[h/t Governor Palin for sharing this video, “Road to Nowhere,” via Breitbart today.]
Ted Cruz is someone who has always given me the creeps and heebie-jeebies, though I’ve never been able to figure out why. His wife Heidi also sets of warning bells in my brain, though to a lesser extent. She comes across to me as someone who is married to a very strange and bizarre man and the oddness about her fits with her being a woman who protects the secret(s) of her strange husband. Cruz jives perfectly with being a man whose face strains to hide something dark and unacceptable that he conceals from the world. I just have never been able to figure out what that secret is.
I don’t think that Cruz is secretly gay, because that’s a totally different sort of look on a man’s face. Closeted gay men give themselves away in their eyes and other gay men (at least) can see that they are diverting great energy to obsessively ensuring that no one figures out their secret when they are talking and interacting with others. It’s like a computer whose memory and operating system resources are being diverted to the BUTCH IT UP program, and everything else runs clunkily as a result. One great example of this is Lindsey Graham, because you have to be blind not to see it in his face, especially around the Bette Davis eyes:
But, this is not what I see when I look at Ted Cruz. I don’t think that Cruz is gay, or even bi, but I think he’s hiding something else and Heidi’s clearly in on whatever that secret is and protects it for Cruz.
Over the last year, several people have brought this topic up in conversation with me separately. Every time it’s happened, the person wanting to speculate on what Cruz’s secret could be had reached a point where he or she just couldn’t take it any longer…they all had to talk about it with someone, but they didn’t want to gossip. Ted Cruz is a sitting United States Senator and he ran for president…and like him or not people wanted to give him respect. I think everyone can tell that there is something off and something wrong about Cruz, but no one wanted to offer any private theories on what his secret could be. Though everyone agreed he looked like he’s hiding SOMETHING. Here’s a rundown of some of the theories for what Ted Cruz could be hiding:
1. More than one person has raised the question whether Ted Cruz is a cross-dresser at home. There’s something about his face where he looks like he recently was wearing makeup. If you know any drag queens, even when they are dressed as men and are not performing, their faces look like they were wearing makeup yesterday. The makeup doesn’t totally come off, or their faces just become so used to wearing the makeup that it leaves an impression. I’ve never done drag, so I’m not sure exactly how this works. But several people I know have wondered if at home Ted becomes Teddi and if Heidi helps him apply his makeup or shops for his alter ego’s clothes. He’s straight…but enjoys cross-dressing. He wants to stay a male and is not transgender, but enjoys dressing up like a woman when no one else is around. The Amazon Prime tee-vee show Transparent has characters like this; one memorable episode from Season One (Ep:8, “Best New Girl”) was a flashback to the 1980s, where Jeffrey Tabor’s cross-dressing character Mort heads to a wilderness retreat with other married men who like to wear women’s clothes. None of them identify as gay and even get upset and puff up when someone would imply that they were gay. They insisted they were real men…who just enjoyed dolling themselves up to unwind and relax. Many of these men brought their wives along to the retreat, where they helped them with their makeup and wigs and accessorizing their fancy outfits. I can easily picture Ted and Heidi Cruz being part of a group like this. Watch just this episode for yourself and see if you get the same vibe.
2. Since there is a difference between being a transvestite (a man who enjoys wearing women’s clothes but wants to stay a man) and being transexual (a man who wants to change his gender to female), perhaps Ted Cruz’s dark secret that telegraphs across his face is that he in his heart is a transexual but can never admit it openly or do anything about it. If you remember Bruce Jenner before he became glamorous socialite Caitlyn Jenner, Bruce always had a strained, strange look on his face that telegraphed that something was not right about him. Now that he’s transitioned into Caitlyn, that look on his face is gone. It was replaced by relief and happiness. A lot of people I know have mocked Caitlyn (and Bruce for transitioning into Caitlyn), but I beg you to be charitable towards her and to respect her transition. Here in Chicago, I personally know several transmen (people who were born female and raised as girls but who felt they were in the wrong bodies and transitioned into living their lives as males later in life). In pictures from when they were living as female, there is a clear sense of “off” and “struggle” on their faces that is completely gone now that they have transitioned. I don’t know any transgender male-t0-female people, but using the Caitlyn Jenner example, it jives with the transmen that I do know. I wonder if Ted Cruz is someone tortured by the fact that he, like Bruce Jenner, would like to transition into being female but because he is a public figure he knows he can never do that. In one of the interviews that Caitlyn gave after debuting for the first time in her glamorous socialite form (as opposed to the Olympic athlete that Bruce Jenner was), she revealed that Bruce’s wife Kris Jenner knew that s/he was transgendered and supported him/her for years, helping him/her shop and learn how to do her makeup and how to wear wigs etc. When no one else was home, Bruce would put on fancy cocktail dresses and glam himself up as Caitlyn and Kris would be loving and supportive and help Caitlyn emerge. Is Heidi Cruz doing something similar for her husband Ted at home, though Ted knows he can never transition publicly and live his life as a woman the way that Olympian Bruce transitioned into socialite Caitlyn? Look at Bruce’s face before he transitioned: do you see similarities to the struggle on Ted Cruz’s face? When I look at old photos of Bruce, his face is hiding a secret different from Lindsey Graham (who is closeted gay). Ted Cruz’s weird face to me looks more like Bruce’s than Lindsey’s, leading me to believe that it’s more likely that Ted hides a transgender or transvestite secret than being secretly gay.
3. If we assume that Ted Cruz is not secretly gay or a transvestite or transgender, then what else could his secret be? The next option would be that he is into really weird sexual things that he doesn’t want the world to know about (and I don’t much want to think about here at breakfast time). Every year in Chicago, there is a leather fetish festival called IML (International Mr. Leather). This is held over Memorial Day weekend downtown and people come from all over the world to participate. Men who are doctors, lawyers, accountants, school teachers, etc. and have to live a buttoned-down, buttoned-up life hiding their passions and perversions have this one weekend a year to let their freak flags fly. Some guys who come to IML just like walking around bare chested in harnesses with ass-less leather chaps and leather police hats and wearing chains and all of that, like a Tom of Finland drawing. Others are into deeper fetishes, like dressing up as a dog and being treated like a dog; drinking other people’s urine; dressing up as a “pony” and pretending to be a horse or some other animal; wearing diapers and bibs and pretending to be an “Adult Baby Diaper Lover” (ABDL); or just engaging in the kind of Bondage or Domination play that the public got a largely vanilla taste of in that 50 Shades of Grey book series. The people who are into these kinds of fetishes give off a vibe that they are into something that they have to hide. For the 51 weeks a year when they are NOT at IML, if you encounter these people at the supermarket or dentist’s office or library or wherever, they would be running a program in their heads that goes PLEASE DON’T FIGURE IT OUT, PLEASE DON’T FIGURE IT OUT, PLEASE DON’T FIGURE IT OUT…hoping you never pick up any clues or figure out whatever dark thing they are into sexually with their fetish. The more money these people have, the more elaborate their indulging of the fetish. For instance, some of these people who are doctors or lawyers or businessmen have well-stocked and expensive leather dungeons and play rooms in their homes; these are locked rooms full of various sex toys and equipment, themed to whatever their personal fetish is. A lot of these men are married and their wives allow them to have one weekend a year to go “play” in Chicago. If you see photos of them taken during the 51 weeks a year when they have to hide who they really are and compare it to what their faces look like during IML, it is night and day. When they are able to turn off the program running in the background devoted to PLEASE DON’T FIGURE IT OUT, their faces relax and the “off” vibe goes away. Could Ted Cruz have an ABDL fetish, where he dresses up in Pampers and rolls around on the floor with a pacifier in his mouth in a secret nursery he’s built inside his mansion, with his wife Heidi participating and playing along as his “mommy,” feeding and changing and and spanking him? There are stranger people who attend IML…and Cruz sure would have the resources to keep such a secret hidden.
4. Is Cruz’s secret darker? I hate to say it, but he’s always given me a Norman Bates/serial killer kind of vibe. People who have this don’t necessarily have to have actually killed, but could be a serial killer who just never had the opportunity in life to act on that. These people seem to be those who listen to dark, heavy metal music behind closed doors or watch torture porn or other extreme videos when no one can see them. Is that Cruz’s secret? Is he into sick, depraved things and does Heidi enable this and look the other way for her husband? Remember that episode of Friends where Monica thought Chandler was into shark porn and enjoyed masturbating to videos of bloody shark attacks? She loved him at that point, and was willing to let him gratify himself to JAWS if it meant saving their relationship. Is Ted Cruz into something incredibly weird that Heidi allows and facilitates (or looks the other way over) to keep their marriage going? Wives do this kind of thing all the time.
5. Does Cruz have delusions or mental illness that he keeps hidden from the world but Heidi knows about? Many years ago, I worked in a bookstore while in college and one of the regular customers was strange but I never could figure out why I thought he was strange. Other people who worked in the store with me liked him; he was a grandfatherly type and was a regular customer who would always buy whatever Preferred Reader card or other dumb stuff that corporate would make us sell to people. But when he talked to you, there was a weirdness in his eyes and I started to feel like he was wearing a costume when he walked around as the grandfatherly guy…and that inside he was something else entirely or saw himself as something different or had something else totally going on behind the eyes. I didn’t know what his deal was, but the more encounters I had with this guy the more that I started to figure out that when he was talking to one of us in the store that inside his head something else was playing on a screen in his brain behind his eyes. And then one day it happened. The store was mostly empty near closing time. I was shelving books in the religious section, and the nice grandfatherly guy started talking to me about the apocalypse. This was in 1995 or so, before the Internet. Back then, the only people who talked about the apocalypse were people who were traumatized as kids in the 50s/60s with the Cold War’s “The Russians Are Going to Nuke Us, So Learn to Hide Under Your Desks!” scaremongering. These were people who would wait until they got to know you well before they would take you into their confidence and tell you about their conspiracy theories about how the world was destined to end. Because they knew that once they shared this secret with you that you would most likely think they were crazy and not speak to them again, they were very careful with whom they brought into their confidence. That grandfatherly man had a very complicated apocalypse scenario he shared with me one night, involving demons and Soviets and nukes and the Gates of Hell opening and the Rapture (which I heard about for the first time from him) etc. It went on for a good 15 minutes and his face changed during that time. He unburdened himself and the strained visage that seemed tortured by secrets disappeared and this sense of calm spread across his face. He let me in on what he was hiding, and it was that he was completely absorbed by his conspiracy theory/apocalypse nightmare. This is who this man really was…and it took all his effort normally to hide the passion for death and destruction that he kept playing in his brain behind the grandfatherly facade. When I did not share in his zeal for apocalypse and he realized it, he got nasty with me, stomped off, and never spoke to me again because he decided I was “too stupid” to see the truth.
In life, if someone gives you the creeps or if you have a vibe that someone is “off,” then I believe you should trust your instincts. If you think someone is hiding something but you can’t figure out what it is, then that person is probably hiding something (though you may never know what it is). Ted Cruz has always concerned me because his face tells me that he is hiding something, but I don’t know what it is. I do get the feeling that whatever he is hiding it is worse than what normal politicians are hiding. I also believe that his wife Heidi is in on it, knows what it is, enables Cruz, and helps him hide it from the public.
Maybe he’s wearing a bra and panties set under his suits. Maybe he’s a woman trapped in the body of a man like socialite Caitlyn Jenner was trapped inside Olympian Bruce. Maybe Ted Cruz is secretly an adult baby and is only happy when dolled up and pampered by Heidi in an oversized crib in their basement. Perhaps Cruz is into shark porn or walks around all day convinced that today is the day that the Rapture is going to happen and it takes every ounce of self-control not to shout that at the top of his lungs like lunatics do on the street corners of Chicago.
There is something very wrong about this man that has always made me want to stay away from him and his wife. I’ve just never been able to figure out what it is. But, it’s certainly something. And whatever it is, it is BAD.
Do you see this too? What are your theories on what Cruz could be hiding?
© 2016, Kevin DuJan. All rights reserved.
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