Let’s be honest, no matter how open minded and accepting one is – finding out that my son is gay was not welcome news. My oldest son had just gotten married, we took a ‘honeymoon’ with the two other boys and towards the end, my youngest son, 16 at the time came out to us as gay.
First reaction was shock, disbelief and of course denial. Of course first thing we did was give him a big hug and tell him we love him. Then began the long road to adjustment, an immediate question was – what about your strong Jewish and conservative beliefs? They won’t change he said.
Thankfully this was his senior year of high school, he was home, we could adapt together. He had already come to grips with his sexuality – but no matter how much I love my child – that is a seismic shift is my desires and expectations for his future.
I knew I couldn’t turn to Pflag, I didn’t want leftism shoved in my face. I have a visceral mistrust of ‘support groups’. Who is being supported? The gay child or the parents who are upset that they lost the lottery of life by having a gay child? (unfortunately, I’ve met too many parents who profess complete acceptance – but don’t really mean it).
So I did what any insane mother would do – I turned to the internet and googled Gay Conservative. Not a lot came up, but the standard bearer blog Gaypatriot.org did. For a few months I just read, then realizing that Dan is here in Los Angeles, I arranged to meet with him. Meeting actual gay conservatives has changed my life and made things much easier for my son.
I am proud to say that that a few years ago Bruce dubbed me Princess of the homocons (gay conservatives), he wanted me to be the Queen, but to me that has bad connotations, I am not a queen, I leave that tittle to Ann Coulter. I had the pleasure of meeting her last week and sharing our titles.
My husband laughs at all the homocons that I have adopted, my son teases me about trying to set him up with the only other young Jewish conservative gay who unfortunately lives 3000 miles away in DC. He now has a lovely boyfriend who is apolitical – but both of them believe in marriage and children. I’ll leave that discussion for its own post.
For me one of the most important things was getting to know these many gay conservative men (and a few women as well!). I have become much more comfortable with the whole gay world. There are some who are libertarian and others who are much more rigid in their conservatism than I am. Many are religious and they come from very varied nationalities and backgrounds.
As for my son, after about 6 months we could crack jokes about his being gay – he is still conservative and very active in his Jewish religious life. It has been 6 years since he came out to us – thank God it didn’t take me five years to be comfortable with his being gay. More than anything , he is the wonderful amazing human I had hoped he’d become.
Leah, a tea party, American Jewish mom in Los Angeles
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