Posts Tagged ‘Charybdis of Lake Michigan
File this under “couldn’t happen to a more deserving Charybdis”.
It looks like OWN (which stands for “Oprah’s Weird Noises”) might be going under. Better start TIVO-ing now in case you hate yourself and anticipate some weird need to inflict hours of pain on your eye sockets in the future…because it looks like OWN won’t be on the air much longer.
Reports are in that Rosie O’Donnell — who moved to Chicago last year to film her TV show on OWN — is now selling her house here in Boystown and moving back to New York.
About two dozen people have been watching O’Donnell’s terrible show on OWN — but the production facilities for this train wreck are located in the old Harpo Studios where Oprah’s old show used to be filmed.
There’s no way that Rosie’s show would move to New York with her and leave Harpo Studios abandoned — so it looks like O’Donnell’s one and done in terms of years her show was on OWN. She could never land any big guests and was never able to recapture the fame and magic that was her “The Rosie O’Donnell Show” back when she was in syndication (and still pretending she had crushes on Scott Wolf, Tom Cruise, John Travolta…and Liberace, no doubt, if she kept penciling in similar guys into that wacky Mad Lib of hers).
If you recall, Rosie was supposed to save OWN from ruin. Looks like that didn’t work out any better than Oprah’s endorsement of Barack Obama as “The One” who would descend from the heavens and solve all the world’s problems.
Oprah’s got a heap of problems these days that Rosie sure couldn’t solve, apparently.
I do admit it’s been fun having O’Donnell living about four blocks away in Boystown though; on Saturdays, for a while (until she bought everything she needed, apparently) it was easy to spot her in Target and she went to Sidetrack’s a few times to sing Show Tunes. Rosie travels with a harem of women everywhere she goes and is almost always nice to people (the women she’s with are horrible, though…the obnoxious, loud, high-pitched, and spoiled types that make gay guys cringe). Regardless of how she behaves herself in front of the TV cameras these days, in person she was fun to have in the neighborhood. Unlike with Oprah, it will be sad to see Rosie go.
I can’t help having double portions of schadenfreude for breakfast today though regarding the fate of OWN. With Rosie out of the picture, Oprah’s going to be pressed to dream up new and even weirder noises to make to keep her terrible, terrible, painful-to-watch network on the air.
Like I said at the top…couldn’t happen to a more deserving Charybdis.
Now vs. Then: Whatever happened to that “crusade against other people’s obesity” Michelle Antoinette Obama was going on about?
If, as First Spouse, you are going to chide parents for what they feed their families…and if you are going to go so far as to call poor eating habits and obesity a national security issue…then you should not serve bratwurst, cheeseburgers, Buffalo wings, and deep-dish pizza at the White House EVER. Not even at a Super Bowl party. Because it makes you look ridiculous and exposes you as the hypocrite you very much are.
Surely, expert Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford could have created “healthy snacks” for the Obamas’ Super Bowl party…if she had been asked to…by a First Family that reportedly eats more junk and fried food than anyone who’s lived in the White House before them (and that includes not just Bill Clinton, but William Howard Taft as well).
Side note, if you are not a First Spouse, you probably shouldn’t serve a Michelle Antoinette-approved menu either…lest you receive an unexpected visit from the Charybdis of Lake Michigan, Oprah Winfrey. Bratwurst, cheeseburgers, Buffalo wings, deep-dish pizza…it’s like chumming the waters off the Farallones…summoning an ancient, primal hunger…you’re risking life and limb in moments reminiscent of old ‘ 80s Kool-Aid commercials where the Charybdis bursts through the wall and heads straight for your buffet, her Ampullae of Lasagini afire, detecting the irresistible combination of marinara, mozzarella, blue cheese, cheddar, and various forms of processed ungulates.
As with everything else in the Obama White House, the “crusade against other people’s obesity” does not involve anything Michelle Antoinette or her celebrity friends (like Oprah) eat. It’s just another way for her to look down upon regular Americans and what they like, telling them not to have things they enjoy, because then there’s more of those things for the Obamas and pals.
Sounds a lot like what’s going to happen under Obamacare too.
BIZARRE: "Experts" can't find where the oil went in the Gulf. Did it just get Hope and Changed away?
This is truly bizarre: “experts” can’t find where the oil went in the Gulf.
Years ago, one of us freelance project managed something for the City of Chicago involving water that was mysteriously appearing and killing trees in one of the parks. He had to call in hydrologists and plant experts and the like, and one of the most interesting aspects of all of it was discovering a whole field of people who do nothing else all day but think about where water goes, and how it moves as a predictable system based on various factors they could input into their computers.
Do “experts” really not know all that much about the oceans if they can’t determine where all the oil from the Gulf deepwater leak went?
Humans have been working with oil for a fair amount of time now, and they’ve been studying the oceans for much, much longer. We remember the nuns back in Catholic School teaching us about the various currents, in the Gulf of Mexico, Atlantic, Pacific, etc. They had colorful maps and charts that illustrated where these currents went. Perhaps someone should send these to the “experts”. If any of those nuns are still around, they should be consulted on this, too, because it seemed like if we followed the currents, then something that was in the Gulf would be carried away along those currents and end up at a fairly predictable place.
Since oil is not a solid, but a liquid, like water, predicting where it ends up might be more complicated than looking for rubber ducks that were dumped off a large freighter (which happened in the 80s…and provided scientists will all sorts of data on how the currents worked and where detris in the oceans ends up). But, we just think it’s bizarre the “experts” are stumped on where all this oil is.
“It disappeared” or “something drank it” are not good enough answers.
Though, we’ve always said that eventually SOMETHING would evolve to eat petroleum products that are supposedly accumulating into a giant garbaged dump in the middle of the Pacific. We saw a special once about this place that plastics supposedly go, that traps all sorts of animals who are too stupid to get out of the way. That’s where all of those plastic rings from soda packs are strangling all sorts of things, apparently. With all of that material out there, it just seems obvious that some kind of bacteria or critter would evolve to feast on all of it as a food source in due time. That’s what seems to happen to everything else in the ecosystem. Looking at the course of life on this planet, that’s happened time and time again where some pressure forced organisms to adapt, survive, and thrive.
Some animals we have today won’t survive this or that event, but new animals will emerge that will do just fine.
Has something really slurped up all that oil?
Where’s Oprah? Did she think it was chocolate syrup? Have scientists finally found a use for that woman to equal her Media hype?
Or, are “experts” just in dire need of nuns to whip out the maps and graphs and explain ocean currents well enough to find all the oil?
What do you think is going on?
Well, notorious racist Oprah Winfrey is at it again — discriminating against a white woman, depriving her opportunities to appear on television to promote her work, and inhibiting her ability to do her job effectively.
The Charybdis of Lake Michigan did this to Sarah Palin in 2008, when she tried her level best to keep Palin off television as much as possible to benefit black presidential candidate Obama.
Now, two years later, Oprah’s in a full-court press to limit the media opportunities available to white author Kitty Kelly.
Surely, it must all be due to race.
That is, of course, if we follow the logic of Al Sharpton, Henry Gates, Jesse Jackson, Eric Holder, Barack Obama, John Lewis, James Clyburne, Spike Lee, and all the disembodied, muttering voices race-baiting 24/7 inside their warped, perpetual victim machine, Race Industry driving heads.
If a black author was prevented from appearing on numerous television programs by a white television host, who orchestrated a conspiracy to keep that person off the air — such as Oprah has done to Kelly — the Race Industry would be scrambled to Defcon Eleventy over this. RAAAAAAAAAACISM! PREJUDIIIIIIIIIIICE! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!
What’s good for the Sharpton-Gates-Jackson machine should be good for everyone else, regardless of what color the perpetrator of the discrimination is…which, in this case, is Oprah, who is not only a black person inflicting financial and professional harm on another because of her race (using Sharpton-Gates-Jackson logic), but is the world’s foremost gluttonous cautionary tale.
But, it should come as no surprise Oprah’s stooped to blackballing Kitty Kelly over her new Winfrey-tastic book.
The Charybdis of Lake Michigan’s been blueballing Stedman Graham for well on twenty years now.
Gayle only knows how many different colors of balls Winfrey is juggling.
Oprah announces new show for her "Oprah's Weird Noises" network: nocturnal series set around her moving place to place, making weird noises
Oprah Winfrey was in New York this week, apparently, telling anyone who would listen about the plans she has for her new shows on the “Oprah’s Weird Noises” network (OWN), that she plans to launch on January 1st. Which, we predict, will be regularly watched by all of 12 people.
The first show announced for the network is called Oprah’s Next Noises, a one-hour travel show, filmed entirely at night, which shows Oprah and celebrity pals on surreal adventures around the world, “eating different things, like weird fruits and even lizards and bugs and such, if they taste good”, then waiting for the weird noises that follow.
“I’m fascinated by the weird noises I can make, and think others will be too. I bet they will find it all very inspirational, because most of my viewers are very stupid,” Oprah apparently told reporters, while making weird noises. “See what I mean? Fascinating, right? Wait a couple of minutes, I just had some dragon fruit from craft services, so if you missed that last round, more weird noises are sure to follow”.
This was just one of five new series announced today to advertisers in New York, including Stop Listening to What The Enquirer Says About Stedman; Why I Hate Grapes: Oprah’s Search for Revelence; Gayle King Live!, and Whatever Happened to Shania Twain?.
“My vision for OWN is to create a network that allows me to make all kind of noise on the television. They wouldn’t let me do that as much as I wanted before, because it was daytime TV. At night, I can be as weird as I want to be. Have you ever wondered what kind of noises I would make if I ate a bat? What about if I did that in Egypt, with former Full House star Jodie Sweetin as my pal that day? Well, it’s gonna happen, and it’s gonna be WEIRD” Winfrey said. Added Christina Norman, CEO of OWN, “We want to provide our audience with the tools to awaken, become more alive, and connect to what really matters to them in a fun, engaging, and entertaining way, through weird noises Oprah and her celebrity pals will make.”
The Charybdis of Lake Michigan will be leaving Chicago for good, heading out to parts unknown for this new adventure.
We’ve yet to meet a single person who will miss her.
If we ever do, we promise to report back on that, but don’t hold your breath.
Or hold in any “weird noises” of your OWN.
Charybdis of Lake Michigan ordered to stand trial. Chicago shocked Oprah still has ability to stand.
Oprah Winfrey, the Charybdis of Lake Michigan, has been ordered to stand trial for trying to scapegoat the headmistress of the school Winfrey set up in Africa, the one that abuses young girls — who are beaten to within an inch of their lives in front of golden-framed bad oil paintings of Oprah (like those creepy things Michael Jackson used to have painted of himself, where he was dressed as medieval kings with chubby, naked angels attending to him).
As if there are any good oil paintings of Oprah.
The real shock here in Chicago is that Oprah has the ability to stand, for anything.
It was long assumed her hind legs had atrophied, years ago, with her forward locomotion largely derived from her semi-sentient stomachs, evolved through sheer gluttony to have a mind of their own, much like a Hutt’s in those Star Wars movies. Part of the reason she took up residence in a cove near Navy Pier here in Chicago was the fact her legs no longer worked properly, lacking the musculature to support and carry all that upper mass. More so than the schools of fish and ferry boats filled with tourists, the draw of Lake Michigan is the relative bouyancy it gives our own Charybdis.
So, a judge ordering this monster to stand anywhere is big news here in Chicago.
We’ll keep you posted as more on this develops…and more details of the abuse that takes place at Oprah’s school comes to light.
The Charybdis of Lake Michigan is officially no longer loved: roughly 12 people watch her Oscar special. 11 of them are on her payroll, and the last poor soul was in a hospital bed with his arms and legs broken and couldn't change the channel.
Apparently, neither did the rest of America.
Oprah’s Oscar Extravaganza of Oprah and Oscar came in dead last in the Nielsen ratings. A special on paint drying techniques and a documentary on keeping Playdoh fresh by wrapping it in moist paper towels creamed Charybdis.
Roughly 12 people, in fact, watched the special: 11 of whom are Harpo Studios employees and are contractually required to suffer such abuse. The other poor soul was a man injured in a skiing accident in Vail, Colorado, where he broke all his arms and legs. Between shift changes, one of the nurses left his TV turned to the station where Charybdis’ special came on, and no matter how many times he pushed the call button with his tongue, frantically, he couldn’t get the second shift to come in and change the channel for him. Apparently, all the nurses were in a staff meeting, so they couldn’t answer his calls for help until they were done talking about efficiency, patient care, and Total Quality Management.
It appears the man is now suing the hospital, for gross patient neglect and abuse. We hope he gets millions. No one on Earth should have to suffer though Oprah against his will.
Isn’t Oprah supposed to be not only a gluttonous sea demon plaguing the shores of Lake Michigan, but also “the most popular talk show host in the history of this or any other planet”, according to the MSM at least.
Perhaps people are catching on to the fact that Oprah bears a lot of responsibility for what we’ve got in the White House now.
Drudge Report claims Ellen DeGeneres has now surpassed the Charybdis of Lake Michigan, Oprah, as “America’s most appealing talkshow host”.
Whatever that means.
We believe Oprah did serious damage to herself and her brand by selling America the fraudulent bill of goods that is “The One”, Dr. Utopia.
One of the side projects we’d love to see take shape is a grassroots effort to turn all of Oprah’s followers against her, with a “Blame Oprah” movement directly linking everything that’s going wrong with this country under the Utopias to Oprah herself.
We believe many Americans are too proud and stubborn to admit they were wrong about Dr. Utopia, or bullied into voting for him by the MSM, lest they be called RAAACISTS. We think there are millions of people still giving Dr. Utopia good marks in polls and surveys who are looking for an excuse to bolt the Hopey-Change Express (to Hell), but they need an out.
They need to blame someone for tricking them…for duping them…for lying to them.
That someone, people, is Oprah.
“It’s Oprah’s Fault”.
“Oprah Told Me To, But She Was Wrong”.
Things of this nature.
We think people just need a nudge to come after Oprah on their own. She’s leaving daytime TV in 2011 under the delusion that she’s going to run her own network and become the biggest thing in television history. Well, keep eating whatever it is you’re eating, Oprah, because you’ve got Jackie Gleason, Louie Anderson, and John Goodman in your sites, but your network is going to bomb.
If we have anything to say about it…and here’s hoping we subversively do.