Dear Readers,
I have never written to you on a personal level before, because I’ve long tried my level best to keep some sort of wall between the HillBuzz world of politics and my own normal life in Chicago. When my friends and I started this site back in 2008, it was to help Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, and I found myself churning out 15,000-20,000 words a day combatting all the lies the Media was telling while trying to break the Clinton campaign and force now-Secretary Clinton to “just quit”.
I was a lifelong Democrat who became so disgusted with the actions and behaviors of his party, and saw the dangers of what the new Obama Democrats wanted to do to America, that I accepted an overture from the McCain campaign to put all my energy — and HillBuzz’s reach — into Democrats for McCain efforts the day after Secretary Clinton suspended her campaign.
Soon after that, when Governor Palin arrived on the national scene, I knew she was the real deal, and that America would be well served with her as Vice President. It was a thrill and an honor to campaign for her as a Democrat for Palin back in 2008.
Now that I no longer consider myself a Democrat, but some kind of independent since the Democrat Party is so unrecognizable to me, I’m proud to be a supporter of Governor Palin’s and have made a personal pledge to do everything I can to see her become our next president. I believe in her. I know she loves this country. I have read everything she has ever written and have been closely following every word she’s spoken since she was announced as McCain’s VP pick. I have yet to disagree with anything she has said or done.
She IS our next president, you betcha, and I will continue, every day, to do all I can to see that happen.
Now, on a personal level, this has cost me more than I have ever let on. Because the Left does not want to allow a gay man living in Chicago to do everything he can to defeat Obama, as I have been doing for over two years now, the Left decided the best way to shut me up was to blast my name everywhere, call me a racist, and try to get as many people in the gay community to hate me as possible…making life for me as hard as they could. As I noted before, we kept HillBuzz totally anonymous for this very reason — because all of us involved, my friends and I, wanted to have lives outside politics.
I never wanted to be a gay activist. I wanted to continue being a freelance project manager and development consultant to nonprofits who just happened to be gay, and who just happened, in his spare time, to write about politics on a site run with his friends, in the heart of Boystown, essentially broadcasting our own snarky little conversations to all of you.
Fran Eaton, the Editor of Illinois Review, change the course of my life in December of 2009 when she published my full name and gave information on how to find me in Chicago, linking me for the first time to HillBuzz — which she knew was anonymous because of the potential damage the Left would do to any of us if they knew our real identities. Fran Eaton deliberately did this to me because she wanted to ruin my business, make me unemployable in Chicago, and shut me down. She did it willfully, knowingly, and fully conscious of the damage she’d do. She wanted to ruin my life, and for a while I believed this evil glutton did just that.
Since Fran Eaton gave the Left the means to attack me, I’ve lost a lot of friends…all of whom were in the gay community, and all of whom are blind-party voting Democrats. These are people who were raised to hate Republicans, to call Republicans all sorts of vile names, and to lash out emotionally at anyone who dares criticize Democrat-proffered dogma. I realize these people were never, in fact, friend of mine at all. They were people I knew, socially and casually. Some of whom were guys I’d dated, and because I was a moderate Democrat, and a Hillary guy, I never saw how much hate was in them.
It took being on the other side — coming out as a conservative and a patriot — for the hate to be leveled at me, once Fran Eaton served me up on a platter for these attacks. And I have to say, on a very personal level, that there were times for several months after Fran Eaton did this that I wanted to kill myself. Every day, reading the filth the Left sends to the mailbox here at HillBuzz, or the nastiness I got on my personal email from those Fran Eaton sent my way, really sapped me of all will to live. There were some pretty dark times, between Scott Brown’s win in Massachusetts in January and very recently, when I started to realize that maybe Fran Eaton was a puzzle piece in a larger quest I didn’t even realize I was on.
I wrote a piece the other day about the movie “Eat, Pray, Love”, and a throwaway line Julia Roberts has in the film where she talks about “Quest Theory”, and how we are all on these quests, set up by God or whatever you believe in, and everyone who we encounter is meant to either help us get to where we need to be, or hinder us from getting there. Everything around you is a clue or puzzle to solve to get you to where you need to go, whether you know where you are going and want to be there or not.
I never wanted to be a writer, though my friends always enjoyed my emails and little stories. I never wanted to be involved in politics, though that was always a clear passion of mine. I never wanted to run a website, even though I spent hours pouring over pieces others had written, and had always kept up with favorite politicians the way most guys around me in Boystown followed celebrities.
I always kept that wall between HillBuzz and my personal world because part of me hoped that one day I’d be able to walk away from all of this and go back to just being me. While I was an anonymous writer, that was possible, because no one knew Bruce Wayne and Batman were one and the same. But, something happened a few nights ago that made me realize there is no going back for me now, ever, and maybe that’s a good thing…maybe that’s part of my quest.
A good friend of mine had her birthday party at a little hipster dive bar near Boystown called The Holiday Club. I’d never been there before, but guarantee I will be going back: it’s retro, crazy-cool inside, with lots of knicknacks and collectibles, bowling pins as decorative art, and scores of old photos on the wall highlighting a more glamorous Chicago of the past. The bartenders are cool, the drinks are strong, there’s an actual photo booth you can play around with, and a BLT wrap with a heaping mound of sweet potatoe fries is $6.00, tax included. It’s an awesome place for a birthday party, and I honestly had one of the best times in years meeting all sorts of interesting people and just relaxing and enjoying myself. Not thinking about politics. Not jotting notes down into my little pocket moleskin for the twelve essays I wanted to write tomorrow. I got to be just some guy, at a party, in a cool little space, having fun.
I can’t remember the last time that happened.
And I should have known it was all ultimately a setup for some lesson or clue on “The Quest”, becuase during the night I started talking to a guy I hit it off with, who knew a lot of the same people as I did, including a guy named Jacobi I’d been dating in January…who broke up with me on January 21st, the day after the Left bombarded Google with all those shouts that I was a racist, that I should be found and beaten, and that I should be attacked because I helped the Brown campaign fundraise and strategize, via HillBuzz, and this was cause for the Left to declare open war on me (at last having the ability to do so, because of the actions of Fran Eaton at Illinois Review). Jacobi said this was “terrifying”, and even though things were going well for us, despite him being a Liberal, and despite him knowing I was a strong supporter of Governor Palin’s, he said he didn’t want to see me again because “the Internet says you are a racist”. Thanks alot, Fran Eaton. That was a 24-year old ballet dancer who was seemingly allergic to wearing clothes in the house…and he liked me just fine as Kevin, development consultant, but not Kevin, the writer, who inconveniently writes with a conservative bent that for whatever reason drives the Left bat-guano insane.
So, Jacobi was the last guy I dated, and he ended it because he Googled me one day and didn’t like what the Left had put out there. I’ve lost more jobs than I can count since Fran Eaton did what she did to me, because that Google attack from the Left has kept all the nonprofits I used to work with from hiring me on, since they don’t want to be associated with someone the Left keeps calling RAAACIST! on Daily Kos, Democratic Underground, and all those other Soros-backed insane asylumus in the cyberverse.
Since Fran’s outing, I’ve done a lot more radio and TV commentaries, because I felt like the cat was out of the bag so I didn’t have anything to lose. If anyone Googling me would find all this stuff, and track me back to HillBuzz anyway, and learn I was a gay conservative unafraid to ever back down, then what was stopping me from really getting my message out?
Until this birthday party at the Holiday Club, I didn’t actually realize people were recognizing me off the street, and putting me into the same category as Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, Governor Palin, and other people who actually matter. Though I realize HillBuzz has made a small impact here and there across the political spectrum, and it’s been involved in a few Chicago stories that became national news, if only briefly, I didn’t realize how much Fran Eaton and the Left’s attacks on me had actually taken me to a whole other level.
Because while I was at that party, and talking to this guy named Keifer, and chatting about just every day things that didn’t matter, I realized Keifer liked me and kept the conversation going hoping for more. I enjoy when people talk about their pets, or when old people ramble through stories that don’t matter to anyone else, because I love how sweetly they all talk about these nonsensical things so close to their hearts. Keifer started in on his cat, and how it does this, that, or the other, and the stories were legitimately boring to anyone but me, but I enjoyed them all the same because it was this little insight into a person I doubt they share with too many others. Jacobi, being gorgeous and in prime physical shape, used to love talking about his cat too (a monster, who was jealous of anyone else getting near Jacobit, so he’d bite and scratch me the whole time I was in Jacobi’s apartment)…the only time Jacobi would talk about anything besides how gorgeous and in-shape he was, or how much people loved and hitted on him. Those cat stories, however, revealed a Jacobi that was surprisingly sweet, playful, and interesting. Which is not the impression he gives off of himself 95% of the day.
So, Keifer’s cat stories had me interested…until he started in how something his cat did was “dumber than Sarah Palin’s retarded baby”.
If you have been reading this site for any length of time at all, you can pretty much guess how the rest of this went down, up to a point.
I told Keifer that calling anyone “retarded” is wrong, and that Trig Palin is a hero of mine. I told him the story of how I met Sarah Palin in Washington, Illinois earlier this year, right before Trig’s birthday, and she told everyone in the room how he was doing and that he bolts upright every morning, giggles, and greets each day with a giant smile on his face and a laugh that just fills his room. I am in absolute awe of the goodness, joy, and LIFE inside that little angel.
I also told Keifer that I am a strong supporter of Governor Palin’s and that every day I try to do whatever I can to make sure the RNC does not keep her from winning the nomination in 2012, because I think that’s actually going to be more of a fight than winning the presidency for the Governor.
“Oh my god, I know who you are. I thought you looked familiar, but I’ve read about you. I’ve seen you on TV. You’re that guy I hate. You’re that guy who helps the Republicans. You’re that guy who loves Sarah Palin,” Keifer shouted at me.
His eyes got wild, he started shaking, and he pointed his finger straight in my face.
“You’re an evil celebrity,” Keifer continued, “and I hate you. I hate you like that girl on The View, the dumb one, the one I hate”.
“Whoopi?”, I asked.
“No, the other one.”
“Joy Behar?”
“Yah, that’s her. I hate her. And I hate Sarah Palin. And I hate you, because you’re a vampire,” he said, before throwing what was left of his PBR right in my face.
I bet a year ago, I would have probably answered this outburst with one of my own, and things would have degenerated into some kind of shouting match. I might have even hauled off and punched this guy in the face (even though I’ve never hit anyone in all my life).
But, instead, I was shockingly calm. I learned a lot from watching Hillary Clinton up close on the campaign trail in 2008, and how she handled lunatics who popped up in rope lines calling her a murderer, and claiming wildly that she killed Vince Foster and all sorts of other people. And Secretary Clinton would look at them, smile, and say, “Well, thank you for your opinion. That certainly is a unique take on things, and I hope you have a good evening”.
She was wonderful at that.
And Governor Palin is the same, as evidenced recently when a woman in Alaska started railing at her for resigning as Governor, even though, in the same breath, that woman said Governor Palin was the worst governor EVAH. ”So, you wanted me to stay your Governor, or you didn’t want me, which is it?,” Palin asked, and the woman was befuddled and didn’t know what to say.
It was the same with Keifer when, after he threw his drink in my face, I calmly told him that was a very rude thing to do…and then asked him if this is what all Obama supporters do to people they don’t agree with. I asked him where he learned to hate people so much, including Elizabeth Hassleback from The View, whom he hates with burning passion, without knowing her actual, real name.
Keifer couldn’t process the logical and non-emotional response to what he did, and instead just screamed, “I hope you get AIDS and die!”.
Longtime readers will know there’s a woman in New Hampshire named Susan Traversy who send us emails that say things like this, so as horrible of a thing as that is to hear, it’s not like I’ve never heard that before. Traversy used to habitate all sorts of aliases, and send those messages one after another, carrying on conversations with herself where she told us how much she wanted us to die terrible deaths.
I asked Keifer, as I’ve asked Traversy, “Is that the Hope Obama talked about in 2008? The hope that someone you don’t agree with gets AIDS and dies? Is that the Hope we were all promised? Because if so, I volunteer every weekend cleaning the homes of people who are living with AIDS and in their last bouts with it, and I think you might learn a thing or two if you’d tag along sometime, or better yet go volunteer with TPAN or Chicago House or other organizations that help the AIDS-inflicted, because that’s not something you should wish on anyone, Keifer”.
At that point, he just made barnyard noises, started pulling on his hair, and then raced out of the bar and into the night like something out of a Tex Avery cartoon. It was bizarre, everyone stared at him, and I was wearing a black shirt so no one could tell I had beer all over me (and in a dive bar that smells like beer anyway, no one noticed).
As I walked home, though, I kept thinking about Keifer calling me “an evil celebrity”. Which I don’t think I am. Evil, or a celebrity. But, apparently, I do get recognized now, and once again I have to decide if I want to slink away and give up writing about the things I am passionate about, or just accept the reality that I’ve indeed made enough of an impact through HillBuzz to threaten these people and make them come unhinged.
Whenever these people bad-mouth Governor Palin or insult little Trig, I know I have a choice to make: either I have to stand up for people I believe in and admire, or I can be a coward and say nothing, allow them to be besmirched, because I am in Leftist territory and vastly outnumbered. This makes me flash to Catholic school, where Sister Francis Borgia taught me in second grade the story of Peter denying Jesus thrice before the rooster crowed one morning. He had three chances to stand up for who and what he believed in, and he took the coward’s way out because he was afraid of the Romans.
Well, I’ll take a beer to the face, or even a punch, for Governor Palin and little Trig any day. I’ll accept whatever nasty thing the Left wants to do today, willingly, because I am tired of seeing people run in terror from these lunatics. I am sick to death of watching Republicans buckle when threatened by the Daily Kos crowd, and I’m so very tired of conservatives allowing the Left to run roughshod over this country because they are scared of the Left targeting them for resisting.
Just as Jacobi broke things off with me because he Googled me after the Left’s attacks in January, and Keifer threw his drink at me and told me he hoped I got AIDS and died because he realized I’m a conservative political writer he’d heard of (and hated), I know that in the future there’s going to be some crazy Leftist zealot, most likely in the gay community, who’s going to take things even further…and possibly physically harm me because I won’t shut up, sit down, and allow the Left to tank this country.
Will I still say I support Governor Palin and still stand up for Trig, even if the Romans want to throw me to lions?
Most definitely.
I crossed the Rubicon with this stuff a long time ago, folks.
And it’s apparently changed me.
I might not be as handsome as my friend Sebastian, or as sweet and kind as Robby; I’ll never be the life of the party that Panda is or have the frat boy cool of Joaquin. But, I can churn out a Hell of a lot of content in a day. I can plot and scheme with the best of them and I specialize in thinking outside the box and finding ways to not only beat the Left at their own games, but drive them completely insane while doing it.
If I’m recognizable enough of a threat to get that drink in my face, and the umpteenth wish of AIDS upon my head, then I’m taking flak because I’m over the right target.
I’m someone who’s been labeled a gay activist, when I never set out to be one.
I’m a writer, where that sort of just happened.
And apparently, now I’m an “evil celebrity” in conservative ranks because the Left has devoted so much time, attention, and energy into building me up into one.
And for that, I guess I have to say, “Thanks lunatics”, because you created your own worst enemy. That drink to the face just fired me up even more to work harder to bring the Left down, expose it for what it really is, and do whatever I can to bring reason to the gay community so that I can drive big of a wedge as possible between these blind-Democrat voters and the DNC.
I can’t help thinking that HillBuzz can indeed become successful in this, because if I wasn’t onto something, then I wouldn’t be taking the heat that I get…in spades…from the Jacobis, Keifers, Traversys, and other nutters out there.
I must be doing something right…or they wouldn’t be calling me a vampire…or “an evil celebrity”.
Just think, all of you here get to say you knew me when I was just some anonymous guy on a snarky little website, with no idea what a boogeyman he’d become for these crazy people.
K.D.
Washington DC, 8/27/10