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Is John Kerry the Victim of Spousal Abuse?

Posted on January 24, 2012 by Kevin DuJan // Featured Content, Great Merciful Zeus

Where I grew up in Cleveland, there is a beloved local weatherman named Dick Goddard who every year hosts “The Wooly Bear Festival” that draws people from several counties’ over to see him in a parade covered in fake orange and brown caterpillars (those are the “wooly bears”, which are sort of like sea monkeys in northeastern Ohio in terms of the fantastically imaginative fantasy world that’s created for them to live in and the attention they’re lavished).

A decade or so ago, Goddard occasionally appeared in newscasts with oddly heavy makeup and he’d seem out of it from time to time, like he was injured somehow. He’d be fine one day, and then the next he’d limp around or have trouble focusing. It was disconcerting because the man is a kind of surrogate Grandpa or favorite Uncle to the entire Greater Cleveland area.

One of the competing local stations started looking into it and they discovered he was being abused by his wife Amber, who was beating him. In one of the cruelest ambushes I’ve ever seen on local TV, the rival station’s reporters surprised Goddard at his home and asked him if his wife beat him and wouldn’t take the camera out of his face.  He was clearly bruised and battered and was in tears that the whole world knew what was happening to him.

John Kerry looks exactly like that in the recent photos that show him recovering from a “hockey injury”. If you remember shots of Kerry windsurfing and “hunting” during the 2004 election, you’ll join me in scoffing at this effete, spoiled man strapping on a pair of skates, grabbing a stick, and willingly entering into a hockey game.  Now, if he’d claimed he’d smashed his face on the ice while FIGURE SKATING, I’d buy it. But the hockey story is as believable as Dick Goddard back in Cleveland claiming he “kept falling down” when his wife was really beating him.

Is Teresa Heinz-Kerry beating her husband?

She’s shown she’s unstable and has a real temper — and John Kerry seems like he’d be a real pill to have to deal with every day.  Is it out of the realm of possibility that she did this to him?

Please don’t think this is anything to laugh at, because spousal abuse is a serious matter and it indeed can happen in marriages where the female is the abuser.

The other possibility is that something strange and terrible happened that Kerry was involved in and the hockey story is just a lame cover.  My boyfriend Justin’s parents are big conspiracy buffs and remain convinced that something bad happened to President Bush during his first term when he claimed he choked on a pretzel and fell down and hit his head in the private quarters of the White House while watching a football game. Remember how weird that was?

The man was so rugged and outdoorsy, it seemed so bizarre to imagine him choking on a snack food and hurting himself like that.  Justin’s parents think there was some incident the Secret Service covered up — or that Laura hurt him after he’d made her mad (making it less embarrassing to say he choked on a pretzel and hit his head than to say his wife beat him). Justin’s parents think he was hurt while Secret Service hurled him down into the bunker below the White House during either a terrorism near-miss we never were informed about or one of the practice drills they run for getting the President to safety in an emergency (which Justin’s parents insist the White House would never talk about, as they don’t discuss the security plans).  So they made up the thing about a pretzel and the coffee table to explain his bruises.

This is just one of those moments when the explanation for why a public figure is all battered and bruised just doesn’t feel right. Maybe Kerry was involved in some sort of Congressional security drill and was bumped into something as his security detail threw him into a car or something to simulate his evacuation protocol.

Thoughts?

********************************************

UPDATE: Consensus now seems to be that this was plastic surgery that John Kerry recently had.

I also had another thought after watching an episode of the TV show “Body of Proof” on Hulu this afternoon — it was an episode where Dana Delaney’s crime-solving medical examiner’s character deduced that a murdered bride had a Botox treatment at her bachelorette party.

One of her bridesmaids secretly hated her and gave her an aspirin after the treatment — which is something that affects the clotting of blood and causes bruising where the Botox was administered.  The woman who did this was a nurse and knew that the aspirin would cause the bride to sport black, raccoon eyes on her wedding day.

Could someone have slipped Kerry aspirin after his latest round of Botox?

That sounds like something Teresa would do, doesn’t it?  Maybe she also saw that episode of “Body of Proof” and wanted to see if it was real.

© 2012, Kevin DuJan. All rights reserved.

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Kevin DuJan

Political analyst, essayist, and radio and TV commentator on politics, pop culture, LGBTQ issues, and current events.

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Tags : Dick Goddard Cleveland, Did Teresa Heinz Kerry beat her husband?, George W. Bush, Was John Kerry beaten?, When husband is beaten by wife

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25 Comments

  • Sue says:
    2012/01/24 at 8:26 am  Sue(Quote)

    Maybe had some plastic surgery…

    +0
    Reply
  • Lovespoundcake says:
    2012/01/24 at 9:16 am  Lovespoundcake(Quote)

    Obvious plastic surgery!

    +0
    Reply
    • dnr says:
      2012/01/24 at 12:52 pm  dnr(Quote)

      I think so, too. Otherwise wouldn't he try harder to cover it up?

      +0
      Reply
  • LaBonBon says:
    2012/01/24 at 9:20 am  LaBonBon(Quote)

    Sue, this is the theory that folks were talking about in the comments section to the accompanying news story from CBSlocal-Boston. One commentor wrote that the bruising was too "symmetrical" to be an accident. Another said "Absolutely is plastic surgery bruising. Look at the SIDES of his eyes. Swollen from a bad Botox injection."

    +0
    Reply
  • LaBonBon says:
    2012/01/24 at 9:23 am  LaBonBon(Quote)

    Kevin, your story here is very good. The "other" side of spousal abuse is rarely talked about. A friend of mine worked for years as an EMT (emergency medical technician) and guesstimated that around 30 percent of all domestic incidents were female on male with most going unreported.

    +0
    Reply
    • AndrewInON says:
      2012/01/24 at 11:41 am  AndrewInON(Quote)

      Try 55% and you're in the ballpark. Huge study done by one of the western Canadian universities (Calgary, maybe) circa 1990 showed over half of domestic violence to be perpetrated by the wife.

      BTW, I saw the picture and my first thought was. "Botox job gone bad."

      +0
      Reply
  • Anthony says:
    2012/01/24 at 9:27 am  Anthony(Quote)

    Looks like bruising after a lower blepharoplasty to me. I see it all the time on Madison Ave

    +0
    Reply
    • Kevin DuJan says:
      2012/01/24 at 9:28 am  Kevin DuJan(Quote)

      I didn’t think of Plastic Surgery.

      That is another explanation — and probably the correct one!

      +0
      Reply
  • Mafia Rose says:
    2012/01/24 at 9:43 am  Mafia Rose(Quote)

    Why wouldn't he try to cover it up with make-up?

    +0
    Reply
    • Kevin DuJan says:
      2012/01/24 at 9:45 am  Kevin DuJan(Quote)

      Or a paper bag?

      +0
      Reply
  • Anthony says:
    2012/01/24 at 9:47 am  Anthony(Quote)

    Looks like he did (at least as well as he could). Look on the far right, and you can see the yellow covermark trying to neutralize the purple. Thats about the best most can do with that kind of bruising, no matter what caused it.

    +0
    Reply
  • Proud Infidel says:
    2012/01/24 at 9:59 am  Proud Infidel(Quote)

    The hockey story is bunk. However, there are several possibilities, from spousal abuse to plastic surgery, even a slip and fall accident. It's hard to know until more information comes out.

    My wife has experience as a social worker counseling victims of spousal abuse and even the abusers themselves. She says abused husbands are far less likely ro speak out and/or get help, the whole macho thing I guess. It's a terrible thing no matter who gets abused.

    +0
    Reply
  • jeffersonian says:
    2012/01/24 at 10:08 am  jeffersonian(Quote)

    I had a friend who had plastic surgery to tighten and minimize "bags under the eyes" and "droopy eyelids".

    He looked very similar.

    I think John had this surgery to freshen himself up……

    +0
    Reply
    • DG IN GA says:
      2012/01/24 at 12:06 pm  DG IN GA(Quote)

      I guess we'll see when he is "healed" if he looks different. When I fell and broke my nose the bruising was more on the INSIDE under my eyes of my eyes, along my nose, not on the outside of my eyes as it is in the pic of Kerry. I think he looks like someone hit him upside the head with a lamp! I've never seen someone after Botox however, and we KNOW he gets Botox. As for the hockey story: Bullsqueeze!

      +0
      Reply
  • Guest says:
    2012/01/24 at 10:19 am  Guest(Quote)

    My mom would get these bruises- she was on Coumadin. Maybe he is too. The weak blood vessels around the eyes will bruise easily. At least it did with my mom. I was terrified that someone would think I did it to her, when I didn't. Just a thought.

    +0
    Reply
  • BJR says:
    2012/01/24 at 10:21 am  BJR(Quote)

    His lower left jaw is also swollen, OR …… he's storing a nut in there. Bwhahaha. I just have to ask this. Why the long face, Jon F''n Cary. What a waste of the air we breathe.

    +0
    Reply
  • maryo says:
    2012/01/24 at 11:14 am  maryo(Quote)

    Man, that is one ugly dude! Please, no more pictures of the long face.

    +0
    Reply
  • Patricia says:
    2012/01/24 at 12:57 pm  Patricia(Quote)

    That chin implant he had years ago certainly didn't improve that face. Personally I think he never looked better.

    +0
    Reply
  • jhva99 says:
    2012/01/24 at 1:07 pm  jhva99(Quote)

    The lump under his lower lip is caused by a sharp blow with a knuckle, but he sure didn't get that lump from plastic surgery. Personally I think he got caught up in some "rough trade" that got a little out of hand.

    +0
    Reply
  • JackDonlan says:
    2012/01/24 at 1:52 pm  JackDonlan(Quote)

    Teresa beating up on John is more credible than the hockey injury

    +0
    Reply
  • creeper00 says:
    2012/01/24 at 3:32 pm  creeper00(Quote)

    If it was plastic surgery we'll know in a few days when the bruises heal. A simple side-by-side picture comparison should tell the story.

    OT…thanks, Kevin, for taking me out of moderation. It was really lonely in there.

    +0
    Reply
  • Tamminator says:
    2012/01/24 at 5:33 pm  Tamminator(Quote)

    OMG he had a NOSE job! Look at his nose–it doesn't have that bump anymore.
    I broke my nose in a softball game years ago, and it gives you black eyes.

    What a vain creep.

    +0
    Reply
  • roylofquist says:
    2012/01/24 at 5:46 pm  roylofquist(Quote)

    All interesting speculation, however I buy the hockey story. Why? Got one just like that myself. Other guy and I were trying to control the puck. I put my stick on top of his – standard, routine technique. My stick slipped off, his came up. Right on the bridge of my nose. Two black eyes and a very bloody nose.I still have the scar from 40 years ago.

    +0
    Reply
  • ozzieaussie says:
    2012/01/24 at 5:58 pm  ozzieaussie(Quote)

    Kevin, over the past 2 years I have had my share of "accidents", and yes they really were accidents. In at least 2 of these accidents I hit my head, once it was the back of my head, and twice it was my forehead. The first time I hit my forehead I ended up with scraping (concrete does that!!) and a black eye. The bruising from the black eye was in a different spot to where John Kerry has his bruising. The other time I hit my head when I slipped trying to get out of the bath and ended up with a big bruise on my leg (probably due to medication).

    I agree with the others and think that he has had plastic surgery. It is the position of the bruising that indicates that possibility.

    +0
    Reply
  • Only Me says:
    2012/01/24 at 9:23 pm  Only Me(Quote)

    He probably said something to a real soldier and got smacked.

    +0
    Reply

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