One of our friends here in Boystown is Zodie the Dog, who happens to be a real dog, unlike our friend Panda, who is a grown-ass man who calls himself Panda, but is not an actual panda of the eats-bamboo-sleeps-alot-has-ridiculous-difficulty-mating variety (“I’m an Asian bear with an unpronounceable, unspellable Thai name, so what else am I going to tell people to call me, Lucille?”).
Zodie is a good four-legged friend who is part lab, part pitt bull and is one of the sweetest dogs we happen to currently know, but has the nastiest, craziest, most pants-wetting bark you will ever encounter at 2am on the streets of Boystown. She goes absolutely nuts sometimes, and is loud and terrifying when issuing a fatwa against squirrels, or a jihad against cats, like you wouldn’t believe. BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
Zodie’s human, Jess, very rightly says Zodie is harmless and has never bit anyone, but even we’ve been scared of her barking, and we’ve dog-sat for her on numerous occasions when Jess has been away on business trips (Zodie is great for picking up guys, BTW, so we never, ever mind doing this).
But, Zodie is only part pitt, and definitely not of the Brad variety.
We’re sure we’ll get a lot of flak for this, as we do for a great many things, but we truly believe pitt bulls are evil, with Rottweiller and preso canarios genetically malevont as well.
We’ll never forget what presos did to Diane Alexis Whipple in San Francisco, a lesbian lacrosse coach who was coming home with groceries when two of these cerberuses, named Bane and Hera, Cujo-ed her in the hallway of her building, mauling, ravaging, and eating her.
Every few months, there’s another story in the news about pitt bulls doing the same thing to small children or babies. In Cleveland, memorably, in the 80s a little girl had her whole face chewed off by one of these pitts. A rottweiller did something similar in Pennsylvania when one of us lived there.
And every time this happens, the pitt/Rottweiller/preso apologists come out in full force, claiming these dogs aren’t the problem, but insisting the victims did something to provoke the attacks.
That damn lacrosse coach should have known better than to come home from a long day of work carrying groceries to make dinner for her partner. How dare she do that? Of course Bane and Hera were right to set upon her like she was an errant soul trying to get passed them at the Gates of Hades.
And those children and babies had it coming. How dare they exist in the same home as those dogs, where the childish and babyish goo-goo-ga-ga things they did aggrevated those poor dogs and forced them to eat the kids.
They all had it coming!
The dogs are not to be blamed!
If Jurassic Park was a real place, and dino DNA could really be extracted from little bugs encased in amber, some idiots would keep velociraptors as pets if they could, and all the above would be happening, and the apologists would be out in force claiming “resurrected predators from the Jurassic are just misunderstood” and “it’s not their fault they have killer instincts and insatiable hungers for flesh…they still need hugs, too!”.
Muslims are like velociraptors, pitt bulls, and preso canarios, no matter what the PC police and Liberal apologists want to claim. Islam is not a religion; Islam is a social and political entity like the National Socialist German Worker’s Party. Instead of Mein Kampf, Muslims have their Koran. Their ultimate goal, like the Nazis, is global conquest and the eradication of their perceived enemies. But, unlike the Nazis, Islamists act on a much more primal level, so driven by the hate they are taught in their mosques that unlike Nazi saboteurs in the 30s/40s which targeted specific political or military targets as part of well-planned, larger schemes, Muslims take great pride in lashing out at any perceived enemy of Islam, just for the joy of the kill.
In college, we took World Religion classes that required field trips to various churches, temples, synagogues, and a mosque. At the churches, temples, and synagogues, there was singing and chanting and a homily here and there, talking about doing good in the community or finding a path towards some inner peace and commune with ancestors or a mighty God Who Lives, in one form or another. At the mosque we went to, on the east side of Cleveland, the faithful talked about how much they hated America, what a wicked place it is, and how, Praise Allah, one day the caliphate would return to steer the world from its wickedness.
When one of us worked in the hotel industry, Muslim groups frequently booked meeting rooms to scream, yell, and wail in Arabic, dressed up in their flowing white robes, spittle covering their thick beards, all worked up over how much they hate America…and yet, that’s where they choose to live. Great Merciful Zeus only knows what these men were really talking about, but on a regular basis they would come together to denounce the country they live in and pine for the return of Islam as the dominent force in the world.
This does not happen when Catholics get together.
It does not happen when Buddhists get together.
This behavior is alien to Scientologists.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster does not have hate-ins.
Just about the only group we can think of that regularly meets to talk about how much they enjoy seeing Americans killed in the name of their God is Muslims.
When there’s a bombing of a US embassy or soft target in a Muslim nation, and some of the faithful find bodies to drag through the street, crods of Muslims pour from their homes, all wrapped up in bedsheets and tablecloths, cheering and laughing and having the time of their lives.
In the opening moments of the “Dawn of the Dead” remake a few years ago, a scene is shot in Istanbul in the opening wave of the zombie invasian, where the Solanum virus is leaping from person to person, turning them into crazed, relentless, single-minded killers. A reporter is holed up inside a hotel room reporting on the growing chaos, with quick glimpses of the dark-robed, sheet covered Muslim zombies racing through hallways and courtyards to murder as many people as they each could.
And we remember thinking, “How would turning into zombies be any different than an average Tuesday for these people? “
Solanum just freed them to do what they all seem to want to do every day: to kill everyone who is not “one of them” and take over the world, making the entire planet as fetid, dirty, squalid, homophobic and misogynistic as the Muslim nations.
In horror movies, fools let people bitten by zombies stay hidden in their homes, believing Grandma Tula Mae won’t REALLY turn against them and try to eat their spleens. Or, when the dog gets rabies, the same fools keep it hidden in the barn instead of taking it to the authorities, because they don’t want to believe something could take hold of the creature and make it want to kill them. And even though something like a velociraptor is proved to be cunning, lethal, and relentless in its pursuit of victims, big-thinking, overeducated, hyper-liberal scientists decide to breed as many of them as possible because they think they know best and believe all of their expensive Ivy League educations insure the dinosaurs will not break loose and eat everyone.
Which is what the dinosaurs want to do.
Just as its what the preso canarios want to do to lacross coaches if they get teh chance.
And, as was proved yet again at Ft. Hood, it is very much what Muslims want to do to all “infidels”.
In that World Religion class we took years ago, we had to read passages from the Koran, and it is very much not a “beautiful and peaceful” book, as Liberals would have you believe.
The Koran very clearly states the goal of Muslims should be to take over the world, and to kill as many infidels as possible to make that happen. The Koran encourages violence as a means to its ends and is the only religion we know of around today that actively recruits members to go out into the world and commit murder/suicide…promises great post-corporeal reward to those who weaponize their bodies and blow up school children on buses or take down soldiers with guns while shouting “Allah Akbar!”.
And the entire world seems terrified to speak the truth about Islam…for fear of being beheaded like the Danish cartoonist who dared to draw a picture of Muhammad.
The upcoming film, 2012, by Roland Emmerich was supposed to feature scenes with Mecca, Medina, and other Muslim “holy cities” being destroyed when the world ends…but the producer and director were warned that if they showed this, they’d have fatwas declared against them. So, they cut the scenes and instead portrayed the Vatican and the christ statue in Rio being smashed to bits, knowing it was perfectly acceptable and PC to obliterate Christian holy sites and symbols but not Muslim ones.
Never Muslim ones, ever.
Because Muslims are Care Bears and Islam is the great religion of peace, until you even dare to think an ill thought about them or it, and then it’s velociraptor-preso canario time, baby.
The last time we dog-sat Zodie, we texted Jess and told her one day that her dog had converted to Islam, having declared a fatwa on squirrels and taken to wearing a “bark-a”, which was a nasty, stinky old blanket she liked to roll around and wrap herself in after a trip outside. Whenever we’d walk Zodie, we’d call it “taking her to mosque”, where Zodie would express on the curb exactly what she thought of Islam.
We adopted the phrase for our own use, too, Jessica Simpson-style, as a euphanism for using the washroom, but without dropping anyone’s kids at a pool. “Hey, I’ll catch up with you, I have to go to mosque first”. FLUSH!
It’s totally part of our daily vocabulary now, and accurately reflects what we, Zodie-style, think of Islam, “the religion of peace”.
Piece of **** if you ask us.
Agree with us or not, we will NOT be censored or silenced when there’s a terrorist organization in the world plotting to kill as many Americans as possible, getting away with it because it’s calling itself “a religion” so Liberals globally can coddle and enable it.
