Cinnamon Rolls Stapled to My Head — by Sebastian Gray, for Gray Matters
Dear HillBuzz,
A few years ago I went to a comic book convention with my friend Panda, who was there primarily to stalk the guy who played Xander on the defunct WB TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but was prepared to settle for chasing around any random guy dressed up as a red-caped, leather-diapered Spartan from the movie 300 (because Panda remains ever the pragmatist, in his celebrity stalking, if not his actual life). This was in Chicago, at one of the fancier hotels in the Loop, where I just happened to have event-managed several weddings, mitzvahs (both bar and bat), and, most proudly, a lesbian commitment ceremony with an Annie Oakley/Wild West Rodeo theme (where I scattered enough bales of hay on the parquet floors to make a crystal-chandelier-ed big city ballroom smell like the inside of an Oklahoma barn, complete with goats, chickens, piglets, and a giant cake shaped like a saddle that made it almost all the way through the evening before a goat ate one of its marzipan and fondant buckles, to, thankfully, the knee-slapping amusement of everyone). Backstage, the hotel’s service areas were a warren of twisting hallways, stairwells that went apparently nowhere, and random elevators joining a floor here and there haphazardly, the building remodeled and repurposed erratically over the last hundred or so years. “I think I brought pigs through here once,” I told Panda, in a long corridor stretching towards an apparent dead-end. “This stairwell knifing to the left goes all the way down to the ballroom level and a back bathroom where I washed farm animals off my hands for an hour while I waited for the hoot-a-nanny to start, so I think we can sneak in this way.”
Panda was beside himself with excitement, because my old catering experience found a way to slip passed the long lines queued up to meet people who played Romulans, Klingons, or Care Bears in various things through the years so he could get close enough to the Buffy actor to potentially trigger any court-ordered restraining orders that may well have been in effect (“That wasn’t Nicholas Brendan, I keep telling you, it was Joey from New Kids, but it wasn’t a restraining order, it was just that they won’t let me back on another New Kids cruise, and that’s really my friend Ashley’s fault anyway. I wouldn’t get back on a Carnival ship if you paid me, so that means I actually have a restraining order against THEM, not the other way around. I never really liked Joey McIntyre anyway either, so he can just STUFF IT”).
“I just want a picture to put up on Facebook of me and Nicholas so I can tell Ashley to STUFF IT,” Panda assured me. ”I won’t do anything you can complain about later or write about on the Internet, I promise”.
Panda promises a lot of things, to be honest, but there’s only so much of these celebrity-stalking adventures I can take before I need to wander off and leave Panda to whatever recycled I Love Lucy episode he’s destined to restage, without my being sucked into the role of Ethel. So, I left Panda in the first row of seats in the ballroom, waiting for a panel discussion on The Best Buffy Episode EVER, where Nicholas would appear, to explore the strange world of SciFi and comics fans gathered around little booths and folding tables pouring over memorabilia from hundreds of TV shows and movies, including a hefty amount of Star Wars paraphrenalia.
At one of these booths, a documentary played about the making of the original film, A New Hope, where Carrie Fisher talked about landing the role of Princess Leia, a job she really needed, then having to endure the bizarre cinnamon-roll hairstyle George Lucas personally designed for her. ”Oh, no George, I love it. It’s the most beautiful hairstyle I’ve ever seen,” Fisher said, remembering how at 19 she was so desperate to stay in the picture she pretended to love the ridiculous way she was dressed and styled for her adventure through space. But, really she hated those damn cinnamon-rolls — she just needed the job so much that she knew her pride didn’t matter.
These days, I think about that snippet of the Star Wars documentary I saw at that comic convention with Panda a lot, actually, as I’ve been forced to take on freelance projects I don’t particularly want, in an economy that’s brought an end to the days of lavish Annie Oakley/Wild West Rodeo lesbian commitment ceremonies and the lucrative event planning fees that went with them. It is a real struggle these days just to pay the bills, with so many people I know laid-off and facing the reality that they may very well have to leave Chicago, since the city’s suddenly become completely unaffordable to them. Instead of working on glamorous projects like public art dedications or fashion shows, I feel lucky to have any work on my plate at all, adjusting to the reality that more mundane project management assignments in the corporate world are things I need to be very grateful for at the moment.
On one of these assignments currently, I’m working on benchmarking data for a small private company whose CEO is an absolute ogre to deal with. He’s rude, ill-tempered, and berates his employees – most especially the freelancer (yours truly) brought in for the limited-run engagement, who doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things, from this CEO’s perspective. A few years ago, I would have walked off the job, figuring I could have recouped that fee on another project, saving myself the hassle of dealing with the ogre. But, I’ve learned a lot of humility in the last few months. So much, I realize, that no matter how many metaphoric cinnamon rolls the ogre staples to my head, I just keep smiling, telling him how wonderful they all are, and how happy I am to be working on this wonderful assignment benchmarking all this data in such a wonderful company to work in.
Carrie Fisher, eat your heart out, because the acting job I do on a daily basis lately puts your whole oeuvre to shame.
My friend Panda hasn’t had a steady job in a year or so now, bouncing around from one temp assignment he finds on Craigslist to another every few weeks (survey administrator, telephone psychic, guerrilla marketer handing out soy bar samples on Michigan Avenue, you name it). But, this weekend Panda was off to Brickfest, a Lego convention near Chicago where he planned to stalk a Lego master builder named Gary McIntire (“who is totally the Joey McIntyre of Lego master builders, in a good way, but spelled different”, according to Panda). I, fortunately, have never brought any pigs through that particular hotel, so I’ve skipped this current Panda adventure, but I do admire his indominable spirit. ”Look, things are bad for all of us right now, but we’re all in that together. All those idiots thought we’d be riding around on unicorns with the hope and the change right now, but those people are just stupid. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get any better, and there’s not much we can do about it but keep our heads up, you know. And Ashley can just STUFF IT because I’m totally going to get my picture next to something big and crazy made of Legos and she can be jealous, because I might not have a job, but I’m still better than ASHLEY, who can STUFF IT”).
Sometimes the universe brings you the wrong French toast and you find yourself in situations you never thought you’d be in, struggling in ways you never thought you’d struggle. Sometimes you have metaphoric cinnamon rolls stapled to your head that you have to pretend are as glamorous and amazing as the well-paying, truly wonderful jobs you enjoyed (and maybe took for granted) in the past. Apparently, there’s an inexhaustible supply of breakfast-related, Fate-inspired idioms in my own private cosmic bakery — forever pointing to the fact that no matter how bad things get, I know I’m resourceful enough to keep going.
Remembering that no matter how lost any of us feels in twisty mazes or dark labrynths and old stairwells, that there’s always a way around the crowds and mobs if you look for it. There might be hundreds of people in Chicago applying for a job I want, but if I use all my talents and put my mind to it, I can get to where I need to be if I’m as resourceful as I’ve always been.
Sebastian Gray
Chicago, IL
© 2009, HillBuzz. All rights reserved.
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That was an enjoyable read with a REAL message of hope.
Just remember to remind yourself several times a day that “this, too, shall pass.” And it always does.
All the creative things that have made the world a better place happen when people are tested. When we are merrily going on our way, when times are good, we are not compelled to change anything. If it was easy to move rocks, the cavement would have never invented the wheel. It is when we see problems that we are compelled to use our imagination to find solutions. When life is content, we are not inspired to write poetry or music. The best ideas come when our souls are troubled. It is ironic that when we are at a loss for words, we usually find a better way to say things. Our creativity is what sets humans apart from all other beings. Our creativity allows us to escape inside ourselves in our darkest days and get us through. It is our greatest gift. Perhaps, the tough times you are having now Sebastian, will be a blessing in the long run. You now have the time to reflect and write, which you obviously have a talent for. Maybe you writings will eventually be noticed and lead to new opportunities. In the meantime, we are enjoying following you on this detour in life. We hope it leads to great things. Keep writing!
Thanks Sebastain, I enjoyed it.
I think that you are referring to “Good, old American know how.” And you have definitely got it.
I can relate to your story, Sebastian.
Hand me some cinnamon buns.
I’ll staple ‘em to my butt if I have to.
With a smile….
Sebastian, I have had my share of those same damn cinnamon rolls.I made it through just like you will.You have the right attitude,just smile and say okey dokey.You will be all right because you are a sticker just like our girl Hillary.
You are going through a little rough patch right now but you have the faith and the determination to stay focused on your goals.
Thanks for taking the time to continue writing your wonderful posts as you detour a little ways off your chosen path.It is much enjoyed and appreciated.
Love the breakfast/cosmic bakery/metaphoric cinnamon-anything you write about! What a great post–completely modern classic. Here’s hoping those buns don’t get too sticky for ya
I’ve got those buns on my ears, too, and I swear that every single day I wear them I become a little bit more fiscally conservative, while our government is going in the opposite direction. I feel like sending Congress some cinnamon bun ear muffs.
Great post! You have a gift. It’s hard when times are tough…and I’ve had plenty of them…but I have learned valuable lessons. I’ve also been able to help others a long the way.
I believe God can always bring good out of the bad. It might not change the circumstances but it makes them a little more bearable.
Michelle
Quoth Panda:
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get any better,
I’m not sold that things will get better, at least not in my lifetime if Dr. Utopia’s plans come to pass, and in 10 years were $20 trillion (with a T) in debt, with another $50-70 trillion promised to the baby boomers via Social Security & Medicare.
and there’s not much we can do about it but keep our heads up, you know.
Ain’t that the truth, brother.
Great reading Sebastian. I love your contribution to this site!!!
Great post Sebastion, keep your head up and keep pushing forward. We’ll have some rough spots, but we can all make it if we just keep fighting.
“Apparently, there’s an inexhaustible supply of breakfast-related, Fate-inspired idioms in my own private cosmic bakery — forever pointing to the fact that no matter how bad things get, I know I’m resourceful enough to keep going.”
that. was. BRILLIANT!!! if i EVER get to a hillbuzz rally i’m gonna wear princess leia earmuff hair. b/c i really am resourceful enough to keep going, and i’m grateful to you for reminding me of it.
Praise the Lord and pass the cinnamon rolls! Too sticky, too sweet, but rife with health benefits (the cinnamon, not the sugar http://www.healthdiaries.com/eatthis/10-health-benefits-of-cinnamon.html)and better than an empty plate.
Your ingenuity, resourcefulness, and excellent outlook WILL move you successfully through this rough patch, and in the process, you’ll have inspired positive attitude adjustments in others (okay, in me) and have produced a collection of letters that will one day be read by millions.
I believe Panda. Things will get better…after they’ve gotten worse. The sun will rise again, perhaps over an altered landscape, but we will all prevail in the end.
Count on it.
Thank you for taking the time to write and to share your wise and comical musings with us.
with your gift for putting phrases together that are delighful, you need to write a book. If it sells, you won’t have to work hard again. Now, let me see what kind of book would sell right now…
How about your experiences with the Obama machine in Chicago.