Posts Tagged ‘Werewolves
The Case of the Muttering Mummies: by Patricia Melton and the Mineral City Coffee Club
Dear HillBuzz,
My name is Patricia Melton (but you can call me Pattymelt, because everyone in town does, as it’s easier to say, despite the fact I don’t especially like those sorts of sandwiches) and I am the President-for-Life of the Mineral City Coffee Club, the preeminent Coffee Club in all of posteminent Central Ohio, where I also run a successful aquaculture farm, raise cat-babies of varying abilities and talents, endeavor to keep my husband Earl out of jam or model train related danger, and solve complicated local and international mysteries while occasionally accidentally reading other people’s mail (by mistake, when it is sometimes delivered to my house already opened (I think the squirrels do that, as some of the mail smells slightly of pecans), or it falls onto my ironing board while I’m watching the TIVO my son Robby set up for me and the mail accidentally pops right open and falls onto the floor face-up so I’d have to be blind or stupid (or a Member of the United States Congress) not to read it. And my vision is 20/20, thank you very much – as if I’d ever purposefully open anyone else’s mail and then tell everyone at church about what terrible things they are up to, because that’s not what church is for, Father Markey keeps telling me).
Read the rest of this entry »
Search Term Hillarity
It’s fascinating to us what search terms lead many of you to this site.
More people want to learn about werewolves, Pharaoh Hatshepsut, hot guys, and Alcatraz than we ever dreamed possible.
And they come to a snarky Hillary Clinton website to do that.
Maybe one day we’ll write an essay all about the hot guys Pharaoh Hatshepsut rescued from werewolves by sending them into the future to hide out in Alcatraz and make everyone ridiculously happy.
Hillarious!
Nothing screams Christmas like…WEREWOLVES
Merry Christmas!
The Christmas windows in New York’s stores were largely a disappointment this year (as the sales returns were to the stores themselves, no doubt), with the exception of Bergdorf Goodman’s (ironically, the store hurting the most in this economy…where the previously cold and aloof salespeople were equal parts faux-warm/friendly and very truly desperate through the holidays. That look they typically give of, “I hate you, peasants” has most definitely been replaced with a whole new attitude of, “I hate you, peasants. Now please buy an $800 sweater because I am three months away from losing my co-op. Peasants”).
The Christmas werewolves were brilliant.
They work on so many levels too.
For us, they immediately made us think of Sarah Palin, and how next year we’re going to Alaska for Christmas so we can see her in person at the open house she holds in the Governor’s mansion in Juneau (this year, it was on December 9th, with Todd, Piper, and Lil’ Trig in a Santa suit too!). It’s really funny Christmas werewolves made us realize this, but all of us here love Sarah Palin and that’s just not going away. It’s different than how we feel about Hillary Clinton (which has never involved werewolves, winter, or wild animals of any kind), but just as powerful, because we like them both for different reasons, and admire different things about them. America certainly has not heard the last of either one of them…and just as Hillary makes us think about health care and energy independence and the rights of women and children worldwide, Sarah makes us think about wildlife, natural resources, small town America, and oil pipelines. And werewolves, apparently.
Which, in the Bergdorf windows, are a fitting metaphor for the retail season in general: the fighting, tooth-gnashing, snarling, and rage that goes into the whole affair, whether you’re talking about bargain hunters going crazy or bg executives howling over sales figures. They also seem like the economy depicted as boogeymen, scaring shoppers away by the light of the New York moon. Not sure if that’s what Bergdorf’s was going for, but there it is.
One of us here at HillBuzz got his very first job in high school designing window displays in a little downtown mall called The Galleria in Cleveland, Ohio. So, we collectively have hundreds upon hundreds of photos of window displays through the years. This is the first time, going back to at least 1993, that we haven’t come back from New York blown away by Macy’s, Saks, Bloomingdales, Lord & Taylor’s, and the other big stores. It really feels like all of their budgets were cut, and Bergdorf’s just said, “Hell, just f*** it. Go nuts. Bring out the werewolves, nobody’s buying **** anyway, might as well scare some children.”
