A few days ago, I stepped into the offices of Chicago law firm Hinshaw & Culbertson to appear as a witness in a major discrimination suit working its way through federal court involving a prominent Chicago gay bar that’s been accused of persecuting its Christian employees (which is the height of hypocrisy, considering that the owners of this bar vociferously accuse Christians of persecuting gays). As often happens here in Chicago, a mystery fell into my lap while I was sitting on a couch in Hinshaw’s waiting room…because there before me on the floor on either side of the large reception desk was the filthiest carpeting I’d ever seen in my 36 years on this planet. In the grand scope of all the mysteries that are out there today, “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet” isn’t the grandest of them all…but I’m just personally boggled by the fact that a purportedly prestigious law firm in Chicago in a very expensive office building could have carpet this filthy in its waiting room. And not seem to care!
Yesterday, I wrote to the Senior Partners of the firm to ensure they knew about the filthy and unsanitary conditions in their offices…but I haven’t heard back from them yet. No doubt, men like Donald L. Mrozek and J. William Roberts are very busy so it might take them and the other Senior Partners a few days to address how filthy their carpet is and how unsanitary and disgusting their men’s washroom was on that same floor. They probably are a little sheepish about the whole situation, too, because I took pictures of how filthy the carpets are over there and showed them to everyone. Though, honestly, they knew I was coming to visit that day and they know I’m Editor-in-Chief of a popular website…and a reasonable person would have supposed I’d have some sort of photographic device on my person in the year 2013. So, they really should have had foresight to clean the carpets and tidy up the washroom before someone like me arrived for an appointment in the building (and was cleared through security to come up to the third floor!).
‘The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet” fascinates me because it’s a real commentary on how Chicago itself operates…because it’s on one level this vast garden of shiny steel and glass spikes zooming up to the sky for as far as eyes can see, with tourists clamoring for the best view of all the architectural beauty and historic landmarks…but underneath all that beauty there’s real rot and decay in this town that the political system and media here endeavor to hide under rugs.
That’s why I find it a perfect metaphor for this city to step into a suite of offices in a very shiny and spectacular office building on LaSalle, in the middle of the Loop no less, and find the reception area of a prestigious law firm to be filthier than the one in Beetlejuice, when Geena Davis and a surprisingly attractive version of Alec Baldwin went to the ghost world for an appointment they had with Sylvia Sidney. You remember that scene: the two bewildered, recently deceased humans arrive and find themselves in a diseased room covered in creepy stains, afraid of sitting in something gross, with the whole thing being Tim Burton’s grotesque version of a waiting room in purgatory. Like this:
Only, Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin were lucky because they had each other to comfort them in all that filth…but I had to sit there in the Hinshaw & Culbertson offices and stare at all of those mysterious, moldy stains all by myself!
I actually thought to write to Sylvia Sidney (who played Juno, the ghost caseworker) in Beetlejuice to ask her how Tim Burton and his design team so convincingly replicated the Hinshaw & Culbertson offices from the year 2013 in a movie they released back in 1988, but I’d (fittingly at this point) need a ouija board to reach her. Then I thought I’d ask Geena Davis what she thought of Hinshaw & Culbertson’s filthy reception area carpeting and if it reminded her of working on Beetlejuice, but while looking up her agent’s address I decided that I’d do a really good deed today and bring these filthy carpets to the attention of someone who could really help Mr. Donald Mrozek and Mr. J. William Roberts with their cleaning and sanitation problems. With a reception area this filthy, I should really enlist the heaviest hitter I could think of in ‘The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet”…Ann B. Davis, the woman who played housekeeper extraordinaire “Alice Nelson” on The Brady Bunch.
VIA US MAIL — 2/22/2013
Ms. Ann B. Davis
c/o The Artists Group
1650 Broadway — Suite 1105
New York, New York 10019
Dear Ms. Davis,
I am writing to you because many years ago you portrayed the world’s greatest housekeeper, “Alice Nelson”, on the television program The Brady Bunch. As you no doubt recall, there was absolutely no mess your character couldn’t clean up, no matter how filthy any of the (six!) Brady children were in any episode of that classic TV program. If “Greg” threw the football around and broke something, you’d pick up the pieces and restore order. If “Marcia” was sloppy and got makeup all over her vanity, you’d degrease the glass in an instant (using nothing more than vinegar, lemon juice, or magic). Whenever “Peter” spilled his drink on his textbooks like an inconsiderate and sloppy little pig, you’d dry them out and politely admonish him for being so stupid. “Jan” was just one big walking mess, but yet you always found a way to clean up after her too; FEMA can’t even do something like that today. ”Bobby” and “Cindy” were pretty much just wild all the time and had that dog “Tiger” for a while that just disappeared at one point (or, more interestingly, slipped into an alternate reality where he became a tiger named “Dog”).
I can only imagine how, before he vanished and was never spoken of again, “Tiger” probably made the most messes of any member of the “Brady Family” (apart from “Cousin Oliver”, naturally)…but your character “Alice” kept the “Brady” household’s shag carpeting and other interesting 1970s decorating choices looking resplendent. I know that you were just an actress playing a role written for you by men at typewriters chain-smoking like fiends, but I’m hoping you were at least somewhat method in your craft and that while portraying “Alice” you also were imbued with some of her best spot-cleaning attributes.
I have absolutely no authorization to do this and am not affiliated with them in any way, but I would like your help in solving “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet” that exists in the Chicago offices of the law firm Hinshaw & Culbertson. I believe this falls under my duties of “concerned citizen” and “local busybody” and is, of course, a manifestation of my First Amendment rights and my dedication to cleanliness in general.
Recently, I had an appointment at Hinshaw & Culbertson and was shocked by the filthy carpeting they have in their reception area. Here is a photo of exactly what I am talking about so that you can channel “Alice” and help address this with me, as concerned citizens and characters that people have strong opinions of:
I know it looks like the young man in black is part of some kind of cult and is dancing in front of a giant cupcake with a maraschino cherry on top, but he’s just a cater-waiter setting up for a cocktail party function that Hinshaw & Culbertson hosted on 2/20/2013 (as bizarre as it is that they’d host a major catered event in space that has such filthy carpeting). It also looks like there’s a disembodied head just floating right there to the immediate left of the cater-waiter, but that’s really a mustachioed man with glasses whose full body is hidden by the oversized reception desk (it kind of looks like he’s sitting in an elaborate shipping crate or animal pen, but I believe there’s an open space on one side for him to escape). Now that I look at it closely, it also appears that the cater-waiter’s arm ends at his elbow and that he’s firing some sort of blast of psychic ball-lightning at the floating head, like he’s a male version of the video game character “Samus” from the old Metroid series on the NES. But that’s probably just a trick of the light and an optical illusion. My boyfriend Justin really loves video games and he pointed this out to me, so don’t feel bad if you didn’t automatically get the reference because you are 80-something now and I’m 36 and this didn’t immediately leap out at me either.
Those filthy stains on the carpeting of Hinshaw & Culbertson’s waiting area aren’t tricks of the light, however. They sure aren’t “treats” either…but they’re scarier than anything I’ve ever seen at Halloween or in movies such as Beetlejuice (which you weren’t in, obviously, but you should have been in because you are really funny as an actress).
I am wondering if you ever saw stains like the ABOVE on the carpeting of the “Brady Family” house while you were part of that bunch…and not just on the set itself, but also in the backstage production areas where the Teamsters no doubt trucked around lighting, camera equipment, those fancy directors’ chairs, and all the other heavy-duty accoutrements that are needed for television production (and they probably dropped stuff and made a big mess, because they are Teamsters and that’s how they roll). I imagine the back corridors of a TV studio get pretty filthy…and I am wondering if the carpeting backstage on a 1970s sitcom production set was ever filthier than the reception area carpeting of a major law firm in Chicago in the year 2013.
How on Earth would your character “Alice” ever begin to clean filthy carpeting like this?
On the show, whenever one of those “Brady kids”, their dog “Tiger”, “Sam the Butcher”, or other characters on the show made any kind of mess “Alice” would react for the camera, make some kind of funny face, say something hilarious, and then get right to work with a bucket and some kind of scrubbing utensil. And then she’d make pork chops and apple sauce for everyone (except “Tiger”, because he’d get dog food out of a can because he was a dog).
I’ve looked through old episodes on YouTube and I have been unable to identify what sort of utensil “Alice” most usually favored for cleaning up filthy messes…or if such a utensil would be good on carpet like that found in the reception area of Hinshaw & Culbertson. I have no way of determining if this is quality carpeting or not…but I’m tempted to guess it couldn’t have been all that expensive if Hinshaw & Culbertson seemingly can’t afford to get it properly cleaned. That’s an assumption I am making based on the fact that their carpet really and truly is filthy…and I can’t imagine a firm would purposefully choose to allow carpet to get this filthy in a waiting area unless they just financially couldn’t afford to have it cleaned professionally. And that assumption leads me to believe they probably couldn’t have afforded very expensive carpeting to begin with.
But, you know the old saying of: When you assume, you make an “ass” of “you” and “Alice from the Brady Bunch”…so I should just really focus on how filthy their carpeting is right here and now and ask if you have any suggestions at all for how they could clean this up. Mind you, they have not asked for my help so this is more of a Good Samaritan effort, kind of like trying to figure out how Lindsay Lohan can get her life back on track or how Liza Minnelli can stop marrying gay guys. It’s the sort of unsolicited intervention for the hapless that all the “Bradys” should have done for “Jan”.
Since I went to their offices for a meeting but the meeting didn’t happen because the man who asked for the meeting ended up not being prepared to meet that day (I think the day got away from him and he got distracted because they were going to be having a big party that night and he might have been excited because a party was happening), I believe I will be back in their offices again soon for another meeting that will probably happen this time…and when I go I’d like to be able to share with them any advice you might have for how they can make their offices less filthy.
Hinshaw & Culbertson also has a serious problem with their men’s washroom (which you can read about here), but that’s really something that a whole lot of Clorox bleach, Windex, a mop, and some elbow grease can fix…so the real mystery is how they can clean their filthy carpets so that they look like the carpeting at every other law firm that exists here in Chicago…or any other professional business, really.
I believe your character “Alice’s” boss on The Brady Bunch was an architect and he worked from home in an office he designed himself. I also remember it always looked very professional in there, which was no doubt directly attributable to the hard work and dedicated cleaning skills of “Alice” herself. I am not sure if the producers made you stay in character and clean the whole set after filming was done for the day, but if that is remotely the case then you did a really good job with “Mike’s” office because it really does sparkle.
Perhaps working together we can impart some of “Alice’s” cleaning tips and know-how to Mr. Donald L. Mrozek and Mr. J. William Roberts of Hinshaw & Culbertson at some point so that they can clean their filthy carpet and have it look as nice as “Mr. Mike Brady’s” carpeting in his architectural office.
Thank you for your time, Ms. Davis, and for being such a valuable resource in this matter from so deep in our nation’s vast pop culture universe. You have brought me so much joy through the years while watching reruns of The Brady Bunch and I would be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity now to express gratitude to you on behalf of my readership for your talented depiction of America’s favorite housekeeper, “Alice Nelson”.
Awaiting your much-needed counsel to solve “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet”,
Longtime Fan of Your (and “Alice’s”) Work
Read the rest of “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet” on our “Mysteries” page HERE.
QUESTION for COMMENTS: What other people, companies, or fictional entities do YOU think could help us in “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet”?
It’s been awhile since I last wrote about Pie Hole Pizza Joint here in Boystown.
For those who don’t recall, this is the little pizza shop that made waves a year or two ago by contributing to the increase in crime afflicting Boystown; its owner, Doug Brandt, decided he didn’t want to run a business so much as he wanted to own a pizza shop/late-night-youth-center chimera…where underaged kids too young to go into the bars on Halsted could hang out late into the night, using Pie Hole as an after-dark clubhouse.
A pattern emerged where the Center on Halsted — a community center built at the corner of Halsted and Waveland — engaged in programs that drew troubled “youth” (including many juveniles and delinquents with criminal records) to the Boystown neighborhood and allowed them to hang around the Center all day (where without adult supervision they quickly got up to no good). At 11pm when the Center closed, the “youth” were discharged onto the street where many of them, for whatever reason, refused to get onto a bus or train and head back to where they actually lived.
It should be pretty obvious that the Center on Halsted was responsible for the increase in crime in the neighborhood that occurred when large numbers of these “youth” were sent out into the dark, every night, with nothing better to do than break into cars, mug people, and burglarize the residences surrounding the Center. Over the years, dozens of gay men were targeted for beatings by these “disadvantaged youth” — and the neighborhood, being politically-correct Leftists for the most part, refused to talk about what was happening because the criminals involved were black. This is similar to how, in Paris, whenever you see footage of “youth” setting cars on fire or looting storefronts the reporters obsessively refuse to mention the rioters are Muslim. In Chicago, that political-correctness requires reporters to never mention it’s black people targeting whites as crime victims in this city…especially in Boystown where the black criminals are imported to the neighborhood by the Center on Halsted and then set loose upon the gay residents in what would be deemed “hate-crimes” if the skin color of the attackers and victims were reversed.
Anyone who openly discussed the problems the Center on Halsted caused by importing criminal youth from “the bad parts of town” and giving them “a safe place to hangout in a nicer neighborhood” was called — wait for it — a RAAACIST! because the people doing the muggings, burglaries, and committing the crimes were black and the victims were white. Nope, no pattern here. Move along. Never state the obvious because we can’t admit the Left’s political-correctness is getting people’s brains bashed in on a daily basis here in Chicago.
Read the rest of this entry »
GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING: Man Films Ongoing Public Masturbation Videos During Daytime Hours in Cleveland’s Galleria at Erieview Mall
[ NOTE: If you watch the video linked below -- WARNING: there's full frontal male nudity and sexual content not suitable for work or most viewers -- you'll clearly recognize the Galleria at Erieview's front doors; the video is definitely filmed inside the Galleria during daytime business hours on the inside of these doors, adjacent to where the Dollar Bank is situated inside the mall. ]
[ NOTE: If you do watch the video at the link below -- WARNING: extreme graphic content -- you'll recognize at the very end a camera pan upwards showing the glass roof of the Galleria at Erieview, as seen in this photo that also shows Erieview Tower in downtown Cleveland in the background. ]
This is honestly one of the most shocking things I have ever run across, and I can’t believe it’s happening in my hometown of Cleveland…and in the mall where I used to work in a bookstore while in high school.
The Galleria at Erieview is a now almost-abandoned (yet still gorgeous) downtown shopping mall in Cleveland, Ohio with soaring glass cathedral ceilings that were repurposed as an urban greenhouse after most of the retail tenants vacated their storefronts in the Obama economy. Back in the 1990s, I worked in the Brentano’s Bookstore in this mall and also started my first freelancing business doing window display decorations for other stores (probably due to my lifelong love of the Kim Catrall/Andrew McCarthy laffer “Mannequin”). The Galleria used to be a place where many downtown office workers had lunch, or enjoyed the beauty of this unique and gleaming modern crystal palace. It was a classy mall then, with great security, and an endless bustle of people.
So it’s disturbing that an unidentified man going by the Internet alias of “KSUHurdler” has been filming public masturbation videos inside The Galleria at Erieview during daytime operating hours when children could easily be exposed to what he’s doing. He sets up a small camera, strips naked, then masturbates in the Galleria’s entryway, bathrooms, and behind-the-stores corridors then posts these videos to the amateur porn site XTube.com.
WARNING: Do not click on this link unless you are prepared to see a graphic video of a muscular black man masturbating to climax at the East 9th Street entrance to The Galleria at Erieview. “KSUHurdler” setup his iPhone or digicam to film himself full frontal pleasuring himself with his clothes off as passers-by walk in front of the Galleria outside on East 9th Street; at one point, two people in Cleveland Browns football jackets walk through the mall’s doors behind him, which causes him to pull up his pants just as he’s ejaculating. If you need to see this video for yourself, here it is, but I have warned you it is extremely graphic in nature.
I ran across this video online today when I was Googling Cleveland to catch up on what’s been happening in my hometown, particularly with the big budget downtown construction projects of the 80s and 90s that were supposed to save the city from ruin (but didn’t). These were urban “stimulus projects” that all went bust long before Barack Obama’s squandered Trillion Dollars in federal stimulus in 2009. I’ve been following the Galleria at Erieview’s devolution from shopping mall into “urban greenhouse” for the last view years, but never thought the relative lack of foot traffic it’s experiencing could turn the place into an ad hoc porn studio.
I think this is important to write about because videos like this are part of a new subculture in the gay community where a website called XTube.com has become “the YouTube for porn”. Amateurs film themselves having sex or masturbating, often in public, and post their pornographic videos on XTube…where “fans” can even commission new videos or reward their favorite videos by donating funds to encourage more filming. XTube is not hosted in the United States and does not appear to have any sort of protections in place that would prevent minors from being exposed to this sort of pornography (either viewing it online, since there’s no age firewall, or seeing it filmed live like at The Galleria at Erieview in Cleveland).
One of the rising sexual fetishes out there is public exhibitionism, where guys are trying to one-up each other by filming themselves having sex in most “risky” places possible: such as a downtown shopping mall’s entrance court during business hours.
From as best as anyone can guess, “KSUHurdler” filmed this video on a”Browns Sunday” morning; right where he’s stationed near the entrance there’s a bank branch that would have been open Monday through Saturday, so it’s doubtful he would have been able to strip naked and masturbate while customers were going to the bank. The people walking into the mall with Browns jackets on are a clue it was a Sunday when the Cleveland Browns were playing nearby at the lakefront stadium.
I’ve called both the management company that operates the Galleria at Erieview and the Cleveland Police to alert them to what “KSUHurdler” has been up to; hopefully someone in law enforcement can track down the identity of this man and charge him with public indecency and/or endangerment of minors for doing this.
As a public service, if there are any nearly-abandoned shopping malls or other public places where fetish thrill-seekers could be filming videos like this in your community, can you take the time to call the management companies of those buildings and alert them to what “KSUHurdler” did in Cleveland?
Here in Chicago there are scores of nearly-deserted shopping malls just on Michigan Avenue alone (formerly “The Magnificent Mile” for shopping, but now these giant buildings feel more like mausoleums and vertical ghost towns). Someone like “KSUHurdler” could very easily do something like this in any one of them. With few retail tenants these days, I bet these malls have a skeleton security staff, which means these amateur pornographers could be getting away with a lot more in 2011 than they ever could before.
And with all the technology we have today and the rise of sites like XTube, people have easy access to platforms to broadcast this filth.
I really debated writing this piece and telling you about what’s been going on at the Galleria at Erieview. I hate linking to a site that has such graphic content on display, but I think you need to know that this exhibitionist fetish subculture exists because if someone is getting away with making pornography in broad daylight at the front entrance to a giant glass enclosed shopping mall in downtown Cleveland, Ohio then these fetishists are more aggressive and active than you probably ever realized.
If you have children, you need to be increasingly more concerned with running into someone like this, unfortunately. It’s a scary, scary thought.
I still can’t believe something like this is being allowed to happen at the Galleria. I remember when this used to be the safest, most upscale, classiest, and most family-friendly building in all of Cleveland.
Great Merciful Zeus, times sure have changed.
UPDATE: 530pm 12/14/11
For those of you who are asking, The Galleria at Erieview is managed by the Minshall Stewart Company, based in Bethesda, Maryland. You can email this management company HERE.
Their contact information and address are here:
7101 Wisconsin Avenue Suite 1210
Bethesda, Maryland 20814
Telephone: (301) 907-9881
Fax: (301) 907-9886
Please email, fax, or call Minshall Stewart to encourage them to press criminal charges against the man filming these videos at the Galleria at Erieview.
There is a very simple way to determine his identity, but I bet Minshall Stewart won’t go to the trouble of doing it unless YOU get involved and apply some pressure for the company to jump through the required hoops.
The man filming and posting these videos at XTube.com goes by the handle “KSUHurdler” there. Minshall Stewart needs to get a court order to compel XTube.com to hand over the identity of KSUHurdler since he’s committing crimes on Minshall Stewart’s property. XTube.com has this person’s real identity, IP address, etc. on file but will not surrender it without a court order. It’s expensive to get a judge to compel a website or hosting company to turn over someone’s real identity but a giant company like Minshall Stewart can afford it (the price tag’s somewhere between $1,000-$3,000 to make this happen).
Once Minshall Stewart has the man’s identity, the company can file a criminal complaint against him with the Cleveland Police Department. The CPD will NOT get the court order forcing his identity on their own; Minshill Stewart has to do this. CPD will claim it is not a priority and they are short-staffed and have no funding to invest in this. Trust me, you are on your own whenever you need to find the true identity of someone doing anything illegal on the Internet; the police will not do this investigative work for you, but they will go after someone if you hand them everything they need to do it.
Identifying and then prosecuting this man for what he did at The Galleria at Erieview would have a chilling effect on these stunts in the exhibitionist subculture. That might be a deterrent that will prevent someone in your own community from doing something like this in the future.
Sometimes you have to just say that enough is enough. I feel that way about anything bad like this that goes on in Cleveland. I will never live in the city again, but it will always be my hometown. This man, “KSUHurdler”, is hurting my hometown by turning the Galleria into his own porn studio. I can spare a few minutes on the phone or writing emails to hound the Minshall Stewart Company to invest the resources required to identify this man and set the police after him.
It’s not in most people’s nature to ever get involved in things. Talking on the phone is scary. Filling out an email of complaint takes time. Writing to anyone, for many people, is a chore.
But we wouldn’t be where we are right now as a society if more people decided it was “their watch” and started seeing their phones and email accounts as ways they could take a stand and loudly shout that “this garbage is not going to keep happening if I have anything to say about it”.
Think about it, and hopefully you’ll join me in encouraging Minshell Stewart to take action in this ongoing matter in Cleveland, Ohio.
UPDATE #2: Here’s a good question from a reader I want to answer for all of you:
Speechless… Just speechless.
But my question is, how do you know he’s gay?
If he is, he should be doubly ashamed of himself for acting like every Bible Belt Christian’s Worst Nightmare Stereotype of how gay men behave.
I know the man who has been masturbating in The Galleria at Erieview is gay for five reasons:
1. His account at XTube.com (that he uses to post these exhibitionist videos) is clearly a gay account; he chose to use gay categories and tag words when creating his profile there that identify him as gay to other gay men.
2. The videos he has “favorited” on his XTube account are all gay videos; it’s extremely unlikely a straight man would do that.
3. If you watch the video, this man is in obsessively gym-toned shape. Some of you might argue with me on this one (and note that your straight cousin is an exception or your straight neighbor’s not gay but does this too), but it’s incredibly rare to find a straight male who is that buff. In the gyms here in Chicago for instance, a lot of straight guys workout on a very regular basis; some of them become obsessed with exercise too…but it’s the gay men who really keep themselves in the shape that “KSUHurdler” keeps himself in. The straight men who spend a lot of time in the gym are usually guys who do it for stress-relief or to maintain their weight. Some straight guys become the crazy marathon runner or cyclist guys; you can tell them immediately because they tend to look gaunt and exhausted all the time and are guys that have very strange and obsessive personalities that make them seem like they could explode at any minute. Gay guys, however, bulk up and keep themselves as trim as possible because they want the attention from other guys that this conditioning brings. It’s a peacock thing. The guy in this video is preening and exhibiting himself in a video he knows is going to be viewed by other guys exclusively. A straight guy just wouldn’t do this. Yes, there are indeed straight male bodybuilders who enjoy showing off their bodies, but these guys don’t masturbate in public and film themselves for videos that they post with gay-coded words on a fetish site like XTube. Most bodybuilders that are straight are guys that use the bodybuilding to desperately try to repair self-esteem and self-confidence issues they had before they became gym rats (I would hazard that 80% of these guys were fat kids, had bad relationships with their dads, or otherwise needed to get into the weight training to get over something emotionally scarring in their lives).
4. If you watch the video, the guy has gay-face. You can see it in his eyes, even factoring out the fact that he’s engaged in something that’s distracting him, he’s still got gay-face that makes him look a little like RuPaul Charles if RuPaul was an extremely buff, zero body fat, fetishist publicly masturbating at the Galleria at Erieview in downtown Cleveland.
5. The guy uses “Poppers” at the start of the video. “Poppers” are a drug used in the gay community that is sold over-the-counter at sex shops and even novelty stores in gay neighborhoods; this drug comes in small vials that many gay guys carry in their pockets to sniff every now and then to get sexually charged. Poppers are comprised mainly of amyl nitrate (“video head cleaner”). They are low-grade smelling salts, essentially (remember in old movies when someone would faint and another person would magically appear with something that would be passed under the fainter’s nose, instantly waking that person up? That’s amyl nitrate). Gay bathhouses in Chicago like Steamworks or Man’s Country (where both Barack Obama and Rahm Emanuel used to frequently “play”) have vending machines that dispense Poppers, lube, condoms, and all sorts of other sexual gear the way regular vending machines spit out Doritos or Lays chips. Let’s put it this way: it’s as likely for a straight guy to be using Poppers as it is for a straight guy to be rocking out to Madonna or Lady Gaga on his iPod while walking down the street wearing a little Yassir Arafat-style scarf with his hair styled into a cupie-doll-esque “faux hawk”. There’s nothing stopping straight guys from blaring Madonna or Gaga or getting their hair cut like that or whatever, and there’s nothing stopping straight guys from buying and using Poppers, but it’s just not something straight guys do.
One of the reasons I write about “the Dark Side of Boystown’s Rainbow” and share things like this is because a not insignificant number of emails always come in from straight people who insist these looks behind the curtain at what really goes on inside “the gay community” are enlightening and revelatory in many ways.
Barack Obama was a regular visitor to the Man’s Country bathhouse here in Chicago before he became a US Senator, which means the current President of the United States more likely than not used Poppers and behaved in public the way the man in this video is behaving (though, by all accounts, he is not as well-endowed). You’ll never read any of that in the agenda-driven media, but if you ever want to really understand Obama and the things that he’s doing in the Oval Office, you need to remember the sorts of things he got up to in the bathhouses.
There are a lot of men in elected office — right now — who do all sorts of bizarre sexual things on a regular basis. In the last two years alone, we heard all about the antics of Congressmen Massa, Wu, and Weiner. No doubt as the 2012 election draws closer, we’ll hear about even more. Sex and politics are always linked because so many of these elected officials breathe such rareified air and so believe they are untouchable that they engage in all sorts of risky activity of their own.
You’re never going to stop what happens in the bathhouses (or the shower room in the Congressional gym), but you can put an end to this sort of stuff happening in public shopping malls in cities like Cleveland if you demand the management companies pursue criminal charges against men like “KSUHurdler”.
Is Barack Obama Gay? Part III: What’s It Like Inside A Chicago Gay Bathhouse Like the One Obama Used to Frequent As A State Senator?
WARNING: This Video Might Not Be Appropriate to Watch At Work The video above is a rare look inside a real Chicago gay bathhouse (located on Halsted and named Steamworks) that contains the bare backsides of several jockstrap-clad performers (employees of Sidetrack the Video Bar named Jason Scott Gall, Eddie Budz, Kyle Krytemeyer, and Jimmy Kays moonlighting as Jane Russell and friends from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes’ “Ain’t There Anyone Here For Love?” dance number). There’s no frontal nudity, but several clear shots (from behind, or of behinds, as the caboose may be) of Jason, Eddie, and Kyle scampering through the bathhouse in just jocks or precariously-wrapped towels — as well as a truly gruesome makeup job on cross-dressing Jimmy Kays (whose alter-ego in Boystown is “Tiffany Chanel” and who behaves in the video much the way I’d imagine Barack Obama behaved himself when frequenting the Andersonville bathhouse Man’s Country back in the 1990s). There’s nothing sexual in the video, but I don’t think it would be appropriate to play if you are reading this at work (unless you happen to work at either Steamworks or Sidetrack in which case, seriously, put some clothes on for a change because it’s December outside).
Ever since investigative journalist Wayne Madsen wrote about Barack Obama frequenting gay Chicago bathhouse Man’s Country in the Andersonville neighborhood back when he was an Illinois state senator in the 1990s and early 2000s, I’ve seen comments from straight readers wondering what it’s really like inside a bathhouse — but for obvious reasons, bathhouses (here in Chicago at least) frown on allowing any sort of photography or video posting due to the expectations of anonymity possessed by all the men (such as the current President of the United States, Barack Obama) who are members of these “private clubs” (which are really just places to club other guys’ privates).
The above video (which I’ll say again is probably NSFW (not safe for work) due to glimpses of bare, jock-strapped backsides) is the only one I’ve ever seen that gives an outsider a decent idea of what it’s really like in a bathhouse; it was produced by Sidetrack’s staff in their in-house editing room and has been played in the bar several times already on their giant video screens (compelling delight, or abject horror, as the case (or viewer) may be with many things projected much larger than their actual size).
In November of 2011, the agenda-driven media decided to wage all-out-war on several of the contenders for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination: the website Politico.com cited anonymous sources in its zealotry to use insinuations about Herman Cain’s past sexcapades to derail his political campaign; “journalists” knowingly repeated long-refuted lies about Newt Gingrich’s marital troubles (please note, once and for all, that it’s NOT true that Gingrich divorced his wife while she was dying of cancer and that her ghost still hates him, as his former wife is still very much alive and thinks enough of him to still take part as a non-ghost in holiday celebrations with him and the rest of the family, who are also not ghosts); and the agenda-driven media has enthusiastically encouraged the rumor that Michele Bachmann’s husband is gay (something the Gaystapo — that faction of the Left comprised of gay writers, comedians, and talking heads — has dedicated itself to repeating to shoot Bachmann down in the polls).
Hence, it’s FINALLY not only professional but, I’d say, required for everyone to talk openly and frequently about Barack Obama being gay, Barack Obama having ongoing sexcapades with men even after grooming his beard Michelle Antoinette for the down-low charade they’ve presented for twenty odd years, and Barack Obama engaging in all manner of shenanigans in a Chicago gay bathhouse similar (though not as chrome-y and well-lit) as the one featured in the video above.
Isn’t the “Tolerant Left” always insisting that everyone in this country needs to think, act, behave, and do exactly as they do, because they’re always right while conservatives are always wrong?
Well, if it’s acceptable to use anonymous sources to write about sexcapades Herman Cain allegedly engaged in decades ago…
and if it’s journalistic practice to waste ink speculating about what really went on in Newt Gingrich’s marriage…
and if it’s so much fun to talk about Michele Bachmann’s husband supposedly being gay…
then WHY NOT just answer every question anyone on Earth has ever had about what Barack Obama more likely than not (according to the standards set by journalists above) got up to during frequent visits to the Chicago gay bathhouse Man’s Country?
Read below the fold for a thorough tour of an actual Chicago gay bathhouse with screengrabs (no nudity, I promise) of what the inside really looks like…so you can pretend to be a member of the agenda-driven media for a while and accept as hard, indefatigable truth everything anonymous sources have ever said about what the current President of the United States did with nude or towel and/or jockstrap-clad men before he ran for the United States Senate and the Presidency.
Be sure to tune into The HillBuzz & Mrs. Fox Show tonight on The Adventures in Radio Broadcasting Network for our exclusive interview with Larry Sinclair, the man who has openly discussed the sexual relations he engaged in with the current President of the United States, Barack Obama.
[ Click HERE to listen to the show at 10pm EST and 9pm CST on November 15, 2011 -- and then after that, the show will be archived at that same link for future podcasting ]
Ben Smith, a “journalist” at Politico.com once explained that he wasn’t covering Sinclair’s relationship to Obama because Sinclair didn’t have enough corroborating evidence or other proof that what he said about Barack Obama’s homosexual activities was true; in recent weeks, however, Politico.com launched an aggressive assault on Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain that included reporting from anonymous sources and women like Sharon Bialek, who have no proof whatsoever regarding the allegations they’ve made against Cain. Others in the agenda-driven media have claimed that Sinclair is not credible because he has a checkered past; in recent days, we’ve all learned that Bialek and the other women who’ve accused Cain of
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I’d love your input on this in comments below: how do you respond when someone around you says “I’m bored”?
I ask because this is something my boyfriend Justin does, a lot, and I honestly don’t know what to say to him every time he does it. Being “bored” is such an alien concept to me, that I just don’t know how to respond to Justin.
I can say with complete faith that I have never in my life said, “I’m bored”.
When I was in grade school, I clearly remember the nuns scolding a classmate for calling something boring. I think it was Sr. Francis Borgia, the sweet, plump, elderly white-haired nun in the most medieval habit imaginable who lectured us on the laziness inherent to “boredom” and how only people without imaginations are ever “bored”. I come close to imagining her breaking into a little song and magically dancing around the room while she educates us on the virtues of imagination, but that’s only because Sister taught me how to use my imagination properly to begin with. That’s why she, and the rest of the “ninja nuns” I had throughout grade school and high school remain forever etched in my mind and are often the go-to sources of wisdom when, 20-30 years later, I’m stymied by situations like this with Justin (who, incidentally, went to public school and never had any “ninja nuns” in his life).
This week, I forced myself to read Joe McGinniss’ truly terrible book on Governor Palin, called “Searching for the Real Sarah Palin”. If the book had been a movie, I would have been searching for the nearest exit and the quickest path to the ticket counter to ask for my money back. It was terrible, and a painful slog to get through, and I must admit it felt more like 3,000 pages than 300, but I can’t say I was “bored” during any of it. Repulsed, disgusted, and amazed this man has not yet been sued by the Governor…but never bored, despite the tedium of reading through his delusional rantings.
McGinniss rambled on for whole chapters, making little sense, and describing in detail putting together a gas grill so he could cook fish outside and watch waterfowl called “grebes” sit on lily pads in the water. His prose was amateur — like reading a third grader’s creative writing assignment — but I still did my best to picture the lake, the “grebes”, the gas grill, and the antlered, toothsome, bloodthirsty Wendigo I know just had to be crouching in the woods just off his deck waiting to much on McGinniss once he’d polished off his grilled trout (with would have made him an Alaskan version of a “turduckin”, him being a jackass chock full of lies stuffed to the gills with fish, or a “McGinniss” for short).
Whenever I read anything, no matter how talentless the author or dry the material, I can always conjure a visual that keeps me entertained, if not enthused, with the material in front of me.
It’s the same with doing any task at hand…if it’s not interesting in its own, I make a game of it for myself, even if it’s just a race to see how fast I can clean the fridge or wash the dishes (to see if I can break my last, best time).
I grew up an only child whose parents left him to his own devices most of the time. I had a dog that was always my buddy, and I had lots of school friends always coming over (when I wasn’t playing at their houses), but I guess as an only child I never counted on anyone to entertain me so in times when I had to buckle down and do something I didn’t especially enjoy, I always had my imagination to keep me company and enliven things.
Justin can’t do this.
He either needs his Ipod to listen to music, or he needs YouTube videos up, or he needs me to keep him entertained and/or focused on something he thinks is “boring” if he’s ever going to do it.
I have to tell you, it kind of horrifies me a little when Justin says “I’m bored!” or “this is SO BORING”. It’s not a deal-breaker in our relationship by any means, but I react to it the same way I would if I caught him clipping his toenails by biting them with his toes drawn up to his mouth (with I actually caught an ex doing once, coincidentally not long before we broke up for good).
I tried telling Justin about what Sr. Francis Borgia said about “boredom”, but tales from Cleveland are never received well by Justin (who I think is secretly jealous of the wonders of my home town on the Cuyahoga) and any stories from my past that begin with “Sister So-and-So always said” are deemed “BORING!” by Justin by nature of including septuagenarian nuns in them.
I have a very good friend with a very sweet, otherwise well-behaved six year old daughter who actually screams and cries when she’s “bored”. Once, when babysitting her, I heard wails coming from the living room while I was making lunch and I thought someone had broken into the apartment and hurt her, but instead April was just sitting there, with her coloring books and crayons laying in front of her alongside a bag full of toys her mom left at my place…and she was crying and screaming “I’m bored! I’m bored! I’m BORED!”.
I didn’t know what to do with her, and I don’t know what to do with Justin either, because “boredom” is such an alien concept to me.
Can you offer any advice on how you handle this when you encounter people in your own lives who claim they’re “bored”?
Do you understand what the nuns taught me, about making anything you are doing interesting and using the intellect and imagination God gave you to enhance and enliven everything you do?
QUESTION: Is the only good thing to come out of Obama’s presidency really just Aretha Franklin’s hat?
As it becomes increasingly more obvious to even the far, far Leftists in the media that Obama is a one-term, failed president, I realize when history’s written on “The Golden Age of Hope and Change” there will indeed be at least one good thing to have emerged as a result of Obama’s inauguration: Aretha Franklin’s hat.
It’s a gorgeous hat.
A surprisingly quite popular hat.
A hat proudly boasting it’s own Facebook page.
You should totally friend it.
Like, right now.
Make your friends jealous.
After Obama’s defeated and we all have free time once again, I think I might channel Meryn Cadell and write a song about Aretha Franklin’s hat, along the lines of “The Sweater”.
I would call that song “Aretha Franklin’s Hat, the Only Good Thing About the Entire Obama Presidency”.
I will have my boyfriend write the music for the song and I’ll probably scrabble together a poorly made YouTube video for it.
I hope the hat likes it.
Aretha Franklin’s hat has, I do believe, eclipsed my longstanding love and admiration for Whitney Houston’s own similar hat — the one she wore in the pre-Bobby Brown, so full of life and talent, “How Will I Know Video”.
I know these hats are magic.
Because I can see them.
But even these magical gray hats could not deliver unto us the hopeychange and unicorns Obama promised.
I don’t know what Obama voters saw in this man.
Of all the people even remotely connected to the Obama Administration, it seems the only one who ever accomplished anything worthwhile was a milliner in Detroit named Mr. Song — Luke Song – the man who made Aretha Franklin’s hat.
The only good thing about the Obama Administration.
And…it’s a hat.
Hat’s all, voters!
Fisher Price “Little Mommy” dolls subversively whisper to youngsters that “Islam is the Light”. More proof that talking dolls are damn dirty liars.
Research Needed: Can you help identify people, groups, or other entities who have been attacked by gay groups in Illinois…especially by Equality Illinois?
We need some help with research that will be used to expose the hypocrisy rife in the gay community, particularly the one here in Boystown, Chicago.
The Left uses and exploits gays in much the same way the Left uses and exploits blacks. Whenever Democrats need to slander and otherwise malign Republicans, they turn to gays to call religiously affiliated Republicans bigots and accuse them of all manner of discrimination…much like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Henry Gates, or Barack Obama taking to the TV to rile black people up by claiming some person, company, or even cat or dog is RAAACIST. It’s oft-staged and predictable theater the media loves, so this has obviously been going on for decades now.
The thing is, no matter how much the gay community claims to be victimized by religious people — or by Republicans, whenever it’s close to an election year and Democrats need to damage the opposition by falsely claiming they are bigots — it’s actually gays who invest more time and effort into attacking people who have religious beliefs…most especially Christians.
Do gay activist groups like Equality Illinois condemn discrimination when it’s gays that are doing the discriminating?
In the past, Equality Illinois has energetically participated in and supported various efforts here in Boystown to attack Republican political figures and Christian family groups as bigots — alleging these people discriminate against gays in the state of Illinois.
Bill Brady, 2010 Republican candidate for Governor, was attacked in this way, with no proof ever offered that he’s a bigot, as Equality Illinois and other gay attackers alleged. Of course as soon as the election was over and Pat Quinn (Democrat) was elected, the crusade against Brady ended. If this man was really a dangerous bigot on the loose in the state, it’s ponderous that Equality Illinois decided to never say another word about the man or his role in Illinois politics.