Posts Tagged ‘Eric Cantor
GOP Leadership Shops for Upholstery Fabric for Titanic Deck Chairs
H/T TomLLewis.com
Elected in an historic anti-Democrat landslide in November of 2010, the GOP leadership, who owe their election to profound voter discontent with Democrat party policies in general, and deficit spending and the National Debt in particular, gathered today at a JoAnn Fabrics location in Falls Church, Virginia, to plan their epic capitulation to the losing side in November’s electoral bloodbath.
In a massive show of force, the House GOP leadership today caucused on upholstery fabrics for deck chairs located on the Titanic’s Boat Deck, location of the First and Second Class promenades, and, not coincidentally, the unsinkable ship’s inadequate fleet of lifeboats.
A Congressional aide who spoke on condition of anonymity reported that Speaker of the House John Boehner (R?-Ohio) lobbied for a tasteful polished Chintz from Laura Ashley featuring English ivy and cabbage roses. “It’s an excellent compromise,” the Speaker was quoted as saying. “We don’t want to ruffle the Administration’s feathers with something outlandish. Tomorrow’s another day. We have to be able to play golf these people after the election, after all,” the Speaker is reported to have said.
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R+/-, Va.) fought hard for a more durable cotton duck, expressing regret that the Federal government’s current $14.7 trillion dollar deficit made it hard to justify the cost of a Laura Ashley design. “I love cabbage roses as much as the next person,” Cantor was quoted as saying. “But we really need to get practical here. In the few hours we have left before the hull fills with watery death, we’ll need to get as much use out of these deck chairs as possible. Cotton duck is the only rational option. Normally, I would have lobbied for ScotchGard, but in the middle of a fiscal crisis, we need to demonstrate that we’re serious about being good stewards of our Chinese lenders’ money.”
Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell (RINO-Ky.), proposed a plan that would put the Obama adminstration in charge of navigating the ship in a circular pattern that would allow the luxury liner to hit the killer iceberg more than once. McConnell’s plan would also put the Obama White House in charge of assigning seats in the few remaining lifeboats. “That way we can’t be accused of favoritism,” said McConnell. “When this boat crashes into the ocean floor, the Obama administration will totally own that, and the mainstream media will finally stop being mean to use for no reason. There won’t be any way the New York Times can blame this on us.”
Media criticism was a repeated theme in the meeting, leading to contentious arguments that were audible as far away as the Beading & Jewelery-Making and Knitting & Crochet departments. According to an insider who was eavesdropping on the meeting from behind a display of Novelty Cotton Prints and Panels, If there was still time after completing the comprehensive reupholstery project, the GOP leadership reportedly also plans to re-arrange the Titanic’s deck chairs in a way they hope will “make Chris Matthews like us.”
VIRGINIA GROUND REPORT: What are young voters up to?
Dear HillBuzz,
You have had several Virginia Ground Reports, but I thought I could address Central Virginia, with an emphasis on the twenty-somethings.
Here in the 7th District, it was party time at the home of Pie in the Sky this weekend. The occasion was a backyard oyster roast in honor of a young couple who will be marrying soon. There were 300 Chesapeake Bay oysters, shrimp, homemade Brunswick Stew, hot rolls, Smithfield ham, and lots and lots of cold beer. Cab rides home for everyone. It was a beautiful night, with a full moon, a fire in the fire pit, lots of twinkly lights and candles, and 60 young people aged 20-28. And as their hostess, they were obliged to talk to me! These kids are going to vote, and they are going to vote Republican this year. They were at various stages of young adulthood. About half were couples, some married but most haven’t made that leap yet. Two couples (both married ones!) were brand new parents. Most of them are underemployed, highly educated, not typically political, but they are mad. They all want to buy houses because they think the low interest rates and future inflation make it a smart move, if one has any sort of job security. They recognize that home values may well fall again, but they think they can ride that out due to the low interest rates, and they want to stay put for a while. They might fall into what you like to call the frat boys, because there were lots of khaki pants, not a hipster in the bunch, so maybe not very representative of their entire age group. I knew that palm cards at my party would be a violation of local etiquette, but I used conversational entrees to broach the subject. “Dancing with the Stars” was one way to tilt the conversation. Most seemed to really like Bristol Palin. They thought she does not have the particular talent that the judges seem to be looking for, but they admire her for trying. No bad remarks about her mother, either.
We are in Eric Cantor’s district, who should be in good shape but he does have 2 opponents: a Democrat who is a social worker in a neighboring county that was rural but is becoming suburban, and an Independent who is a small government, fiscal conservative, named Floyd Bayne. Bayne has the better chance of the two opponents, but I don’t think Eric is in trouble here, even though many are not convinced that Eric is as conservative as they would like.
I thought it was interesting that one of the younger kids, still a student at the University of Virginia, decided to register to vote in Charlottesville instead of voting absentee here. Charlottesville is in the 5th District, and it is a much more competitive race, with the first-term Dem. Tom Perriello running against a Republican and an Independent who was a loser in the Republican primary. She thought that her vote against Perriello would mean more than a vote for Eric Cantor. She said that lots of the kids in the engineering school at the University are doing the same thing.
Richmond is split into 2 Congressional Districts, the 3rd and the 7th. The 7th is Eric Cantor’s. In the 3rd, Dem. Bobby Scott has been there as long as I can remember, usually running unopposed, but he has a Republican opponent this year who has been endorsed by our local newspaper. His name is Chuck Smith and he is a very handsome black former military man, who is a lawyer, I think. The 3rd District has lost a lot of jobs since 2008, with the closing of Circuit City and Qimonda, and the black population in this area had been severely impacted by this. I admit that I had not heard of Chuck Smith until very recently, but I am encouraged that Bobby Scott has opposition.
For 2012, I am having all of these kids back. For the price of beer, I think I can get them working for President Palin.
Pie in the Sky
