Everyone Deserves A Comeback — the Whitney Houston I’ll Remember
Last Sunday, Madonna put on one of the greatest Super Bowl halftime spectacles in history — full of pageantry, elaborate sets, and runway ready costumes. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time — hoping and praying she wouldn’t revert to form and do something vulgar to embarrass herself and the millions of families watching the big game together. It’s a testament to how much she’s matured in recent years that she managed to perform at the Super Bowl without grabbing her crotch, exposing herself, or gyrating sexually for attention — and to distract from the fact that she’s never been that good of a singer (or actress), but remains one heck of a showwoman.
I’ve never been a big Madonna fan, though I’ve always found her interesting — and an indisputable part of gay life. Here in Boystown, there are guys who are all about Madonna and breathlessly post on Facebook about the tickets they’ve scored to her upcoming concert (and what they had to do to get them). Then there are the Mariah Carey gays, who are largely mean-spirited and have spent the last week pissing and grousing that “the Super Bowl show wasn’t anything special”. Just about every diva imaginable from Kylie Minogue to Cyndi Lauper and, of course, Lady Gaga, has a cadre of gays who are superfans; these guys own every album the diva’s released, can lip synch her song’s better than she can (Madonna fans are especially talented in this regard), and can recount in vivid detail just how important her music’s been to them through every stage of their lives — but most especially their “coming out”, which is a more colorful and emotional sort of gay bar mitzvah that every guy goes through in his own way here in Boystown.
I’ve always been a Whitney Houston guy — and, yes, her discography is the soundtrack to my life. Every breakup I’ve ever had is set to “I Will Always Love You” played on endless repeat; on days when I just can’t get out of bed and don’t want to face the world, “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” makes me come alive; when something more reflective and soulful’s required, Whitney’s got that covered too, with “Didn’t We Almost Have It All” and “My Love Is Your Love”. Her incredibly crisp and effortless voice plays in my head every day, conjured by something I’m doing — and it’s always been what I imagine angels would sound like for those lucky enough to make it to Heaven.
In the mid-90s, I put myself through college by working in a fancy hotel in Cleveland, where I ultimately became part of the team that handled the VIP guests. Normally, this involved making sure executives from various companies or important lawyers with big firms had the specific kind of cookies or bottled water they liked best ready in their rooms upon check-in. A lot of basketball and baseball teams stayed at our hotel, so the job involved making sure these guys had everything they wanted, too, but I couldn’t care less about them (and other than Michael Jordan, Dennis Rodman, and Shaquille O’Neil I had no idea who any of them were). The real fun came when famous actors, writers, politicians, and musicians were in Cleveland for something — and the only nice place they could sleep was at our hotel, so I was almost guaranteed an encounter with them (if someone higher up in the sales department didn’t want to meet that person instead).
Because I lived downtown and was never more than five minutes away from work, I got the call to come in early one Saturday to give a VIP a tour of the Tower City mall attached to the hotel (because my boss lived 45 minutes away and couldn’t possibly get down there in time to make this happen herself). I’ll never forget that call and its accompanying “Don’t ever say I never did anything nice for you, kid” as I raced to the hotel to meet Whitney Houston and go shopping with her in Cleveland. It was the most surreal and magical experience of my life and — almost fifteen years later — it’s still one of the top five favorite things that have ever happened to me.
Whitney was in town not as a performer, but as the wife of Bobby Brown — who had a show booked at what was then the Gund Arena in Cleveland. Bobby was a complete and total jackass from the moment his tour bus rolled into the loading dock; during the two or three days they stayed with us, Bobby dropped his pants in the lobby mooning other guests, he needed to be removed from the hotel’s bar for getting belligerently drunk, and several times he raced through the corridors pounding on other people’s doors just because he felt he could.
Whitney, on the other hand, was gorgeous and serene…and so incredibly classy and kind to everyone she encountered. When she heard Bobby was pants-dropping in the lobby, she calmly came downstairs, apologized to everyone he was offending, and marched him right back up to their room like a mother disciplining her terrible toddler. Whatever happened to her in later years that lowered her down to Bobby’s level hadn’t happened yet, and the woman was still the Whitney you can see in her videos and in the Preacher’s Wife or The Bodyguard.
I was the most nervous I had ever been the moment I stood out in the hallway and knocked on her door to escort her down to the mall for an afternoon in Tower City. I had heard about how terrible Bobby was at that point and didn’t know what to expect from her — and also didn’t know why my boss hadn’t fought for this assignment, as this was the sort of thing she normally loved to do. But, here I was, about to spend a few hours with Whitney Houston on a random Saturday in Cleveland.
Bobbi Kristina and her nanny, a large blonde Southern woman, came with us and I did what the hotel taught me to always do: not talk about the famous person’s fame or about how much I liked what she or he did, but instead to just be nice and treat her or him like any other VIP (such as the senior partner of a law firm or an executive with Deloitte & Touche or whatever…people to whom I would never say, “Gosh, I really loved that TPS report you created” or “That lawsuit you just filed in federal court was my favorite of all time”). So, we talked about Cleveland and about the other cities she’d visited recently on Bobby’s tour. Whitney loved the giant glass atrium in the mall and marveled at the fountains with their display of dancing water (which was still new to a lot of people at the time, and one of the great Wonders of Cleveland, apparently). Back then, Tower City was still home to all sorts of high-end shops like Gucci, Fendi, Calvin Klein, and Bally’s of Switzerland, so there were plenty of nice things for Whitney to look at — and she bought a few scarves and something her daughter wanted in a store that had toys.
She had no makeup on and went completely unrecognized under a simple headscarf. Absolutely nobody bothered us and I very quickly forgot she was one of the most famous people in the world and thought of her as just one of the nicest guests I’d ever had the pleasure of doing anything for at the hotel.
Whitney was, however, easily the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in person. She smelled like fresh cut flowers and vanilla and spoke in almost a whisper. She was sweet, and kind, and nothing like how she’d later be portrayed by the cast of Saturday Night Live in recent years.
She bought all of us cinnamon pretzels and lemonade at Auntie Anne’s in the food court and we enjoyed those together as we walked around some more and then went outside onto Public Square for her to see a little of the city. When she commented on anything, it was always positive, saying how pretty the architecture was and how much she liked how the mall had a big train station underneath and was in the heart of the city. She was interested in what it was like living there and took the liberty to ask me about my personal life, clearly picking up on me being gay and even teasing me playfully at one point about a cute clerk working at Calvin Klein. I wasn’t out at the time and had never even had a conversation like that with a close friend, but here I was with Whitney Houston having “girl talk” about a boy, with her playing matchmaker.
She let me off the hook when I’d turned red and then ribbed me on that the rest of the afternoon, the way a friend would. “It’s okay, you’ll be ready one day and then you just go up to someone you like and talk to him,” she told me. “You just remember that”.
I think I spent around three hours with Whitney, her daughter, and the nanny before delivering them back to their room and saying goodbye. I got a big hug from both Whitney and Bobbi Kristina and a lot of thanks for taking the time to come down and do this for them. Whitney apparently made sure my boss knew she had a great time because on Monday I had a special thank you from the hotel’s general manager waiting for me, along with a little something extra in my next check for coming through in a bind.
I couldn’t believe anyone would ever think that was work or an inconvenience in any way — since I’d just had one of the very best times of my life…and got to eat cinnamon pretzels in Tower City with Whitney Houston.
In the years since, my heart broke for this remarkable woman as she slid into the depths of misery and drugs. That positive energy I saw in person that day in Cleveland was removed from her, by Bobby Brown no doubt. I honestly believe that dealing with that terrible man destroyed something in her — he wore her down, brought out the worst in her, and killed her soul. If you’ve ever seen the reality show Bobby Brown had for a season on VH1, you’ll know that by the mid-2000s Whitney had become a different person, all because of Bobby’s ruinous affect on her.
When she finally dumped him, I rejoiced, hoping she’d make a comeback. A few years ago at Pride here in Chicago, someone from Arista records came to the festival and handed out little paper fans with Whitney’s face on them, advertising her upcoming tour. I’d see people fanning themselves with those things and could feel the genuine excitement people had for Whitney getting it all back together and mounting the comeback of all comebacks.
Which she tried, but stumbled with, because her voice wasn’t there anymore. All the drinking, the drugs, and the Bobby Brown in her life had taken its toll and she couldn’t summon the old magic anymore.
Still, I hoped every day — until last night — that Whitney would re-invent herself. I pictured her moving out of the superstar role and into her own niche, putting out interesting, more low-key albums and doing shows like Darlene Love or Etta James did…gorgeous, nightclub shows at someplace like the Rainbow Room or intimate unplugged affairs in classy venues and small theaters. “An Evening With Whitney Houston” instead of giant stadium shows, where her personality and soul could be on display as much as what remained of her voice.
It’s an incredibly emotional day for me today, on a personal level, because it’s such a harsh reality that Whitney’s comeback will now never come.
We all make mistakes in life…and sometimes we fall in with a bad crowd and lose our way…but I’ve always believed that everyone deserves a comeback because we’re all entitled to forgiveness. I wanted Whitney to have that chance to re-invent herself, to introduce a new generation to her big hits, and to have a classic (and classy) third act of happiness that made everyone forget the Bobby Brown years.
For those of you who weren’t Whitney’s fans, I hope in the days ahead that you’ll give her music a listen again. Maybe you’ll pick up something new, or discover something in it that you’d forgotten during the decade or so of train wreck Whitney made of her life by allowing Bobby Brown to ruin her.
I plan on watching her videos on YouTube today and having a little marathon of her movies. I will, of course, be mourning the loss of an absolutely tremendous talent and a very special woman who lost her way and never found a way back. All these years later, and I can’t think of the words “Super Bowl” without thinking of Whitney Houston’s pitch-perfect performance on a day when Americans needed her to be the epitome of patriotism. On a very personal level, I’ll never think of “Whitney Houston” the performer without thinking of the incredibly kind, funny, and caring woman I got to spend an afternoon with shopping and eating pretzels.
Please pray for her soul…and for her family…and also for the comebacks that others like her deserve to have in their own lives. You don’t have to be famous to need a comeback…you just have to be someone who lost his or her way and deserve the chance to reclaim a positive path in life. That didn’t happen for Whitney — sadly — but let’s pray today that it can happen to others out there like her who are much better inside than the way they’ve been acting lately, or are better than what they’ve allowed their lives to become.
© 2012, Kevin DuJan. All rights reserved.
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This is beautiful Kevin, she is clearly now that angel you remember, unburdened by the world.
That was a beautiful tribute, Kevin.
Her soul is now free.
[youtube tYFHAvULvJ0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYFHAvULvJ0 youtube]
Beautiful tribute, Kevin. The video brought me to tears. I’ve prayed for Whitney off and on over the years, praying she’d get away from Bobby Brown, the drugs… I too rejoiced when she launched her comeback and was saddened to hear just how much her life had taken her gorgeous voice. I pray she’s in Heaven now, her voice back, singing to her God with the angels. God bless her.
Kevin, she's making her comeback – in the only "venue" that really matters – you wrote that she had the voice of an angel – now, she IS one. Can you just IMAGINE St. Peter's reception of her?
Semper Fi'
DM
What a beautiful tribute. RIP Whitney. Your legacy lives on . . .
Kevin, as always, your writing delivers the goods. I lived in Cleveland for 25 years (and still own a house there) and could see you and Whitney Houston walking through Tower City as I read this wonderful memory.
…maybe she did. From her Wiki page:
At one point guests of the hotel became so concerned that they reported her behavior to security after she was seen doing handstands by the hotel pool. Houston attended a party that evening held by Kelly Price at Tru nightclub in Hollywood, California. A scuffle was narrowly avoided with singer Stacy Francis. Reports say that Houston got belligerent and her boyfriend Ray J was forced to step in, although he defended Francis. Houston attempted to raise her hand, but was calmed down. Later in the evening, Houston gave what is now her final onstage performance when she took to the stage along with Price for a one minute performance of Jesus Loves Me.
After listening to her voice, then comparing what is being chosen to sing the national anthem nowadays, all I can think of is Dear God, what has the entertainment industry become?
Will anyone ever surpass Whitney on the national anthem? Probably not in this world.
The first time I saw Whitney Houston was in one of her first videos. She was strikingly beautiful…and when she opened her mouth to sing she sounded like an angel. Her beauty was not just skin deep, it seemed to radiate from deep inside her. Her voice was pure, powerful, and perfect and she was so lovely and she had a natural poise and grace which so few people possess. What a tragic end for this once peerless woman. God Bless her and her family.
Beautiful, Kevin – you sure know how to relate a personal narrative and convey heartfelt emotions! RIP, Whitney Houston – what a tragic loss of life & talent!
When I got the Sega CD add-on for my gaming system, I had one of my first music players that didn't involve headphones.
Two of my first CDs were the soundtracks from Waiting to Exhale and The Bodyguard (despite the fact that I never saw either of the movies). I wasn't as into the music scene back then, but I do remember loving her voice.
Your tribute was touching. Thank you for sharing your memories. It helped bring a tangential matter into perspective for me today.
Kevin, thank you for sharing that story. I can only imagine how you must feel. I, too, was a big fan of hers and mourn her loss. But your story adds another dimension to the loss because reading your story made me feel like I, too, got to meet her that day. Again, thank you for sharing that beautiful moment in your life.
This is such a beautiful, heartfelt piece of writing. I shared it on my FB page. For all of us who have struggled and continued to struggle with alcoholism and addiction, your last paragraph is just so true. It is inspiring and hopeful It's all about willingness and honesty. I will certainly be thinking of Miss Houston when I speak at an AA meeting this week. All of us have been chanting "There but for the grace of G-d" ever since we heard about this tragic and all too familiar story. Love is the answer. We need to love, not judge, those in trouble and in pain. Thanks again, Kevin. You're one of the best writers I've ever read.
No one, absolutely no one will ever top this version of the National Anthem. I think I have listened to this over 50 times and I never tire of it. Sometimes when I feel heart-broken for our nation, I will listen to her sing this beautiful song.
Writing through tears, thank you, Kevin, for another wonderful tribute and for sharing your personal experience with Whitney Houston, I had heard that she was really very sweet in person, it is nice to see that confirmed. I also heard that she did a lot of very kind and charitable things that were not publicized, because she was humble and not interested in bragging about it (which is how charity is actually supposed to work). Whatever her flaws were (and we all have them), she truly put more good into the world than not-so-good and the world will be a sadder and colder place without her and the potential for what might have been had she not died.
May she rest in peace, and may you, Kevin, find some comfort and healing as I know you grieve for her. Bless your great big sweet heart, Kevin!
this is really beautiful, i did a little tribute myself
the way i remember her, that beauty inside
http://thinkshrink007.blogspot.ca/2012/03/my-tribute-to-whitney.html