Never, Ever Take A Drink From A Stranger in A Bar
As I write this, I feel like I’m making one of those old “The More You Know” PSAs on NBC, but I wanted to make sure that those of you who go out to bars know never to take drinks from strangers. Ever.
This weekend a fixture of the Boystown bar scene was slipped some GHB in his drink, which was given to him by a stranger — and this led to an ultimate trip to the ER once he got home and realized he’d been drugged. The man who had his drink doused is a photographer who hops from bar to bar in Boystown snapping nightlife photos for the various gay publications in town. He is a terrific person (and a good friend of Belinda Carlisle and the other Go-Gos, incidentally) who has been part of the Chicago paparazzi for years and is extremely talented in what he does.
This photographer, Anthony, is harassed a lot by various drunks who demand he take their pictures or are upset he took a bad snap of them years ago that made it into a magazine. It is not out of the realm of possibility that he was drugged as revenge by some crazed queen…or this could have just been a robbery attempt (because he carries expensive camera equipment with him when he’s out and about). It could have been something else much darker and scarier, too, because six years or so ago a serial killer was actively working Boystown; he’d go home with guys who lived alone and he’d murder them in their kitchens, leaving them naked and bloodied for the police to find. I wouldn’t be surprised if that predator slipped guys GHB or other drugs in their drinks too.
You should never, ever drink anything a stranger hands you. And don’t eat candy they give you either.There are truly evil people hunting for prey in nightclubs — and especially in gay bars.
If you go to bars a lot, there will be times when someone you’re just meeting will come up to you with a “fresh drink” that’s exactly whatever you have in your hand. 99% of the time this will be someone who is trying to be nice and meet you, and this was their “in”, to get you another Pilsner or whatever you had in your hand that looked almost empty. It can be awkward not to accept the drink — but there is a smart way you can play this that doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings while keeping you safe.
Thank the person, and hold the beer for a minute and small talk. Then say you have to go to the bathroom and you’ll be right back. Head to a part of the bar where the guy can’t see you and take the drink to a bartender and tell him it tastes funny (if it’s a beer, say it’s “skunky”). The bartender will give you a replacement — and you’ll be able to see him open it so you’ll know there’s nothing bad in it. Then head back to the stranger who just gave you the drink and resume conversation if that’s what you want to do.
If you have no interest in talking to this person from the beginning, it also would have been okay for you to decline the drink entirely by saying, “Oh, thanks but no thanks, I’m almost ready to leave this was my last one” or something to that effect.
Never, ever drink anything a stranger gives you in a bar.
Frankly, I think every day is also a good day to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol completely. Do you really need to be drinking it? It’s more empty calories than a big slab of chocolate cake and it impairs your natural ability to get you out of bad situations you might find yourself in while in a big city. And it’s expensive. You can honestly have just as good of a time while out with friends while drinking Diet Coke or a cranberry and soda — and if you can’t, then maybe you need more interesting friends (because Johnny Walker, Jim Beam, and Glen Levitt are never as good to you as you are to them).
Just something to think about.
I stopped drinking for good last year in solidarity with a good friend of mine who came close to letting alcohol ruin her life. My boyfriend Justin refused to join in at the time, and kept drinking for a while after that — but after seeing me fully able to have a good time with just a Diet Coke or a Sprite or whatever, he stopped feeling the need to get a beer when we were out too. I’d be very surprised if either of us ever drank alcohol again. We save too much money, avoid too many empty calories, and actually have a much better time without it wherever we go.
© 2012, Kevin DuJan. All rights reserved.
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Probably a good idea for women/men, in my experience, to always buy their own drinks. "Friends" can do unfriendly things as part of date rape. Even attempted date rape can kill you. People stop breathing under amateur anesthesia. Who will administer CPR? Probably nobody.
Good advice Kevin, Did you see the article on DRUDGE http://www.cbsatlanta.com/story/16567672/ga-judge… You got to see the comments all the thumbs up
Thanks for the warning Kevin. It's another of those situations that people think will never happen to them but it does happen – probably more often than many people realize! I knew someone years ago who had a "new" friend buy her a drink. After a few sips, she literally heard a voice say, "You need to go home NOW!" She made an excuse and pulled out of the parking lot and that's the last thing she remembered. She somehow drove home and collapsed until the next morning. When she mentioned it to someone at work, they said, "Didn't you know that so-and-so makes porn movies on the side? They were planning to get you drunk and take you to their house!" My friend turned her life around at that point and quit the bar scene and reconnected with God – knowing full well that it had been His voice that told her to leave.
It feels almost like overstepping from the hetero side, but the glbt community has long, long had a problem with substance abuse and peer pressure, but no one wants to talk about it lest they be accuse of homophobia. More people should be talking about it. And alcohol tops the list.
Great advice, Kevin.
On the drinking thing, I haven't had a drink in 15 years. It's the best thing I've ever done. I still go to parties, and bars, and have a good time, but I leave way before the 'mayhem' starts, and I get up the next morning nice and early feeling great. And I have most if not all of the money I left home with!
I don't moralize about it, but if people want my opinion about drinking I try to help them. I have told numerous people and my kids to never hesitate to call me if they have been drinking and they are out with a car and no sober driver. I have gotten calls at 4:00am, and I got up and went to pick people up. I don't give lectures or act self righteous, I'm happy to do it. People will make up their own minds about their habits.
I think when people give sobriety a try, they really like it.
Kevin and Justin,
The only response I have is, "You are a True Human Beings."
I love you both, and everything about who you two are.
Newt
nothing worse than a "rehabililtated drunk".
by the way. recent study. moderate daily intake of alcohol adds ten years of "quality' life to person as opposed to over drinking or…get this…NO drinking.
Great article, you should underline the part about the gay bars. Because one of my old girlfriends got drugged at a gay bar and ended up in the hospital. I believe that girls have a false sense of security when they are at a gay bar because they believe that the creepers that attend regular bars are not attending the gay bar scene. Unfortunatly, straight guys have caught on to this and now attend gay bars because a girls security shield is likely to be diminished.