Posts Tagged ‘Oprah
File this under “couldn’t happen to a more deserving Charybdis”.
It looks like OWN (which stands for “Oprah’s Weird Noises”) might be going under. Better start TIVO-ing now in case you hate yourself and anticipate some weird need to inflict hours of pain on your eye sockets in the future…because it looks like OWN won’t be on the air much longer.
Reports are in that Rosie O’Donnell — who moved to Chicago last year to film her TV show on OWN — is now selling her house here in Boystown and moving back to New York.
About two dozen people have been watching O’Donnell’s terrible show on OWN — but the production facilities for this train wreck are located in the old Harpo Studios where Oprah’s old show used to be filmed.
There’s no way that Rosie’s show would move to New York with her and leave Harpo Studios abandoned — so it looks like O’Donnell’s one and done in terms of years her show was on OWN. She could never land any big guests and was never able to recapture the fame and magic that was her “The Rosie O’Donnell Show” back when she was in syndication (and still pretending she had crushes on Scott Wolf, Tom Cruise, John Travolta…and Liberace, no doubt, if she kept penciling in similar guys into that wacky Mad Lib of hers).
If you recall, Rosie was supposed to save OWN from ruin. Looks like that didn’t work out any better than Oprah’s endorsement of Barack Obama as “The One” who would descend from the heavens and solve all the world’s problems.
Oprah’s got a heap of problems these days that Rosie sure couldn’t solve, apparently.
I do admit it’s been fun having O’Donnell living about four blocks away in Boystown though; on Saturdays, for a while (until she bought everything she needed, apparently) it was easy to spot her in Target and she went to Sidetrack’s a few times to sing Show Tunes. Rosie travels with a harem of women everywhere she goes and is almost always nice to people (the women she’s with are horrible, though…the obnoxious, loud, high-pitched, and spoiled types that make gay guys cringe). Regardless of how she behaves herself in front of the TV cameras these days, in person she was fun to have in the neighborhood. Unlike with Oprah, it will be sad to see Rosie go.
I can’t help having double portions of schadenfreude for breakfast today though regarding the fate of OWN. With Rosie out of the picture, Oprah’s going to be pressed to dream up new and even weirder noises to make to keep her terrible, terrible, painful-to-watch network on the air.
Like I said at the top…couldn’t happen to a more deserving Charybdis.
Nikki Finke over at DeadlineHollywood reported today that Oprah Winfrey — the now and forever Charybdis of Lake Michigan (as she was affectionately known when she was still berthed here in Chicago) — has taken to Twitter to beg people to watch OWN (Oprah’s Weird Noises), the failed cable channel that has just dozens of viewers at any given time.
What’s saddest about this is that Oprah’s so out of touch with reality at this point that the
charybdis woman doesn’t even seem to know how the Nielsen TV ratings work. There’s no “box”, like it’s a flight crash recorder on an airplane or something magical that arrives at a person’s house.
I was only a Nielsen household once in my life, in the late-90s, and back then I was issued a notebook to record by hand (or hoof/flipper, in Oprah’s case) everything watched on every TV in my home. I believe I had to do this for a two week period — and remember a crips, never circulated, absolutely pristine $5 bill was included with the notebook as a thank you for doing this.
Today, I bet the Nielsens work differently and a record is kept digitally somehow. I doubt, however, the company sends people “a box”, since I’d imagine they’d lose a fortune on those who “lost” that box and never returned it.
No one in the media ever seems to write about this, but I can’t do an article on Oprah without noting that he popularity waned the moment she went all-in for Barack Obama in 2008. It was obvious to a great many people that the only reason Oprah did this was because of Obama’s skin color. It’s very similar to how people like Samuel L. Jackson openly talk about supporting Obama because “he is a black man”. Racism is alive and well in this country — but it’s black people who engage in it the most, particularly in the voting booth.
While it’s true that OWN (Oprah’s Weird Noises) was flawed at its premise (an entire network dedicated to weird noises Oprah personally makes, or assigns to friends to make) and occupies a slot so far up the cable dial that most viewers never realize it’s there, I think the biggest reason for her loss of power was the simple fact that her support for Obama collapsed the decades-old charade that Oprah “transcended race”.
Oprah sided with the black man against the white woman in the 2008 primaries — and the mostly white women in her audience took note and have remembered that.
Her magazine sales plummeted. Her ratings nosedived. Then her new endeavor, OWN, bombed no matter how much chili she ate to summon her creative juices for programming content.
Couldn’t happen to a more deserving, racist, power-glutton.
Charybdis in Deep Trouble: Oprah’s Weird Noises (OWN) Network Cutting Longtime Staffers in Desperate Bid to Survive
This couldn’t be happening to a more deserving charybdis: Oprah Winfrey’s shipwreck of a network, the Oprah’s Weird Noises (OWN) channel that replaced Discovery Health on your cable dial, has just fired Lisa Erspamer — a woman who worked for Oprah for almost 20 years and was responsible for most of her biggest successes.
Only dozens of people (and a few household plants and animals) tune into OWN. You might not even realize it, but Rosie O’Donnell moved to Chicago to takeover Harpo Studios and tape a new daily talk show for OWN. Rosie actually lives down the street and two blocks over from me here in Chicago — and enjoys going out in Boystown to sing showtunes in the bars at least one Monday a month. But, she’s a real grouch when she’s shopping at the local Target and doesn’t seem to be coping well with the fact that it’s been over a decade since she was America’s TV darling.
The ratings for Rosie are in the toilet, and it looks like Erspamer is getting the blame.
This is all interesting because it’s reminiscent of what’s going on in the White House right now with the man Oprah deemed “The One”. Rahm Emanuel was blamed for the Obama administration’s failures and then shown the door…and the same thing’s happened to his replacement Bill Daley. Oprah fired Erspamer and notified her by email at the same time everyone else on the staff found out she was terminated — humiliating the woman while Oprah herself was on a vacation in India (hoping, it seems, to be mistaken as some sort of Hindu deity, since they worship large, obnoxious ungulates there).
When you’ve failed so spectacularly that you need to start lashing out at the high profile people who have surrounded you for years — and who are actually most responsible for the few successes you’ve enjoyed — then you are in deep, deep trouble and no amount of curry or chicken vindaloo is going to make you feel better (though it could summon more of those weird noises your network is based on, depending on how well your stomach handles it all).
Without Erspamer, Oprah’s now solely responsible for the newer and even weirder noises she needs to fill OWN’s broadcasting day. Rosie’s been no help (which is shocking, considering who she herself is), but maybe in January 2012 when Obama’s unemployed he can fill a few hours on OWN giving golf tips or going on about how racist everyone is because he wasn’t given a second term.
Oprah and “The One” are forever linked because of the shilling she did for him in 2008.
Their fates certainly seem to be quite intertwined.
[ Click above to embiggen — if you dare ]
Oprah Winfrey — the now and forever Charybdis of Lake Michigan, regardless of what coastline she currently hunts — has refused to endorse Barack Obama for re-election and will not provide him with free advertising on her OWN (Oprah’s Weird Noises) cable channel or splashy campaign appearances in 2012.
This is a stark contrast to the fool Oprah made of herself pushing Obama onto her viewership in 2008 — when Oprah made the mostly racially-motivated decision to go all-in for Obama because his skin was approximately the same color as hers.
Back then, she called Obama “The One” — a dream child sent from the stars to solve all the world’s problems with a unique brand of unicorn-summoning magic that Oprah vouched for aggressively. In 2012, with the Oprah’s Weird Noises network struggling to attract dozens of viewers nightly, a floundering Oprah has seemingly realized the great disservice she did to her career by foisting Obama on the public.
Looks like she’s taking a big, steaming number two on “The One”, as only Oprah Winfrey can.
I’m happy she’s no longer living here in Chicago and is now haunting California where this charybdis is the West Coast’s problem (and bane of baleens from the bays of San Francisco to Baja, no doubt). I think it says a lot about the woman that in the year or so since she’s been out of Illinois, there isn’t anyone here who has ever seemed to miss her. Frankly, it’s as if she never existed at all.
That’s apparently what’s happened with her viewership now that she’s off daytime syndicated TV and is in charge of the Oprah’s Weird Noises network — where there isn’t as much of a market for her weird noises as the charybdis believed.
Hopeychange didn’t work out for Oprah any better than it did for the rest of the country, apparently.
What’s the most interesting thing you learned today?
What stories are you looking forward to hearing more about tomorrow?
What are people talking about in your part of the country?
Today was a hugely successful one for me. I finally got Justin to make a photoshop for me that I’ve been wanting to use whenever we run a story about Oprah, the Charybdis of Lake Michigan. Justin is hard to focus on anything, and it’s almost impossible to tear him away from video games, but ever since we saw “The Undefeated” on a drive up to Milwaukee, he’s been wanting to help do something to fight back against the Left.
Using his artistic and technical talents to create interesting photo shops to lampoon figures on the Left is a great use of Justin’s abilities.
He’s at the point where he has the passion, and there are things he wants to say and do, but because he’s never been politically involved before he doesn’t have the confidence to take that next step.
I’m sure a lot of people out there are in the same boat.
As the 2012 election gears up, I hope a lot more of you join Justin and discover the talents YOU possess that are uniquely qualified to thwart the Left in your OWN individual ways.
I am very encouraged by our chances to bring Obama and the Left down — and hopefully take Oprah with them as well!
It’s official! Oprah Winfrey banned from ever becoming a Marine. Stedman Graham still clings to dream of being “Maureen”, however.
Word came down today that a new bureaucratic policy officially prohibits Oprah Winfrey from ever being a United States Marine.
Oprah, hard at work driving viewers away in droves from her OWN (Oprah’s Weird Noises) network, apparently was agast at the new regulations.
“Too many chili days at Harpo Studios, too much demon in me,” the former talk show host and proprietress of a cable station watched primarily by household animals reportedly said.
Today in History:
1993 – NASA loses contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. I remember the very next day conspiracy buffs started going on about aliens either destroying it, or NASA saying it was lost so it didn’t have to reveal any pictures of alien architectural ruins on the planet (the Great Sphinx of Mars, etc.).
1991 – Coup attempt against Mikhail Gorbachev collapses. I wonder how the history of the last twenty years would have been different if the coup succeeded and the Soviet Union existed still, in some form. Would Islamists have been able to have as much influence in the world if it was still a US vs. USSR dynamic?
1986 – Carbon dioxide gas erupts from volcanic Lake Nyos in Cameroon, killing up to 1,800 people within a 20-kilometer range. Mercifully, now that Oprah’s left Chicago, we no longer have to worry about something like this happening on chili day at Harpo Studios.
1959 – President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs an executive order proclaiming Hawaii the 50th state of the union. Hawaii’s admission is currently commemorated by Hawaii Admission Day It’s funny, because I know Hawaii really wants Obama’s presidential library, but I wonder if they’ll end up with buyers’ remorse over it in the end. I’m sure it will be a big Frank Gehry, twisty, turny, explosion of metal and glass, right on the water, with as many giant Os as Gehry can squeeze in…but who on Earth will want to go visit that?
1911 – The Mona Lisa is stolen by a Louvre employee. A big day for conspiracy buffs, because there are still people who believe the Mona Lisa on display currently isn’t real, and that the painting was destroyed in this theft, with a replacement put up so the Louvre wouldn’t have to admit it was gone.
ACTION ITEM: How to creatively nudge Independents and non-cultish Obama 2008 voters to recognize and internalize their disappointment in “The One”
Have you been following Oprah’s seismic, schadenfreude-friendly, belly flop of failure that is the OWN (Oprah’s Weird Noises) network?
Despite Oprah personally investing nearly 20 hours each day inventing newer, even weirder noises to make (and both Gayle King and Stedman Graham on dedicated all-chili diets assisting her, with relish), OWN is watched by fewer people today than back when it was the Amish Carpentry Channel or the HD Paint Drying Network, whatever it was called before Oprah put her unique stamp on it and declared herself Empress Of All Paid Cable Television.
Oprah’s an empress without clothes, however — which is a horrifying and stomach turning thought in this particular case, as Oprah’s clothes bravely protect the world from so, so much — because the long-perpetuated-in-the-media conceit that everything this Charybdis touched turns to gold ended up being a lot more like rock pyrite. That’s fool’s gold. Chicago swill. Winfrey’s windy folly.
There are times when I talk about Oprah and the things she does here in Chicago that people don’t know whether or not to believe the Charybdis of Lake Michigan was capable of doing whatever it is we’re talking about that day.
Sometimes, it’s clear (to me at least) that I’m joking, like when my boyfriend Justin and I were at the Shedd Aquarium a few weeks ago and I took him over to the Beluga whale tanks and told him they were newly renovated (which they indeed were), “because Oprah is moving to California and that frees up her old tanks for smaller creatures to move into”. Justin is 25, and is very nice, but gullible at times (he grew up on a farm in Arkansas), and he actually wondered if Oprah did, indeed, live at the Shedd Aquarium for a while, possibly only when she was sick, so that vets could better take care of her.
Later that day, when Justin and I were looking at the sea dragon exhibit, I told him how Oprah admitted to eating 30 pounds of macaroni and cheese the night “Beloved” tanked at the box office. She was so upset, she just kept demanding her personal chef make her Kraft macaroni and cheese, endlessly, until she felt better. 30 POUNDS LATER.
Justin didn’t believe that really happened, but it did. Entertainment Weekly covered it, which is about as accurate and respectable as the New York Times these days. And EW.com is a huge fan of Oprah’s, so if even they admit this happened, then it really and honestly did happen.
“But, it’s just not possible for one woman to eat 30 pounds of anything at a time. That can’t be true,” Justin insisted, trying to picture Oprah disappearing that much pasta and powdered orange cheese sauce into her epic and legendary gullet.
If you spend any amount of time in Chicago, you will hear all sorts of stories like this, with Oprah making a pig of herself on the rare occasions she attends public events. This is the reason, in fact, that she rarely attends events. She can’t trust herself with the snack table, so she just RSVPs in the negative.
Which, of course, is a net positive for anyone else hungry that night.
IOwntheWorld.com has a hilarious take on Oprah up today, directly aimed at the “friendship” she and Michelle Antoinette Obama share. Remember, it was this dynamic duo that flew to Copenhagen, Denmark in 2009 at massive taxpayer expense (on an Air Force jumbo jet assisted by staff leftover from the defunct Aurora, Ohio Sea World) to secure the 2016 Olympics for Chicago…a trip that resulted in Chicago coming in fourth place because the International Olympic Committee members were treated so poorly by Oprah and Michelle Antoinette at a reception that they took those hurt feelings out on Chicago’s bid.
It was Oprah who promised millions of suburban housewives watching her show that Obama was “the One” who would be “the great Lightbringer” to solve all our problems and usher in “The Golden Age of Hope and Change”. Though, to be fair to Oprah, those same housewives also believed Dr. Phil, Nate Berkus, and Rachel Ray were good for anything, too, so they really should have known better with Obama.
Check out the IOwntheWorld.com Oprah/Michelle Antoinette comic. It’s great fun.
Maine Governor to NAACP: “Tell ‘em to kiss my butt. If they want to play the race card, come to dinner and my son will talk to them.”
Paul LePage, the Governor of Maine, has stood up to the thugs at the NAACP…who ginned up the old racebaiting machine to brand him a RAAACIST! for not being available to attend a Martin Luther King tribute dinner this year. His office had already scheduled other engagements that day, but the NAACP demanded he cancel those and attend their event instead. If not, you know what that means…that Paul LePage must be a RAAACIST!
“They (the NAACP) are a special interest. End of story…and I’m not going to be held hostage by special interests. And if they want, they can look at my family picture. My son happens to be black, so they can do whatever they’d like about it,” said LePage.
LePage is a Republican…but clearly not part of the Cocktail Party crowd that crumples in terror whenever the NAACP, the Congressional Black Caucus, or the “Justice Brothers” of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton team up to bully and threaten anyone who dares say no to whatever demand they make that day. Those last two, Jackson and Sharpton, are two black males who’ve made racial blackmail a profitable art form for well on 30 years now.
The black community will one day come to regret a great many things — but chief amongst them will be their behavior during the 2008 presidential campaign. Aside from the massive blowback that’s going to come out of the Pigford Black Reparations Scam (which Obama engineered), that will be hitting the fan this and next year, the Race Industry is going to soon realize all the false charges of RAAACISM! leveled against anyone who opposed Obama in 2008 have completely nullified this smear attack.
Everyone under the sun has been called a RAAACIST, if that person didn’t do whatever high-profile black opportunists wanted that person to do.
People are tired of it.
And they are standing up to the Race Industry.
That’s a marvelous thing.