Posts Tagged ‘Larry Craig
Apparently, Lindsey Graham is about to be outed…because he did not give the Left votes they wanted in this lame duck session.
That seems stupid, frankly, because Graham squeals “How high?” whenever the Left tells him to do anything.
Whenever I write about closeted gay Republicans, I know a lot of you write in thread comments that “people shouldn’t care about their sexual identity”. This is, on the surface, true. If we lived in a world of “should”, then this would be the case…where in addition to this these closeted gay Republicans “should” stick to conservative principles, vote the way their constituents want them to, and never allow the Left to blackmail them. But, that’s not the magical world we live in.
Instead, we have men like Lindsey Graham, who are closeted gays, who have been blackmailed by the Left for years…so that whenever the Left needs a turncoat Republican to stick the GOP and conservatives in the back, and the Maine Sisters and Lisa Murkowski are busy somewhere, Graham can be counted on to do whatever the Left wants…lest the Left release the pictures it has of him, doing whatever it is he’s doing, which I’m sure isn’t flower-arranging.
The Left might be cutting Graham loose now that Mark Kirk is heading to the Senate from Illinois, and he’s another gay Republican the Left has all the goods on and will out in spectacular fashion the next time they need to give the GOP a black eye about something. Apparently, there’s a video — not just pictures — of Kirk at some party, which was an all-boy affair. In the last days of the Senate race here in Illinois this year, there was buzz in GOP circles that somehow David Axelrod had got ahold of “the video”. That was the first many of us had ever heard of a “video”…but the fact that Kirk’s campaign was worried about it getting out must mean a video of him and guys up to various hijinks could possibly exist. Maybe Democrats have it. Maybe they will start blackmailing Kirk as Graham’s replacement. Maybe there’s no video but Kirk’s just led a very interesting, closeted life and he realizes he set himself for all sorts of guessing games in the years ahead, as to whether or not videos exist.
Republicans prove they are the Party of Stupid in many ways, but how they handle their closeted gay Senators and Congressmen is the most foolish.
They should, honestly, have all these guys just come out of the closet one day…all together…in a big prime time special or something. Just get it all over with. Do it on a day that no one is really paying attention to politics, like on Super Bowl Sunday or something. And then the Democrats won’t be able to blackmail anyone.
What’s hilarious is that in Illinois Aaron Schock, another closeted gay Republican, is being groomed to be the GOP’s 2014 Senate nominee against Dick Durbin…which would mean, if Schock wins, that Illinois would have two closeted gay Republicans representing it. If Schock would just come out, he’d probably win that 2014 race by a wider margin…because he’s great looking, a nice and smart man, and it would be mighty hard to make an argument against his election in many circles here in Chicago. If the GOP can pull just an extra point or two in Chicago and do well in its suburbs, it wins in Illinois. Schock could do that as a young, gay, conservative…and could do wonders to changing the perception of both conservatives AND gays in Democrat and Republican ranks, respectively.
But, GOP consultants must be telling him to stay in the closet or risk losing conservative support…just as Kirk, Graham, Charlie Crist, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, and all sorts of other gay Republicans have been told through the years that they had to allow Democrats to blackmail them and go along with this stupid game if they wanted to keep their positions.
GOP consultants are stupid.
Democrats lose so much power and leverage if all of these guys would just come out, come out, wherever they are.
QUESTION: What would happen to the TSA patdowns if it became the norm for people to make pornographic noises while getting them?
Here in Boystown, sexiness is an element of everything.
Equality Illinois ran an early/absentee voter drive called “Vote Naked”, featuring Chicago strippers and porn stars naked…save for strategically cast ballots…voting from home Lady Gaga-diva style. It was instrumental in GOTV efforts in Boystown, giving Pat Quinn the margin he needed to defeat his GOP challenger (who was inaccurately and unfairly called a bigot repeatedly).
Right now, TPAN – an HIV/AIDS charity – is engaged in the Barlesque fundraiser…where a bartender from almost every club on Halsted had burlesque photos taken of him, sequentially getting down to nothing. The more money people give, the more photos of him get posted on the Barlesque site to encourage the flow of donations.
Sex sells well here, as these initiatives prove.
I wonder what a little Boystown sexiness would do to the TSA in the airports, regarding Janet Napolitano’s bizarre alter ego of “Ophelia Goodies”?
What would happen, just say, if professional actors of all ages started moaning, gasping, and generally re-enacting Herbal Essence commercials while being patted down by Napolitano’s grope squads?
Of course, others in line would film these antics for YouTube.
Just imagine if large groups could be organized to protest these gross gropes by shouting “That feels good!”, “More, more, more!”, and “Don’t stop till I’ve had enough!” as loudly as humanly possible through the pat downs?
What if people immediately left security after a pat down, got back in line, and said “I want to take your mustache ride again!”?
What’s former Senator Larry Craig doing now?
This is the kind of stuff he liked getting up to in airport bathrooms…well, Mary, now you can get your jollies courtesy of Homeland Security Gropenfuhrer Ophelia Goodies.
Hilariously, in pure BizarroWorld fashion, what Larry Craig was arrested FOR doing in that Minneapolis bathroom is what YOU will be arrested for should you NOT allow the TSA to do things to you – or your elderly mother or child – that you slapped Brad Westwick clean across his peach fuzzed face for attempting when he tried to get his mits under your poofy prom dress.
Whenever the government overreaches into absurdity like this, the most effective counter from the governed is to publicly humiliate everyone who is behind these Napolitano Specials…which is what I want to start calling aggressive sexual massages in seedy parlors with happy endings on the menu.
Let’s get perverts and lonely old men to start saying, “Went down to Paradise Sauna and had that little Romanian guy give me a full on Napolitano Special. Wasn’t as good as the one I get for free at the airport, but those guys are government trained professionals, so I get that”.
Sing “Toucha, toucha, toucha” from Rocky Horror while waiting in line.
Ask the TSA screeners if they do private parties.
Do your best Meg Ryan “Sally” whenever you meet a hairy Napolitano Groper headed to your nether regions the next time you’re passing through security en route to Amsterdam.
In Boystown, sexiness is used every day to grab attention and get results.
It could be very effective – and, be honest, FUN – to just let loose in those lines and moan and squeal like you never knew you had that in you.
Next time I fly, if I get patted down, I am going to do this, I swear. If I am not already on some Obama Administration hit list after everything HB has done to ridicule these inept tyrants the last two years, I would be stunned. So it’s not like making this scene could adversely affect me any more.