Posts Tagged ‘Charlie Crist
Charlie Crist accuses Marco Rubio of getting back waxes. Seriously. We are not making that up.
"Governor Crist, you are embarrassing yourself more than usual. Really, you're practically Martha Coakley at this point."
Sometimes, Republicans just amaze us.
Ever since June of 2008 when we started working with Republicans for the first time, and we met our very first Republican friends by becoming Democrats for McCain, and then Democrats for Palin, we’ve been startled at times by how different, culturally and behaviorally, we are from our GOP counterparts. It’s not political policy differences we’re talking about: it’s how we all approach confrontation.
Republicans let people get away with far more than Democrats do. Some of you out there chalk that up to a mythical “I’m going to take the high road”, when there’s really no clear set of two separate roads, high or low, visible. Republicans typically lose elections because they’re trying to construct these nonexistent “high roads”, while Democrats focus on completely and utterly decimating their opponents. Ironically enough, the Clintons lost in 2008 because they “took the high road” with Dr. Utopia, never hit him on his drug abuse, his shady trip to Pakistan in 1981, and all of his lifelong connections to radicals…whereas Utopia’s hopey-change campaign made up everything it could about Hillary Clinton, including calling the woman and her husband RAAAACISTS over and over again. You know where the “high road” leads: to ruination.
Charlie Crist used to frequent a seedy bar in Tampa, Florida called The Green Iguana. This is established fact. Bar regulars, and the owner of the bar, have repeatedly gone on record noting Crist was a longtime patron. It’s a bar where many men visit dolled up in drag, wearing their finest, batting their fake eyelashes for a beer. Crist dragged up as “Sweet Charlotte, Belle of the South” for many an adventure at The Green Iguana.
Google it.
So, we’re stunned Republicans allow Crist to take so many weird hits at Marco Rubio, who is cleaning his Max Factor caked-on clock nine ways to Tuesday, including accusing Rubio of getting “back waxes”.
Crist has done lost his mind.
Let us remind you of how things would work if Crist was a Democrat. Technically, Crist is a Democrat, but he’s wearing Republican drag and is allowed to get away with that too. Let’s rephrase, and remind you of how things would go down if this was a Democrat primary and not a Republican one: chances are, The Green Iguana shenanigans would not come to light because many a Democrat candidate has adventures like that of his own (see also: Man’s Country in Andersonville). Just as most of the golf community knew about Tiger Woods’ crazed sex addiction and drug abuse, the political world knows who’s going rub-a-dub-dub with three or more men in a tub in bathhouses around Chicago. But, no one talks about it openly. Everyone knows though.
And that only comes to life when a candidate like Crist either defies the Daley Machine here and needs to be punished, or he crosses a line with his opponent and that guy retaliates in like kind…and the party gives its blessing because Crist started the nuclear war first. Then, it’s mutually assured destruction time.
Crist is so lucky that the Rubio campaign doesn’t seem to want to ever talk about The Green Iguana or Crist’s Katie Holmes/Kelly Preston/Phyllis Gates beard of a “wife”.
He is one lucky, lucky, orange queen.
The man should be a complete and utter laughingstock, unable to ever work in politics again. But, for whatever reason, the GOP has decided not to take Crist down, and to allow him to take weird, some would say RAAACIST!, swipes at Rubio.
Why is Crist so fascinated by Rubio’s back, anyway?
Shouldn’t the Governor of Florida be focused on creating jobs for the people of his state and dealing with more important matters than wondering what Rubio looks like shirtless, supine, and arranged gingerly upon a table…awaiting either a waxing or a long, deep, baby-oiled massage?
We have a very good idea what Charlie Crist does in his office all day, and we bet it involves a copy of the new Levi Johnston Playgirl and copious amounts of baby oil of his own. While his “wife”, Carole Rome, does her best Arianna Huffington impression, with or without an accent that makes her sound like a Helium-sucking clown.
Why do you think Crist is allowed to be an open-secret that takes such weird swipes at Rubio?
Crist could be taken down tomorrow if everything that’s out there about him was put into the open.
Why isn’t he taken down?
Does the GOP not want to touch “the gay thing” with a ten foot poll this year (correctly, in our opinion), so that the MSM can’t distract from jobs and the failed economy under Democrats?
Because, as we said, stuff like this “back waxing” would not be tolerated in a Democrat primary…not without Crist taking some counter hits of his own…because in Chicago there’s no high or low road, just State Street, that Great Street, running right through the Daley Machine.
Where someone as orange and fruity as Crist would be ground to a pulp and juiced for half the nonsense he’s pulled.
A clarification on Marco Rubio
We wanted to take a moment to clear up something about Marco Rubio.
We very much want him to win the Florida GOP primary, and beat Charlie Crist to a shriveled, orange pulp.
We also want Rubio to win the Florida Senate seat as well.
But, there’s just something about the guy we don’t like — coming from our gut. It’s nothing he’s done. There’s nothing we know about him personally, aside from one story we heard about him being rude to someone we know once. But, everyone has an off day. Even people we really like have been rude, at times, especially on the campaign trail. Everyone has a bad day.
Since 2008 and all the fervor and fawning over Dr. Utopia began, it seems this nation has been hellbent on creating all sorts of magical saviors…out of very ordinary, mortal men. If you’re a religious person, you should believe there was only one Savior, and all the rest of this is just blasphemy.
We see conservatives, especially, trying so desperately to make various men into a phenomenon that’s the “anti-Obama” or “the new Reagan”. We also see you trying to make Sarah Palin into “Reagan in a dress”. Well, to be honest, Ronald Reagan wasn’t even “Reagan”, as defined by conservatives today. This “Reagan”, in quotes, is a mythical being very similar to the mythical, living-god the Left elevated Dr. Utopia into.
At some point in adult life the fairytale books should be put away. Public servants must never be described as dragon slayers or Lightbringers. They are our collective employees. They are not gods. They are not royalty. They are in office to serve the people. To be blunt, just about anyone who has ever run a business or managed more than five people can be an effective United States Senator if she or he applied for the job, was hired by the people, and set about working hard and doing the things a Senator is supposed to do. It’s stunning so few of the people who put themselves up for the job manage to get this right.
We think Rubio will be a great Senator. But, he is not a Lightbringer or dragonslayer. We do not think he is someone with untapped greatness within him. We also believe there’s just something about him, that we can’t put our finger on, that we don’t like.
We felt that way about Mark Sanford, when everyone we knew in Republican circles here in Chicago swore up and down that Sanford was “the new Reagan” and would be the 2012 nominee “for sure”. But, something wasn’t right about Sanford. Something wasn’t right about John Edwards, either, and when we realized that we stopped supporting him back in late 2004.
The other person who seems to be so loved by conservatives right now is Tim Pawlenty. There’s something off about that guy, too.
Now, we have no idea what it is with Rubio and Pawlenty we don’t like…and we’re sure you’ll excoriate us in comments and hatemail for not being specific, but we say this in full candor while stating clearly that we WANT Rubio to win. If Pawlenty was running for office in Minnesota right now, we’d want him to win, too. But, we don’t think either Rubio or Pawlenty belong in national office. This is not saying either of them will have Sanford or Edwards-esque flameouts, but we just see something in their faces, that they are hiding something.
90% of the time, when we get this feeling about a guy, it’s because he’s closeted…and we know well the strain hiding so much about yourself causes. Your eyes give you away, since you are forever focusing all of your energy on keeping the charm going, lest the spell you’re casting breaks and the world sees you for who you really are. On very rare occasions, when men are cheating on their wives or hiding some other secret, we see a similar strain in their eyes and on their faces, too. Almost as if they are repeating over and over again in their heads, “Don’t figure it out…don’t figure it out….don’t figure it out…”.
Rubio and Pawlenty are both hiding SOMETHING. It’s not that they are gay. It’s not that they are cheating on their wives. But, we think there’s something there, below the surface, and it makes us reticent to ever thrown ourselves into their campaigns.
This, for the record, is also why we came out against the national Tea Party Convention in Tennessee. We support the Tea Party Movement. We consider ourselves Tea Partiers. But, we just have a weird feeling about that Convention and the people running it. And we always trust our instincts with stuff like this.
Chalk that up to dating enough bad guys the last twenty years to be able to spot 90% of trouble a mile away, before it ever has a chance to hit us.
*********
UPDATE:
One last thing we want to say on this subject, and that’s regarding people we do go all-in for.
Because you come here everyday to a site called “HillBuzz”, you take it for granted that we are guys who go all-in for anyone. We’d go to absolute Hell and back for Hillary Clinton any day of the week. We’ve been that way since 1990, when one of us did a report on Clinton in high school, talking about her work as the First Lady of Arkansas, and her time with Marrian Wright Edelman in Boston working with children. One of our grandmothers knew Clinton in Little Rock, and told us she was the real deal. We knew, instantly, that was in fact true, and Hillary has never proven us wrong, in all these years. We’d take a bullet for the woman, and would do absolutely anything she asked of us, always. Because we believe in her 100%.
Now, this makes some of your heads explode, but we feel the same way about Sarah Palin. She, too, is the real deal. We know her heart, and it is a servant’s heart. We’d follow her into battle anytime she wants to lead the charge — by Facebook, or in person, whatever. You betcha.
We don’t know Scott Brown as well as either Clinton or Palin, but we instantly got the feeling from him that he, too, was the real deal. Yes, we joke about how hot and awesome he is. Because HE IS, hot and awesome. He’s Hottie McAwesome, for crying out loud. But, he’s also a good and decent man whom we believe has a role to play in saving the Republic.
It’s hard to explain, but there are certain people in life we believe are placed where they are for a reason…and have an energy and a spirit in them that we can detect, but can’t explain, that makes us take notice and rally around them. You can insert whatever spirituality you hold in your heart right here if you want. Our grandparents would have described these people as being on the side of angels. We say they’re playing for Team USA, because these people love America more than themselves.
Is that what this all boils down to, come to think of it?
Are the people we support those who would walk away from it all, give up all the perks and privilege, if that’s what they thought would be best for the country?
Hillary Clinton would do that.
Sarah Palin would do that.
Scott Brown would do that.
In a heartbeat.
Marco Rubio seems, to us, like he wants to be Senator because he wants to be called Senator, and will enjoy holding that office and farting in a big soft leather chair on Capitol Hill. He will do a good job. He’ll vote 99% of the time in the best interests of the country, we believe, but after a term or two in Washington, we believe he’ll become another of the entrenched royals who think of the seat they occupy as THEIR seat. That’s people like Barbara Boxer, Claire McCaskill, Dick Durbin, Kay Bailey Hutchinson, etc.
Oddly enough, despite all of his warts, Ted Kennedy himself never behaved this way. Others called it “The Kennedy Seat”, but in all the encounters anyone we’ve ever known had with Kennedy, he never behaved this way. His family did, but not him, not in regards to his role as Senator. We say a lot of bad things — deservedly so — about Ted Kennedy, but sitting in that leather chair all day being “important” was not why Kennedy was in the Senate.
We might be 100% wrong about Rubio, but he reminds us of this guy Jeff we know here in Chicago. He’s a ballet dancer by day, bartender by night. Built, from hours at the gym and all that lifting of beer crates all night, the guy swaggers around in tank tops in the dead of winter to show off his buff bod. 90% of the conversations he has are about how many people hit on him that day at work, or how everyone else at work does such a bad job and wishes they were him. He’s a good guy. When pressed, he can find other things to talk about. By all accounts, he does a great job at work and the bar is very happy with him. When he dances or performs in shows like Naked Boys Singing, man alive, the crowd just loves him. But, he’s the first one to tell you what a good job he did, or how loud the applause were for him.
We just picture Rubio getting into a car after a TV appearance and telling his driver how great he was, and how much people all across Florida loved him. If he could get away with it, we bet Rubio would be wearing his tank tops too. He, like Jeff, is the kind of guy we picture getting dressed in the morning, staring at himself in a full length mirror in his boxer briefs, doing a Billy Crystal, “You look maaaahhhhvelllllussssss” to himself.
That’s the vibe we get off him. He really, really, really wants to be Senator….instead of really, really, really wanting to go to Washington to serve the people of Florida.
Will he serve the people of Florida when he gets there?
Hells yah, because he wants to keep being Senator.
But, we don’t believe he will ever work hard JUST for the betterment of his constituents. He will work hard, which is a rare enough thing in the Senate to warrant rooting for Rubio, but he’ll do it because he wants to be rewarded with the pomp and circumstance of a Senator’s life…not because he is a true servant of the people.
Does that make sense?
Bet Charlie Crist never expected to hate being spanked by a total babe like Marco Rubio
Charlie Crist, orange former patron of the Green Iguana in Tampa, has more likely than not fantasized about being pantsed, then spanked over the knee by a total babe like Marco Rubio (“Oh, I’ve been a bad, bad governor!”). Just look at that dreamboat. He’s a former Florida Speaker of the House, and he’s invited to come speak at our house any damn time he wants. Great Merciful Zeus, we look at that man and think, “He’d sure look great standing next to Sarah Palin as her VP pick in 2012″.
He just has to win this Senate seat first…and then we hope he gets to campaign for Vice President. If anyone dares criticize him, it would be exactly the same amount of time in office that Dr. Utopia spent in the Senate before he started running for President (essentially, Dr. Utopia started running the day after he was sworn in…or, more accurately, he really started the day he made his speech at Kerry’s 2004 Boston convention).
It’s hilarious to us that “political experts” insisted Charlie Crist would win this nomination “in a landslide”. But, these are the same experts who bought his sham wedding to the novelty-and-fake-beards heiress Carole Rome. Those fools will believe anything. Disney has its “Princess Collection” of iconic tiara-wearing heroines; American politics and pop culture has its own collection of Bearded Ladies, for want of a better term. Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes, Kelly Preston, Amy Rule, random big-busted women assigned to poolside Aaron Schock duty, and now Carole Rome. Carefully crafted props and characters one and all.
Wave if you're fabulous!
The second least-believable wedding of all time.
How Crist thought he could become the next Senator from Florida, let alone the nominee, is just beyond us. Contrary to what political experts think, it was his sham wedding that finally did him in with most people we know. We haven’t seen anything that ridiculous and unbelievable since the Gruesome Foursome assembled for Liza Minnelli’s own sham; Crist thought he’d end the innuendo about him and his Green Iguana antics by saying “I do” to Rome, but his wedding was so ridiculous people who never talked about Crist before started laughing at him (in the way the Tom Cruise jumping up and down on the couch for Katie Holmes episode remains so funny).
Voters saw Crist give more goo-goo eyes to Dr. Utopia when he visited Florida than he ever gave to his wife. Voters remember that, and everyone who’s tied themselves so much to Utopia will go down in 2010. It looks like it’s catching up to Crist already.
Which is a good thing.
It has begun: today MSM starts pushing John Thune as replacement for Huckabee in GOP's Five Horsemen of the 2012 Apocalypse
If nominated, I would be as boring as possible, I promise. I will, in fact, be coma-inducing, just as the MSM wants me to be. Cucumber and mayonnaise sandwiches? Hell, I'll top that, and be an egg white and boiled potato omelette, hold the butter and seasoning of any kind. I'm John Thune, and I'm ready to step up as a new Horseman of the 2012 Media-Generated GOP Apocalypse.
We’ve been saying since last year that the MSM is working overtime to pick the GOP’s 2012 candidate — much as it selected John McCain for 2008. Republicans need to wake up and see how easily they are manipulated by the likes of MSNBC, CNN, and their parent organization, the DNC.
Until recently, the Five Horsemen of the GOP 2012 Apocalypse were:
(1) Mark Sanford
(2) Mike Huckabee
(3) Mitt Romney
(4) Tim Pawlenty
(5) Charlie Crist
All of these men would lose to Dr. Utopia in 2012.
After Mark Sanford had a personal and professional career-ending meltdown, the Five Horsemen looked like this:
(1) Mike Huckabee
(2) Mitt Romney
(3) Charlie Crist
(4) Tim Pawlenty
(5) John Huntsman
Huntsman is the one the MSM called “the dark horse” candidate for a while, complete with “off the record” reports from Rahm Emanuel that he’s the one the White House is most worried about. Sort of like how the Globetrotters tell the “press” how concerned about the Washington Generals’ offense before their “games”.
The Hunstman push never really took off; he left his governorship to become Ambassador to China, is a fan of Tap & Tax, was a fan of dumping a trillion dollars down the toilet earlier this year in “stimulus”, and is so transparently the candidate the White House WANTS to run against, that even Chris Matthews stopped pushing him.
Today, for the first time, we’re seeing the MSM pushing Senator John Thune as the Fifth Horseman, taking Huntsman’s place. Essentially, it’s a generic, youngish, Western, white Senator as boring as Wonderbread and cucumber sandwiches replacing the Governor version of himself on the list, now including Bobby Jindal again since Mike Huckabee’s political career was terminated by the aftermath of his overzealous clemency spree as Arkansas governor (which caught up with him when a black criminal he commuted the sentence of went on a cop-killing spree in Tacoma, Washington that made Willie Horton look like a choir boy).
The current Five Horsemen of the 2012 GOP Apocalypse are now:
(1) Tim Pawlenty
(2) Mitt Romney
(3) Charlie Crist
(4) Bobby Jindal
(5) John Thune
Here’s why each of these men would be a disaster against Dr. Utopia, and why the MSM wants the GOP to run them as the 2012 nominee:
(1) Tim Pawlenty — there has never been a good picture taken of this man. He looks perpetually tired, with more bags under his eyes than Aliyah tried to cram into that ill-fated flight in the Bahamas. A Pawlenty 2012 campaign would be just as successful as a result. The GOP needs a vibrant candidate who inspires great emotion in her or his supporters. We doubt even Pawlenty’s own family would be revved up and excited by his run. The MSM will be working overtime for Dr. Utopia, so whomever runs against him has to command attention…has to be so captivating that MSM can’t refuse to cover her or him. Pawlenty does not, and will never fit the bill. He could be Vice President though, easily, if the person at the top of the ticket is vibrant and attention getting enough for both of them.
(2) Mitt Romney — Nobody trusts this guy. What does he even stand for? We’re sure he’s a nice man. When he was manufactured by Mattel several decades ago, he was a very successful model. Will he ever fire conservatives up to rally behind him? Not on your life. They don’t trust him any more than we do. Romney is the classic GOP candidate from a bad movie: slick, perfect hair, giant plastic smile, with the ability to change positions on every issue like a weather vain (spelling intended, because it’s so apt for Romney too). By 2012, one of the narratives against Dr. Utopia will be that he’s been all sizzle, no steak…all promises and marketing, but no substance. People will want a GOP candidate who stands for something, who means what she says and says what she means. Unless Romney puts on a wig, starts rocking great boots, and changes his name to Sarah Palin, he has no chance in Hell of beating Dr. Utopia. Unlike Pawlenty, we also don’t think he can be her VP. He’s too slimey, and too much of an opportunistic flip-flopper. He would, however, make an EXCELLENT Commerce Secretary or Secretary of the Treasury. Palin should campaign with him as that…just right out of the gate, have Romney say that if she’s elected he’d be heading up Commerce or Treasury. Wouldn’t that be interesting?
(3) Charlie Crist dressed up in drag on many occasions as “Charlotte” at the Green Igauna gay bar in Tampa, Florida. The MSM knows this, just as the MSM knew all about Tiger Woods’ depravity and philandering. The MSM chose to hold off on exposing Crist so it can push him for 2012, and hope he gets far enough into the nomination process to hit the GOP square in the eye with photos of him carousing around with scantily clad men — if you have spent any time in a gay bar in the last 20 years, we guarantee there are photos of you when you are drunk, SOMEWHERE. Crist will do more damage to the GOP than Larry Craig, Mark Foley, and Trent Lott combined. He is like a suitcase nuke just waiting to go off — a powder pink, Louis Vuitton with little hearts and rainbows stamped all over it.
(4) Bobby Jindal was pushed by the MSM right after Dr. Utopia was elected, because the MSM thought the GOP would be stupid enough to run him — for the sole reason that he’s Indian, so not white, and the GOP would Marginot Line the 2012 elections by thinking it needed to run a non-white candidate to go up against the non-white Democrat incumbent. Wrong. All of that white guilt and historic “first admittedly part black candidate” stuff is over. It was all used up in 2008. Jindal is honestly one of the ugliest people in politics right now. He is creepy-looking. That’s not because he is Indian. There are plenty of gorgeous Indian men. Jimmy Mistri, for one. That guy’s a babe. Jindal looks like something that would be hiding under the bed waiting for you to fall asleep so it could smuther you and eat your toes. Gives us the creeps, and like Pawlenty there are no known good photos of him. Top this off with the fact that he comes off as a bumbling fool on television — like when he did the Republican rebuttal to one of Dr. Utopia’s endless speeches and was so terrible he was lampooned as “Kenneth the Intern” by just about everyone. Let Jindal stay the Governor of Louisiana for as long as the people there want him. Then, send him to the Senate so he can be the “first Indian Senator”. He is not a VP choice either. Great Merciful Zeus, that man is ugly.
(5) John Thune — a generic white man of average-to-decent looks, straight out of central casting. This is another man who will not inspire anyone to give up their jobs, leave their families behind, and volunteer for him the icy cold of Iowa and the months that feel like years which make up a presidential campaign. No one is going to wake up at 5am and work until 3am the next day for John Thune. However, he might be a good Vice Presidential pick, especially for a female candidate who would want a decent-looking guy to share the ticket with her. The question remains: could Thune be the attack dog the VP candidate needs to be? Could he decimate Joe Biden and make him look like an absolute fool? Does he need to, since Biden’s pretty good at doing that to himself?
Republicans need to run a solid conservative who generates excitement in 2012. Someone people can be passionate about, someone people are willing to break up their piggy banks for and give up most of their free time for the next two years.
You know by now we want that person to be Sarah Palin, but here are some more names for who we think could give Dr. Utopia a run for his money in 2012:
(A) Sarah Palin — the only person we see right now who would definitely win
(B) Dick Cheney — he’s said he doesn’t want it, but we’d campaign our hearts out for him too. He would be tough as nails and deliver some serious smackdown.
(C) Newt Gingrich — before Palin and Cheney, this was the biggest boogeyman the Left had. We think what he did to his cancer-stricken wife earned him a special place in Hell, and we would not campaign for him, but he’s still a better choice than the Five Horsemen
Giving credit where credit is due: Dr. Utopia chooses his own opponent for 2012 = John Huntsman
When we met Michael Steele last month, one of the things we told him is that Democrats and the MSM pick Republican candidates they want to run against. Moderate Republicans do not win national elections. Normally, we’re thrilled when the GOP allows weak, fatally-flawed Republicans to run against Democrats — when those are Democrats we like and want to win. Here in Chicago, the GOP backing crazed loon Rosana Pulido in the 5th Congressional race in March against good-guy Mike Quigley was marvelous. It was the Pulido Generals versus the Quigley Globetrotters, and things went down just the way you’d expect in exhibition, high-styling, guest-starred in an episode of Scooby Doo!, basketball.
But, this isn’t so funny when Republicans select candidates who will clearly lose to bad Democrats…or to flat-out SOCIALISTS.
We THOUGHT the GOP would learn its lesson and not allow the Democrats and MSM to pick Dr. Utopia’s 2012 opponent, but this is exactly what’s happening, people.
And we have to give credit where it is very, very much due because the way they are going about this is perfectly executed and in complete control of all the casual news-readers out there who have no idea they are being played.
Bobby Jindal and Charlie Crist are repeatedly held up by the MSM as two leading contenders for the GOP’s nomination in 2012. Because both of them will lose to Dr. Utopia (Jindal, because he is neither a remedy to Dr. Utopia nor an opposing narrative to his own and Crist, because he is orange, for one, and because of what he used to get up to at the Green Iguana in Tampa, for two, three, and cha-cha-cha).
Read the Redstate piece as it details how John Huntsman has been engineered by Democrats and the MSM, with McCain’s help, to become the Republican nominee in 2012.
Honestly, if Republicans are stupid enough to nominate a moderate two elections in a row, then the GOP deserves to self-implode as a party; if Americans really are stupid enough to give Dr. Utopia a second term, in which he would at last be able to reveal himself for who he truly is and revel in an absolute radical leftist agenda free of any elections to defeat him and anything on Earth to stop him, then maybe America itself deserves to implode and end under him. Because, at that point, we would indeed just give up. We did our part. We sure as Hell tried to stop this. And we will surely turn out the lights as we leave.
Because the warning signs on all of this are as clear as day. The only thing restraining Dr. Utopia today is the fact that he needs, at the very core of his being, to win that second term. Every day, he is campaigning for that, because losing the presidency like Carter or Bush Sr. would quite possibly destroy this egomaniac. Republicans are out there doing whatever it is they do all day, but Dr. Utopia is plotting and scheming with Axelrod, Emanuel, and Co. for that second term.
They know full well Hope! and Change! won’t work a second time around, and that in 2012, nothing will have changed in this country, except for the worse. By 2012, the wild inflation caused by Dr. Utopia’s reckless spending will whallup us all, and all of the new social programs germanated by the Trillions in spending he’s forced through Congress will still be sucking more tax dollars from states and local government, forever needing more infusions of cash from the feds to stay afloat. Unless Dr. Utopia REALLY IS the light-bringing miracle worker his followers believe he is, we are going to be in seriously bad shape in 2012.
Which means, the way Dr. Utopia wins a second term is to run against Jindal, Crist, or Huntsman, with Hunstman’s fatal flaw being the fact that he’s even more moderate than John McCain — and McCain is a Republican we, as Democrats, love but whom we, as Democrats who do not support Dr. Utopia’s socialist agenda, do not want to see hand-pick his successor as GOP nominee.
The one hope we have in all of this goes back to that conversation during the Pride Parade last year we had with Log Cabin Republicans in Sidetrack’s here in Boystown. Remember, those guys told us they did not want McCain to win because he was too moderate, so they were going to let Dr. Utopia become Carter Part Deux so that a new Reagan could emerge, and a true conservative candidate would be the 2012 nominee.
The media keeps pounding and pounding and pounding a drumbeat that the Republican Party is dead, with TIME magazine featuring an “endangered species” elephant on its cover and Arnold Schwarzenegger braying that the party needs to move left to survive.
Well, moving to the center didn’t win you 2008…and it won’t win you 2012. When something does not work out well for you, you do not do more of it. Dummies.
This push for Hunstman, Jindal, and Crist also, you may have noticed, remains in coordinated concert with daily efforts to malign, berate, and nuetralize SARAH PALIN, the one person we see in the GOP field who will indeed defeat Dr. Utopia and send him packing to Hawaii (because we also don’t believe, once defeated, he’ll be coming back to Chicago…it will be Honolulu all the way, baby, from then on, where his presidential library will also indeed be, Mayor Daley be damned). Mitt Romney will also lose, we believe, and that’s hard for us to say because we like Romney and have many Romney supporters as friends, but he won’t win.
Sarah Palin will win.
But, will she run remains to be seen. Honestly, the MSM is doing a very effective hit job on her, with talking points from the White House itself. Many Republican diaper-babies we know cry, “She can’t be the nominee! They will attack her! They will make her into a joke! A woman can’t be the nominee because Tina Fey will make fun of her!”. Well, in this Golden Age of Hope, there remains the possibility that Tina Fey could acquire crippling laryngittis in 2012 (or possibly realize that she, a feminist, might not want to be the poster woman for trying to take down the first female presidential nominee of either party…but would Fey respond to Palin with gender motivation the way racists like Colin Powell jumped aboard Dr. Utopia’s snake oil bandwagon? That too remains to be seen).
Why the diaper-babies believe Palin is the only GOP nominee the media would savage is beyond us. The MSM will do everything it can to destroy whomever the GOP puts out there. By 2012, most media outlets will be under tacit government control, as the lurch towards nationalizing them under Dr. Utopia has already begun (The New York Times as a 501C3 nonprofit, with tax-free status? Really? And as a beneficiary of Dr. Utopia’s largesse in this way, don’t you think they would be EVEN MORE inclined to do the White House’s bidding?). Jindal, Crist, and Huntsman are all paper tigers set up early so they will be in place to tear down in another round of glorious, leg-tingling, celebrated speechifying come the 2012 campaign.
Meanwhile, in Alaska, we have a real life Momma Grizzly who is head and shoulders above the paper tiger men who share the hypothetical field with her. Men, in many ways, we feel don’t hold the slightest candle to her.
And that’s why Sarah Palin remains target number one, while mouth-breathers like Hunstman, Jindal, and Crist are lavished such praise by Dr. Utopia’s determined supporters…and yet, Republicans apparently don’t make the connection that nominating someone the White House and the MSM wants Dr. Utopia to run against might just be a bad thing.
It’s more than a little depressing writing this today, because we are committed to doing whatever we can to defeat Dr. Utopia in 2012, and will once again put our hearts and souls into this, but we have a sinking feeling that, just like in 2008, we’ll have the wrong person at the top of the ticket (on both sides of the aisle, really, yet again).
Democrats are reading 2008 very, very wrong
Looking back on the general election, of all the bizarre experiences we collectively had, in many states, on many campaign related adventures that involved far too much Iowa for any one lifetime, the one that still haunts us is the Chicago Gay Pride Parade on June 29th, 2008. We had spent two weeks trying to get the Democrats’ presumed nominee to attend his first-ever Pride Parade, right here in his hometown, but instead he decided to get his hair cut and play basketball at the tony East Bank Club downtown (because, Heaven knows, there are no hairdressers or rugged, athletic, shirtless basketball types who could have helped a candidate out anywhere NEAR Boystown on the last Sunday of June, in the middle of the largest Gay Pride Parade between New York and San Francisco…where it’s almost guarateed said haircutting and/or basketball playing would automatically result in a water and/or tickle fight of some kind, scored to the Weather Girls blaring off Rahm Emanuel’s strawberry-pink boombox).
We were watching the parade slink by Sidetrack’s in Boystown, camped out at a choice air-conditioned spot by the big floor-to-ceiling windows, as our friend Jorge flaked on us to chase after a pastry chef he’d been after for a while (there are so many bakery-themed cruller, hot buns, and buttered rolls jokes we could do here, you have no idea). Left to our own devices, in Team Hillary rainbow-bedazzled shirts, we found ourselves in the company of a 50-something Republican and his 20-something “friend”, as the case typically is at Sidetrack’s. This was very early in our Democrats for McCain efforts, and we were still, at the time, suppressing with great difficulty our indoctrinated impulses to run screaming from the room at the sight of any Republican (“Vampires. That’s what they are. Vampires. Run, run and never look back,” the primitive, partisan, medulaoblongomacrat center of our brain egged on).
“I voted for Hillary, you know. I never thought I would say that, and I never thought I would like the woman, but man alive, did she fight. She undid years of everything I thought about her and I see her as a real person now. We all do. Even Rush likes her. Sort of,” the Republican in front of us said, basking in the rainbow-sparkling Hillary tees dazzling before him, which, to be honest, are as 100% effective in warding off unfavorable remarks about our champ as garlic and Holy water are at fending off real vampires. It’s hard to imagine anyone giving us a hard time about Clinton when we’re geared up with her big smiling face on our sparkly chests.
But, it was even harder for us to imagine what the Republican said next…and it still leaves us stunned.
He told us that while he would have preferred Hillary Clinton to the Democrats’ eventual nominee, Dr. Utopia, there was no way he was going to vote for John McCain, because McCain was too moderate. He wasn’t going to vote for Dr. Utopia (though he might have voted for Clinton), so he was going to skip the first election in his adult life. He just wasn’t going to vote, and launched into a long and still, to this day, head-scratching explanation of why he thought 4 years of economy-destroying, malaise-inducing, Carteresque buffoonary was better than electing John McCain the 44th President of the United States.
“Because then we get a new Reagan after the new Carter,” he said, taking a long sip off his even longer Island ice tea, like a cat that had just finished doing something especially vile in secret somewhere, savoring every last drop of schemaliciousness.
And his little friend, still in college, agreed with every word he said, before asking for a pair of twenties to buy another round, then cruising every last Aberzombie he passed en Byzantine route to the bar.
The Republican said a lot more, but he might as well have been talking underwater because we were too stunned to hear most of it, on top of the distractions of the parade and a busy bar in general. By the time the massive Sidetrack’s float passed by the windows and the place really got loud with cheers for the rainbow-speedo-clad bartenders turned Pride Parade go-go boys on the bar’s sponsored float, a few more Log Cabin Republicans had joined us, including one whose name we never remember because he’s a dead-ringer for a young Troy Donahue (but we call him Tab Hunter, since that’s more fun to say, and most people we know don’t have a clue who we’re talking about anyway).
Tab Hunter agreed with the first Republican, saying it was the opinion of Log Cabins at large that having 4 years of national acid reflux with Carter Redux was far more appealing than a one-term moderate presidency for John McCain (who very few ever expected to run again in 2012).
We’ll never forget their faces, as the young “friend” returned with the round of drinks (but, conveniently, not any change) and everyone stared blankly at the floats passing by, firm in their belief that everything they knew would happen to the deficit, to inflation, to increased government graft and corruption, to an empowered and better-funded ACORN, in the four years Dr. Utopia would have in Washington would be markedly preferable to four years with a moderate Repubican in office.
It was a parade of fools.
And the lot of us in that bar, crossing the aisle for the first time in our lives, realized we were working much, much harder to elect McCain than REPUBLICANS were, and that was the scariest and craziest thing any of us had experienced in a long, long while.
It still doesn’t make any damn sense, to be honest. Maybe it will in 2012.
But, the video above of Schumer is no accident: it is part of a very well-orchestrated plan hatched at the DNC to use the MSM and every available platform to push a weak Republican candidate to face Dr. Utopia in the next election, to guarantee him a second term. Schumer’s saying the GOP is too conservative, and needs to be moderate, but moderate is what cost the GOP the 2008 race. That’s like Oprah waking up one day and realizing little chocolate doughnuts, so delicious, are the cause of most of her girth and problems, yet deciding to order two vanloads of them today instead of her usual delivery. If something is a problem, you need more of it. We have always been at war with Eastasia. This strategy is indeed doubleplusgood.
Bobby Jindal is repeatedly pushed as the Webster to Dr. Utopia’s Arnold, the Deep Impact to his Armageddon, the Bug’s Life to his Antz. Jindal is a fatally flawed national candidate who will be excoriated by the media once he’d become the Republican nominee. It’s the same with Charlie Crist, who the media also pushes, much to the GOP’s detriment. Crist and Jindal should never have a slot on a national ticket. Because the MSM will indeed protect a Democrat from anything embarassing in his past (like his myriad latenight adventures in Chicago nightlife), but they will NOT extend the same ass-covering courtesy (literally) for someone with an R at the end of his name (or a Bob Mackie, Cher-inspired, sequined original in his closet, as the case may be).
Mitt Romney has too much of a gooey center as well. Though, if you listen to Schumer, you’d think he’d be just the candidate Republicans need, or at least just the candidate Democrats advise the Republicans they need, the same way the Washington Generals dutifully listen to every pointer Globetrotters like Schumer give them.
Tab Hunter and the rest of the Log Cabin pride crowd aren’t going to get revved up for Romney any more than they were mad for McCain. “Let him have another term, and then in 2016, we can have a new Reagan, or even a new Bush, after eight years of Clinton, unless Clinton runs again, and then we’ll have to go back to hating her for no reason.” We can just hear this nonsense now.
We clearly want to see Sarah Palin take Dr. Utopia on in three years. CLEARLY. But, the MSM is having a very real effect on many Republicans we know here in Chicago: more and more of them say that Palin can’t run for national office again because the MSM keeps pummeling her, and that Tina Fey will still be around to ridicule her more for the next three years, so Republicans should dump Palin and find someone who the MSM and SNL can’t make fun of.
Good luck with that.
Everyone can be made fun of.
Bobby Jindal will be depicted with his exorcism kit, expelling demons from under every bed, evicting Satan from every closet…where Charlie Crist just HAPPENS to be hiding, trussed up like Charlotte Rae, pearl necklace courtesy of the regulars down at the Green Iguana in Tampa…where Mitt Romney enters, clad only in his sacred magic underwear, lost, mugged, and looking for a phone to call Salt Lake to send Elders to save him.
Look what we did there, and we’re not even particularly original or talented.
But, at least we’re aware enough to realize that NO MATTER WHO Republicans run, that person will be ripped to shreds by the MSM and an entire entertainment industry that EXISTS to belittle and bemoan conservativism.
Republicans, in many ways, have themselves to blame for this. What Schumer does NOT offer as advice is something we tell all of you each and every day: lay off the gays, stop using abortion as a wedge issue, and send your religious zealots to the back of the bus if you want fiscal conservativism to relate to people who would truly embrace you, if not for all the hate flung at them in the form of weaponized religion.
Believe what you want. Keep pictures of Tom Cruise, Nathan Lane, and us for all we care up on your dartboards. Hate away! But just shut your mouths in public about it. Damn people to Hell silently, secure in your knowledge that you know best, but realize that all those male-male couples paying WAY TOO MUCH TAX on the spacious three bedroom condos they share on the Gold Coast with adorable labradoodles named Will and Grace would be votes you could have if not for Leviticus this or abomination that.
Because we have enough Obamanation currently and don’t need an extra four years of it because of your myopic stupidity.
And the greatest fear we have in this world, at this moment in time, is that we’re the only ones who see what the MSM and people like Schumer are doing: they are setting Republicans up for a 2012 fall. Mercifully, we were able to tell Michael Steele this in person when he was here in Chicago. No one can ever say a group of Hillary Dems in Boystown didn’t warn the Republicans about the heaping helpings of Jindal, Crist, and Romney coming their way. Robots sent from the future couldn’t have done a better job getting apocalypse-halting messages to the RNC than we did at the Union League Club (especially considering how we weren’t allowed in at first wearing jeans, and time-traveling cyborgs arrive completely nude in their temporal orbs, so we imagine the Union League Club would have had a problem with that too (but then again, maybe they just really, really hate jeans, but Austrian nudism is perfectly fine).
Media pushing for Bobby Jindal for 2012 again
The more we see of Jindal, and actually hear him speak, the more we like the man…for 2020 or 2024 (when another Democrat can beat him, not the one we want to see lose to a Republican in 4 years). In 4 years we want a really good, strong, competent Republican to deny Obama a second term (and end what we believe will be 4 years of wasteful spending).
Jindal would not beat Obama in 2012. He does not offer a clear narrative break from Obama, or supply an effective remedy to any of Obama’s faults — though it is still much, much too early to know how voters will feel in 2012, and who exactly would be the best alternative and remedy to Obama at that time. But, just on the surface, Jindal is cut from the same Obama pattern, and worse, there’s the fact Jindal attended and participated in an exorcism, and also backed creationism in schools (things the left accuse other Republicans we like of doing, while Jindal’s actually DONE THEM).
But, the enthusiasm the media has in pushing Jindal, and also Charlie Crist, for 2012 should give Republicans pause. Why on Earth would you listen to the media and pick the candidate they want to see run against Obama, when the media wants Obama to have a second term?
Makes. No. Sense.
Because if you think in 2012 the media’s not going to talk about the unusual things Jindal’s engaged in religiously outside the mainstream, then maybe you need an exorcism too.
