy Scout)…but I disagree with the take “The New Normal” had on this, since it insisted that a gay former scout should naturally progress into being a gay scout master after he ages out of Boy Scouts…which I think is an inappropriate role for an adult gay man. But, I also don’t think that lesbians should be coaches of girls’ basketball and volleyball programs in high school…though I don’t think I’ve ever met a heterosexual woman who coached either of those sports (and I’ve only known a few who’ve even played them).
I have no reservations with gay guys being troop leaders for the Girl Scouts…and for lesbians being scout masters for Boy Scouts. I actually think this arrangement would be pretty fabulous, because if you made gay guys in charge of flailing Girl Scout troops they’d stage cookie-selling production numbers that would put Troop Beverly Hills to shame. Similarly, the crafty, frugal, outdoorsy, and always-practical lesbians of the world would be able to teach little boys survival skills and how to rebuild a carburetor or two (no joke: lesbians are amazing, like these magical Valkyries that can swoop in and fix anything…and do it all under budget!).
I would think it was inappropriate to have a straight man lead a Girl Scout troop, though…regardless of his best intentions. I wouldn’t be as automatically opposed to a straight woman leading a bunch of Boy Scouts, if she was a mom and not a predatory “cougar” who enjoys the company of younger men. There’s just a bad energy about straight guys being in charge of little girls…and I think that same energy is there if gay guys would be Scout Masters to little boys. Let’s remove that sort of energy entirely by not creating situations that naturally feel inappropriate like this. If you are an adult who is sexually attracted to other males, then impressionable young boys shouldn’t be under your direction ever; if you are an adult female who is sexually attracted to other females, then young girls should not be under your direction either. For heterosexuals, it should be the opposite situation, with adults never exclusively in charge of opposite-sex youngsters.
Personally, as a gay man I am suspicious of any other gay guy who makes a stink and demands to be put in charge of a bunch of little boys…as some are doing in pressuring the Boy Scouts to allow gay scoutmasters. I think the organization should fold and close up shop before they’d allow this to happen. If you spend any time in the gay community you will know that there indeed exist predatory older gays who hunt younger guys (called “chicken” in gay slang); these older men are “chicken-hawks” who are typically in their 50s and 60s and seem to be attempting to reclaim their own youth by fixating on the barely-legal “trade” that flows through the bars. I also feel like they are attempting to be youth-vampires and at the end of their lives they want to be around as much bare, young flesh as possible in hopes of rejuvenating themselves.
A really easy place to scope out this behavior is in a bar like The Lucky Horseshoe, where guys who look like they could be grandfathers (or great-grandfathers) blow their whole social security checks by stuffing singles into the jocks of the young, buff dancers at “The Shoe”. A lot of married, straight men also seem to be attracted to young guys who could be the ages of their own sons; there in fact is a very vocal and active subset of the gay community that fetishizes over “Daddy/Son” relationships…and one very common fantasy is that of a scoutmaster seducing a boy scout in a pup tent. This is so prevalent that at Halloween most of the young gay “twinks” (under 25 and slim of build) will dress up as boy scouts if they can’t think of anything more creative for Halloween costumes…since they know the outfit will appeal to enough older guys to guarantee they won’t buy a single drink in any bar that night.
[ Bradley Thomas Balof when he's at his day job, teaching at Chicago's public Joseph Stockton Elementary School on Beacon Street ]
The pictures at the top of this article are from Sidetrack the Video Bar’s website, showing Bradley Thomas Balof ( a Chicago Public school teacher at Stockton Elementary no less) moonlighting as the MC of Sidetrack’s Halloween costume contest last year, dolled up as…a Boy Scout. His “comedy stylings” during this event included lots of sexual jokes about being a randy Boy Scout and provocative dancing/flirting with the contestants as a stereotypical “gay Boy Scout”. Balof is pushing 40 but has worn this Boy Scout costume repeatedly through the years…so it appears to be a favorite in his fetish closet (note the “hickeys” he painted all over his neck for his costume, which he purposefully did to emphasize that he was supposed to be a highly sexualized Boy Scout). Balof is very much not alone in the gay community in his attraction to the Boy Scout motif; a good number of gay men find Boy Scouts sexy in the way that straight women lust after strippers dressed up as Navy officers, firemen, and the rest of the cast of Magic Mike.
Boy Scouts are right up there with Cowboys, Policemen, and Superheroes as sexual fetish objects for gay guys.
Based on my observations of the gay community since I came out at 18, I think allowing gays to be scoutmasters is like putting Otis the town drunk in charge of your bar’s liquor inventory. It’s just a situation that could end so horribly (even if Otis swears he never meant any harm)…so why on Earth would you do this when other people are available to run your bar? The fact that Otis is so eager to have that job just automatically makes me wonder what he intends to do when no one is looking. He’s an alcoholic…but he wants to work in a bar even though there are other jobs he could be doing where he wouldn’t be tempted to do bad things; that’s like Oprah suddenly deciding she wants to work in a bakery, even though she clearly doesn’t need to be doing that for the money (so you need to realize she just loves being around the delicious, delicious cakes). If every alarm bell is not going off in your head over an oddity like that, then something’s wrong with you. Get real!
It’s a whole different story when it comes to young gay boys who want to be part of the scouting experience, though. These boys might realize they are gay but aren’t sexualized yet..and aren’t joining scouts for sexual experiences. At that tender young age, they more likely than not just find other boys to be fascinating and intriguing…in ways they can’t yet process mentally as sexual feelings. I don’t think a boy under the age of 18 should be denied membership in a scouting group because he’s openly gay (or suspected of being gay, if adults can pick up on this about him even if he has not realized it yet himself)…but I think that scoutmasters should keep an eye on him…just as they should be keeping an eye on all the boys to make sure that no hazing, inappropriate conduct, or anything sexual is ever happening on those scouting trips.
Once a guy is 18, if he’s gay then he needs to understand that his role in scouting is over…unless he wants to become a fundraiser and support a troop in an administrative capacity. But, it’s just not appropriate for him to be a scoutmaster and be left alone with a group of boys. I think it is just common sense for a gay man to automatically avoid any situation where he could ever even be remotely accused of doing anything bad to a little boy…unless that guy really is a chicken-hawk who maneuvered himself into that position to take advantage of his role. I have a hard time believing that a gay guy who is insisting on becoming a scoutmaster ISN’T up to something ulterior in doing that, when nothing is stopping him from graduating from scouting and helping the organization in other administrative ways. Or just moving on with his life and finding adult interests to pursue…like 90% of the rest of guys do when they age out of scouting.
I know the Left screams that these gay men should be allowed to become scoutmasters if they want…but I think we need to get real and see that there’s something wrong with a person who can’t leave childhood behind and wants to continue being a part of a Boy Scout troop into his twenties and thirties (and beyond). Grow up! Join an adult-league sports team or get a job with the US Forest Service if you really love this stuff so much and want to make a career of it (or if you have Peter Pan syndrome and can’t graduate from childhood). But, leave the scoutmaster role to straight men who hopefully have sons of their own and allow those guys to have that experience…and you can create a role of your own as a fundraiser, administrative support person, or something else appropriate that allows you to continue helping the organization you loved as a boy…but in a new role unique to you now that you are a grown-ass man.
Even better: channel Shelley Long and seek out that struggling Girl Scout troop and coach them into winning their cookie drive or help them with their arts and crafts…and leave being a Boy Scout troop leader to the straight men…or to lesbians (who, frankly, would do a better job at this than anyone anyway).
QUESTION FOR COMMENTS: Do you think there’s something inherently wrong with a gay man who won’t move on with his life and still wants to be part of Boy Scouts when he’s over 18? I am a 36 year old gay man telling you that I think there is something wrong with the gay guys who insist on being scoutmasters…so it is completely appropriate if you feel this way too.
© 2013, Kevin DuJan. All rights reserved.
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