A few days ago, I stepped into the offices of Chicago law firm Hinshaw & Culbertson to appear as a witness in a major discrimination suit working its way through federal court involving a prominent Chicago gay bar that’s been accused of persecuting its Christian employees (which is the height of hypocrisy, considering that the owners of this bar vociferously accuse Christians of persecuting gays). As often happens here in Chicago, a mystery fell into my lap while I was sitting on a couch in Hinshaw’s waiting room…because there before me on the floor on either side of the large reception desk was the filthiest carpeting I’d ever seen in my 36 years on this planet. In the grand scope of all the mysteries that are out there today, “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet” isn’t the grandest of them all…but I’m just personally boggled by the fact that a purportedly prestigious law firm in Chicago in a very expensive office building could have carpet this filthy in its waiting room. And not seem to care!
Yesterday, I wrote to the Senior Partners of the firm to ensure they knew about the filthy and unsanitary conditions in their offices…but I haven’t heard back from them yet. No doubt, men like Donald L. Mrozek and J. William Roberts are very busy so it might take them and the other Senior Partners a few days to address how filthy their carpet is and how unsanitary and disgusting their men’s washroom was on that same floor. They probably are a little sheepish about the whole situation, too, because I took pictures of how filthy the carpets are over there and showed them to everyone. Though, honestly, they knew I was coming to visit that day and they know I’m Editor-in-Chief of a popular website…and a reasonable person would have supposed I’d have some sort of photographic device on my person in the year 2013. So, they really should have had foresight to clean the carpets and tidy up the washroom before someone like me arrived for an appointment in the building (and was cleared through security to come up to the third floor!).
‘The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet” fascinates me because it’s a real commentary on how Chicago itself operates…because it’s on one level this vast garden of shiny steel and glass spikes zooming up to the sky for as far as eyes can see, with tourists clamoring for the best view of all the architectural beauty and historic landmarks…but underneath all that beauty there’s real rot and decay in this town that the political system and media here endeavor to hide under rugs.
That’s why I find it a perfect metaphor for this city to step into a suite of offices in a very shiny and spectacular office building on LaSalle, in the middle of the Loop no less, and find the reception area of a prestigious law firm to be filthier than the one in Beetlejuice, when Geena Davis and a surprisingly attractive version of Alec Baldwin went to the ghost world for an appointment they had with Sylvia Sidney. You remember that scene: the two bewildered, recently deceased humans arrive and find themselves in a diseased room covered in creepy stains, afraid of sitting in something gross, with the whole thing being Tim Burton’s grotesque version of a waiting room in purgatory. Like this:
Only, Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin were lucky because they had each other to comfort them in all that filth…but I had to sit there in the Hinshaw & Culbertson offices and stare at all of those mysterious, moldy stains all by myself!
I actually thought to write to Sylvia Sidney (who played Juno, the ghost caseworker) in Beetlejuice to ask her how Tim Burton and his design team so convincingly replicated the Hinshaw & Culbertson offices from the year 2013 in a movie they released back in 1988, but I’d (fittingly at this point) need a ouija board to reach her. Then I thought I’d ask Geena Davis what she thought of Hinshaw & Culbertson’s filthy reception area carpeting and if it reminded her of working on Beetlejuice, but while looking up her agent’s address I decided that I’d do a really good deed today and bring these filthy carpets to the attention of someone who could really help Mr. Donald Mrozek and Mr. J. William Roberts with their cleaning and sanitation problems. With a reception area this filthy, I should really enlist the heaviest hitter I could think of in ‘The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet”…Ann B. Davis, the woman who played housekeeper extraordinaire “Alice Nelson” on The Brady Bunch.
VIA US MAIL — 2/22/2013
Ms. Ann B. Davis
c/o The Artists Group
1650 Broadway — Suite 1105
New York, New York 10019
Dear Ms. Davis,
I am writing to you because many years ago you portrayed the world’s greatest housekeeper, “Alice Nelson”, on the television program The Brady Bunch. As you no doubt recall, there was absolutely no mess your character couldn’t clean up, no matter how filthy any of the (six!) Brady children were in any episode of that classic TV program. If “Greg” threw the football around and broke something, you’d pick up the pieces and restore order. If “Marcia” was sloppy and got makeup all over her vanity, you’d degrease the glass in an instant (using nothing more than vinegar, lemon juice, or magic). Whenever “Peter” spilled his drink on his textbooks like an inconsiderate and sloppy little pig, you’d dry them out and politely admonish him for being so stupid. “Jan” was just one big walking mess, but yet you always found a way to clean up after her too; FEMA can’t even do something like that today. ”Bobby” and “Cindy” were pretty much just wild all the time and had that dog “Tiger” for a while that just disappeared at one point (or, more interestingly, slipped into an alternate reality where he became a tiger named “Dog”).
I can only imagine how, before he vanished and was never spoken of again, “Tiger” probably made the most messes of any member of the “Brady Family” (apart from “Cousin Oliver”, naturally)…but your character “Alice” kept the “Brady” household’s shag carpeting and other interesting 1970s decorating choices looking resplendent. I know that you were just an actress playing a role written for you by men at typewriters chain-smoking like fiends, but I’m hoping you were at least somewhat method in your craft and that while portraying “Alice” you also were imbued with some of her best spot-cleaning attributes.
I have absolutely no authorization to do this and am not affiliated with them in any way, but I would like your help in solving “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet” that exists in the Chicago offices of the law firm Hinshaw & Culbertson. I believe this falls under my duties of “concerned citizen” and “local busybody” and is, of course, a manifestation of my First Amendment rights and my dedication to cleanliness in general.
Recently, I had an appointment at Hinshaw & Culbertson and was shocked by the filthy carpeting they have in their reception area. Here is a photo of exactly what I am talking about so that you can channel “Alice” and help address this with me, as concerned citizens and characters that people have strong opinions of:
I know it looks like the young man in black is part of some kind of cult and is dancing in front of a giant cupcake with a maraschino cherry on top, but he’s just a cater-waiter setting up for a cocktail party function that Hinshaw & Culbertson hosted on 2/20/2013 (as bizarre as it is that they’d host a major catered event in space that has such filthy carpeting). It also looks like there’s a disembodied head just floating right there to the immediate left of the cater-waiter, but that’s really a mustachioed man with glasses whose full body is hidden by the oversized reception desk (it kind of looks like he’s sitting in an elaborate shipping crate or animal pen, but I believe there’s an open space on one side for him to escape). Now that I look at it closely, it also appears that the cater-waiter’s arm ends at his elbow and that he’s firing some sort of blast of psychic ball-lightning at the floating head, like he’s a male version of the video game character “Samus” from the old Metroid series on the NES. But that’s probably just a trick of the light and an optical illusion. My boyfriend Justin really loves video games and he pointed this out to me, so don’t feel bad if you didn’t automatically get the reference because you are 80-something now and I’m 36 and this didn’t immediately leap out at me either.
Those filthy stains on the carpeting of Hinshaw & Culbertson’s waiting area aren’t tricks of the light, however. They sure aren’t “treats” either…but they’re scarier than anything I’ve ever seen at Halloween or in movies such as Beetlejuice (which you weren’t in, obviously, but you should have been in because you are really funny as an actress).
I am wondering if you ever saw stains like the ABOVE on the carpeting of the “Brady Family” house while you were part of that bunch…and not just on the set itself, but also in the backstage production areas where the Teamsters no doubt trucked around lighting, camera equipment, those fancy directors’ chairs, and all the other heavy-duty accoutrements that are needed for television production (and they probably dropped stuff and made a big mess, because they are Teamsters and that’s how they roll). I imagine the back corridors of a TV studio get pretty filthy…and I am wondering if the carpeting backstage on a 1970s sitcom production set was ever filthier than the reception area carpeting of a major law firm in Chicago in the year 2013.
How on Earth would your character “Alice” ever begin to clean filthy carpeting like this?
On the show, whenever one of those “Brady kids”, their dog “Tiger”, “Sam the Butcher”, or other characters on the show made any kind of mess “Alice” would react for the camera, make some kind of funny face, say something hilarious, and then get right to work with a bucket and some kind of scrubbing utensil. And then she’d make pork chops and apple sauce for everyone (except “Tiger”, because he’d get dog food out of a can because he was a dog).
I’ve looked through old episodes on YouTube and I have been unable to identify what sort of utensil “Alice” most usually favored for cleaning up filthy messes…or if such a utensil would be good on carpet like that found in the reception area of Hinshaw & Culbertson. I have no way of determining if this is quality carpeting or not…but I’m tempted to guess it couldn’t have been all that expensive if Hinshaw & Culbertson seemingly can’t afford to get it properly cleaned. That’s an assumption I am making based on the fact that their carpet really and truly is filthy…and I can’t imagine a firm would purposefully choose to allow carpet to get this filthy in a waiting area unless they just financially couldn’t afford to have it cleaned professionally. And that assumption leads me to believe they probably couldn’t have afforded very expensive carpeting to begin with.
But, you know the old saying of: When you assume, you make an “ass” of “you” and “Alice from the Brady Bunch”…so I should just really focus on how filthy their carpeting is right here and now and ask if you have any suggestions at all for how they could clean this up. Mind you, they have not asked for my help so this is more of a Good Samaritan effort, kind of like trying to figure out how Lindsay Lohan can get her life back on track or how Liza Minnelli can stop marrying gay guys. It’s the sort of unsolicited intervention for the hapless that all the “Bradys” should have done for “Jan”.
Since I went to their offices for a meeting but the meeting didn’t happen because the man who asked for the meeting ended up not being prepared to meet that day (I think the day got away from him and he got distracted because they were going to be having a big party that night and he might have been excited because a party was happening), I believe I will be back in their offices again soon for another meeting that will probably happen this time…and when I go I’d like to be able to share with them any advice you might have for how they can make their offices less filthy.
Hinshaw & Culbertson also has a serious problem with their men’s washroom (which you can read about here), but that’s really something that a whole lot of Clorox bleach, Windex, a mop, and some elbow grease can fix…so the real mystery is how they can clean their filthy carpets so that they look like the carpeting at every other law firm that exists here in Chicago…or any other professional business, really.
I believe your character “Alice’s” boss on The Brady Bunch was an architect and he worked from home in an office he designed himself. I also remember it always looked very professional in there, which was no doubt directly attributable to the hard work and dedicated cleaning skills of “Alice” herself. I am not sure if the producers made you stay in character and clean the whole set after filming was done for the day, but if that is remotely the case then you did a really good job with “Mike’s” office because it really does sparkle.
Perhaps working together we can impart some of “Alice’s” cleaning tips and know-how to Mr. Donald L. Mrozek and Mr. J. William Roberts of Hinshaw & Culbertson at some point so that they can clean their filthy carpet and have it look as nice as “Mr. Mike Brady’s” carpeting in his architectural office.
Thank you for your time, Ms. Davis, and for being such a valuable resource in this matter from so deep in our nation’s vast pop culture universe. You have brought me so much joy through the years while watching reruns of The Brady Bunch and I would be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity now to express gratitude to you on behalf of my readership for your talented depiction of America’s favorite housekeeper, “Alice Nelson”.
Awaiting your much-needed counsel to solve “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet”,
Longtime Fan of Your (and “Alice’s”) Work
Read the rest of “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet” on our “Mysteries” page HERE.
QUESTION for COMMENTS: What other people, companies, or fictional entities do YOU think could help us in “The Mystery of the Filthy, Filthy Carpet”?
[ H/T ChicagoPride for all photos. Barack Obama, depicted as a cross-dressing, red-boots-wearing nancy boy. "I thought it would be funny because everyone says he's secretly gay so I thought Obama would like wearing boots like this", the young Columbia College student told me when Justin and I stopped him on the street to ask him to describe his costume. "Obama is a cake boy punk and I love it! He's our first gay president like TIME said!". It was actually Newsweek that said that, but it's still hilarious. I didn't get why the guy wore glasses to play Obama but it turns out he needs them to see and can't wear contacts, so hence the glasses. ]
[ This is the only person I saw dressed up as anything related to Mitt Romney. I really thought there'd be a few people in "Mormon Underwear", but there weren't. I did see a few guys dressed up in blazers and ties wearing a rainbow-collection of briefs (with no pants) who were supposed to be "The Romney Boys", each with a different color undies from red to orange, yellow to baby blue and all in between. Gay guys love going out in just underpants at Halloween and it's kind of a thing to work hard in the gym all year to be able to do and get away with on the street. ]
[ Book of Mormon. I don't think this was supposed to mock Mormons or the LDS Church...it is a reference to the Broadway Musical, "The Book of Mormon". That either recently played here in Chicago or is coming soon because there are posters for it all downtown. I don't think this is a Mitt Romney thing. ]
[ There were quite a few versions of Big Bird out and about, as well as other Sesame Street characters. It feels like THIS is how people chose to express themselves politically, since all Obama has wanted to talk about on the campaign trail is "Big Bird this" or "Big Bird that". I did not see a single reference to "Binders" or "Battleships" or "Bayonets" though. Big Bird! ]
[ Mocking Christianity is always popular amongst gays at Halloween. There were also plenty of people out dressed as pregnant nuns, priests with blowup dolls tied to them like they were altar boys giving oral sex, drunk popes, etc. Never in a million years would any of these people mock Islam; they would be too terrified of Muslims murdering them for it. But it's encouraged by Democrats to mock Catholics, in particular. Why Catholics keep voting Democrat is a bigger mystery to me than anything in the Vatican Archives. I know I tell this story every Halloween, but seven years ago when I was living with my then-boyfriend Harvey, he had very long hair and we were talking about Halloween. I suggested he go as Tarzan and I could be Indiana Jones. Harvey wanted to be Jesus instead, because "The Passion of the Christ" was still a big controversy (the Mel Gibson film) and Harvey wanted to be "bloody Jesus"...and he told me I could go as Moses or something. I refused. Then I tried everything to talk Harvey out of mocking Jesus, but he wouldn't listen to me. So I decided to let him have his way while simultaneously ruining his Halloween. I worked out like CRAZY all September and October and got my chest and arms to be bigger than they've ever been...and I splurged on the best Hollywood-grade Superman costume I could find. I figured if Harvey insisted on going as Jesus, I'd go as Superman...and no one would pay any attention to Harvey if I look really great in the blue tights, cape, and red Speedo. Sure enough, we went out that night and people would shout, "Superman!" and would come up to have pictures with me. And they would ignore Harvey like he wasn't even there. Because he made them uncomfortable, dripping blood from a craft store crown of thorns. Everyone knew he was a jackass. One woman told him he was sick and a group of Hispanic girls (who all wanted to kiss Superman) told Harvey he should be ashamed of himself because "that is disrespectful to wear". Harvey lasted 40 minutes out at the bars before he went home. I stayed out until the sun came up, having a blast. When I came home Harvey was still pouting, saying, "You did that on purpose. You made everyone hate me somehow. I don't know how you did it, but you turned everyone against me". Yah, like I have that kind of magic. Jackass. ]
[ This is pretty good evidence Democrats know Obama is going to lose and aren't pumped up about this election. The man above is dressed as Drew Peterson, who is a criminal here in Illinois who used to be a cop and killed his latest wife...and they think he killed his last wife too. You may or may not know about this, but the local news here talks about him any day that lazy reporters can't think of something else to cover. It took me a long time to figure out but the woman above is dressed as Rod Blagojevich (who tried to sell Obama's Senate seat back in 2008). So, these are people who like to dress in political costumes...but they deliberately chose NOT to do something from 2012. They went back to 2008, when they felt better about how the election went. THIS should tell you something about what is going to happen on November 6th. If Democrats couldn't find topical political costumes to wear, that means there was not much good for them to pick from this time...and that is BAD for Obama next Tuesday. ]
[ Zombies are always popular. Personally, Halloween to me should be either cute or sexy...not bloody, but about 50% of people like gory Halloweens. I consider the CDC zombie thing political since lately various government agencies have been training to kill American citizens who have been "zombified" as part of a supposedly tongue-in-cheek disaster readiness program. This is allegedly inspired by the huge success of AMC's "Walking Dead" tee-vee show. Justin's mom CarolAnne is a big Alex Jones fan and she keeps Justin up terrified many nights with her insistence that "saying they are fighting zombies is just cover for them training to kill American citizens in riots after Obama loses!". There will be no riots. Obama will lose, but no one is rioting. I do think it was a bad decision for the government to train for "zombie apocalypse" but this is a product of people in their late 30s and mid-40s taking over at these various agencies, many of whom are males who still collect action figures and read comics in their extended adolescence. So, this tongue-in-cheek stuff is hip for them...and it changes up how they've done this training before. That's why it's happening. There is no conspiracy. ]
Halloween is one of the “Gay Drinking Days” or “Gay High Drinking Holidays” here in Chicago, with the others being: Black Wednesday (the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so named because a lot of gay guys dread seeing their families the next day so they get smashed out of their minds the night before Turkey Day), Christmas Eve (more drinking to dull whatever pain gays expect at family events the next day), New Year’s Eve (which is one of only a few overlaps with straight drinking days), Oscar Telecast Sunday (less boisterous and more champagne and fancy drinks), St. Patrick’s Day (usually involving a pub crawl of the bars in Boystown), Black Saturday (the day before Easter…do you see a pattern where any day that’s before a family get-together day is a day for gay guys to get drunk in Chicago?), International Mr. Leather (this is Memorial Day Weekend in Chicago, which hosts a leather fetish festival the Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon of the long weekend), Pride Weekend (including a street festival for the first two days and then the Parade itself on Sunday…it’s like a big gay Homecoming Party with nonstop drinking), Madonna’s Birthday (in August), Market Days (first weekend of August for a street festival in Chicago), Night of 100 Drag Queens (a drag fundraiser in Chicago that’s the Wed and Thurs before Halloween), and then of course, Halloween.
That’s a lot of drinking, I know, but booze, drugs, and sex are a big part of the “gay community” because it’s imperative that Democrats keep gays in an extended period of debauched adolescence for as long as possible. Remember that the Left controls the various identity blocs that comprise the Democrat Party in different ways. Gays are controlled by Democrats promoting risky, promiscuous sex and reckless drinking and drug abuse so HIV/AIDS spreads and young gay men either become infected or never reach their true potential in life…so they then depend on the government for something. Blacks are controlled through abortion, the destruction of black families, inferior public schools, and an invented culture that rejects accomplishments and punishes blacks for speaking well, becoming educated, and making something of themselves as entrepreneurs…so they then depend on the government for everything. Women are controlled by Democrats by reducing them to walking vagina monsters who think only of having sex, being promiscuous, and then killing any babies they conceive because women who have children tend to worry more about the longterm future health of the country and see that Democrats’ agendas aren’t going to be healthy for America in the long term…so defining women as a group that must vote Democrat to “protect their right to kill their little babies” is key to keeping this identity bloc in the Left’s coalition.
Gays are taught that Democrats are good and Republicans are evil…and that if a guy is gay, he must vote Democrat. I’m sure lesbians are taught this too, but lesbians are just not a big part of the bar scene and don’t have much of a presence at events so I don’t feel comfortable speaking for them on a lot of things. Gay guys and lesbians rarely have anything in common, with lesbians tending to be more practical, better with money, and long-term thinkers while gay guys mostly act like those kids who turned into donkeys on Pleasure Island in Pinocchio. A lot of them end up being jackasses, especially those who listen to the gay “community leaders” for their political insight.
Since I met Justin I really don’t go out as much as I used to, though I do try to maintain the sources I have in the bar scene that feed me scoop or interesting gossip. I always go out on the “High Drinking Holidays”, even though I order diet Cokes these days, because I like seeing what the gay crowd here in Chicago is pushing politically and how the Left is using them in an election year, in particular.
I was really surprised to see so few political costumes out and about last night. I’m still waiting for some of the other nightclub photographers to post their pics online, but the ones I collected above were probably the only political outfits in the Boystown Halloween parade. I’ll update this post in the next few days when I get the New York, San Francisco, West Hollywood, New Orleans, and Atlanta pictures from bars and photographers in those cities…and then we’ll have a good idea of what sort of political statements gay guys (and the women who waste their lives hanging around them) made for Halloween 2012.
If you spotted any political costumes last night, tell us about them in comments below. Link to pics if you can find any online too!
I always feel a need to explain to some conservatives why things like this matter — and it’s because gays are like canaries in the cultural coal mine. Gays are trendsetters of fashion and pop culture. A lot of what spreads amongst low-information people out there via the entertainment websites and publications is incubated in gay urban enclaves in New York, San Francisco, LA, Chicago, etc. So, if gays aren’t bothering to get political at Halloween, that means gays are not fired up politically. And that means Democrats at large aren’t fired up politically…which means Obama’s in the remainder bin on November 7th (much like his Halloween masks are today!).
[ Click above to embiggen: Drudge's front page at 400pm CST on 9/17/2012...and then a shot of just the important part ]
I’m curious. Do straight people pick up on all the gay jokes that Matt Drudge at Drudge Report makes at Barack Obama’s expense?
It happens all the time…like today…and usually involved Drudge running a link to a story about Reggie Love…and then somewhere nearby on the page there’s a link to something else that is phrased in a way that, when combined with the Reggie Love and Obama story, creates the gay joke.
Today it was this story about Love: REPORT: ‘Body man’ Reggie Love paid by top Obama donor…
And then immediately below it was this: LEADING FROM BEHIND: Barack chases Mitt…
Reggie Love, Obama, BEHIND, Barack chases…
This happens too often to be a coincidence.
Drudge can’t be busted by anyone on it, though, because he has plausible deniability in that “these stories are not related and just happen to fall that way on the page”…and he can then accuse a critic of being crazy and seeing things that weren’t there.
But these clues that Obama is gay are TOTALLY there.
To my knowledge, Drudge has never directly linked to any story regarding Barack Obama’s gay experiences, here in Chicago or further afield. But every so often Drudge goes out of his way to highlight the bizarre and unexplained relationship that Obama has had with guys like Love, Kal Penn, Nick Colwin, Alex Okrent, Larry Sinclair, and Michael Signatore. When the first honest biographies of Obama are written in the future, these are the people who will fill the chapters that are devoted to the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Mary Pinchot Meyer, Mimi Alford, Angie Dickinson, and Jayne Mansfield in the Kennedy bios.
I’ve been covering this for years here at HB, which you can read more on HERE.
The only people who can’t see that Barack Obama is gay are the ones who don’t want to see it. I had an aunt growing up who was in love with Liberace and used to send him Christmas cards and fan letters because he was the “perfect man”. Yah, for other men. She didn’t know Rock Hudson was gay either and had her first heart attack when Richard Chamberlain and Tab Hunter came out. She still won’t believe it about James Dean or Monty Clift. I hope no one ever tells her about Tom Cruise, Will Smith, and John Travolta!
Barack Obama is as straight-acting as Richard Simmons…who, believe it or not, also has fans who refuse to believe in his fabulousness.
Can those of you who are straight pick up on any clues like this, or are you blind to it like my aunt?
And don’t say “I don’t care if someone is gay” just to get attention for yourself because yes, it does matter that a politician is secretly gay because that person is hiding personal loyalties and agendas from the public while lying to voters and is very subject to blackmail both foreign and domestic. No politician running for elected office should be closeted and no actor or other entertainer who makes political comments supporting one party over another should remain closeted either since that person seeks to affect votes and should reveal his or her hidden agenda too.
UPDATE: I went ahead and pulled Drudge’s archives to look for the other innuendos he’s ran on Reggie Love and Barack Obama. Some of these “jokes” involve the photos chosen while others involve word play in the article titles surrounding the Reggie/Obama story. With some of them, I think you need to be gay to get the joke. For whatever reason, Matt Drudge will not out Obama directly but he never passes up an opportunity to wink at his readers by presenting each reference to Reggie Love alongside SOMETHING that clues you into the fact that he’s the current President’s male lover (or was, since they seem to not be together anymore as of September 2012).
Here’s some of the innuendo that Drudge Report has run on Obama and Reggie Love while linking stories that feature Love. The key is to look at the stories that are posted around the one with Reggie Love and Obama in them; there will be a picture or words in the other stories that make a joke about Obama and Reggie Love being gay lovers and its up to Drudge’s readers to pick up on the innuendo. Like this:
[ This is just a list of the stories that Drudge has run on Reggie/Obama. There have been 10 references to the two of them together, but some are repeats. Each one has carried an innuendo of some kind for those who are sharp enough to crack it ]
[ This one is Drudge making a little play on words....there's the death threat against President story...then Reggie love saying "don't trust your dirty hands"...then a story about parasites gnawing through eyeballs...and then a pic of some gusher squirting milky white stuff everywhere. Parasites...a one-eyed something or another mentioned...things squirming around...something shooting hot liquids into the air...innuendo, folks. Think about it. He could have run any picture he wanted for Yosemite...like trees, or a cabin, or a map...and he could have positioned these stories in any order on the site...but they sort of tell a story when you read them horizontally like this. It's a little game Matt Drudge is playing with people who read him often enough]
[ This one was fun. It's the pictures this time that tell the innuendo. Hot football guys stretching and looking at each other. Obama staring at himself in the mirror (the thing he loves most in the world). A pic of the Romneys on their wedding day. And a pic of Reggie Love and Obama together. Taken as a whole it's a tableau that leaves out any woman for Obama, and has him surrounded instead by his own narcissism, hot guys, and his "body man" Reggie when Romney is in the most heterosexual picture that's publishable.]
[ This is another instance where picture choice made the innuendo. Here's Obama and Reggie Love together...then Obama opening wide with something creamy in front of him. You do the math on that. Also look where Reggie's head is in relation to the second picture. If the pic of Reggie was a full body pic...Obama's face would be in Reggie's loins. ]
[ This one is a succession of words starting with Matt Damon's "rip Obama again" bit (don't make me explain that, but think of harm happening during sex that two guys might have)...then there's the Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner reference with Bodyguard (where Obama is Ms. Houston, RIP) and the implication that Reggie is coming to rescue Obama (like Costner did to the character Miss Rachel Marron)...skip Newt's pic but I think that "No more Mr. Nice" works because Reggie and Obama were on the rocks at this point because of Kal Penn...then there's the word "gay" in the next line...and then "man up". Too many of these in a row to be a coincidence, folks. This is Matt Drudge having fun and putting out clues for those smart enough to catch it]
Here’s the thing: this is what I do with my own writing. I slip hidden in-jokes into everything all the time.
I write this site really for my friends and I put things in there that are secret shoutouts to them around the country. Lots of other people read my stuff too, but the jokes are really for my friends to laugh at and shoot me emails during the day telling me they got the message. I 100% believe that Drudge slips these little in-jokes into his efforts too, and they are for the benefit of those clued-in enough to spot them.
Maybe after reading this you will start spotting them on your own, too!
NOTE: For complete archives on the “Is Barack Obama Gay?” series, click HERE.
Last night, I was interviewed by Dr. Jerome Corsi on The Andrea Shea King Radio Show on the topic of Barack Obama’s gay life in Chicago. You can listen to the full show HERE.
I’ve always been surprised that no reporter has ever bothered to take the time to come to Chicago and camp out in the gay bars here to get the scoop on the current President of the United States — and by “camp out” I don’t mean dress up in drag and be boisterous, but rather to spend a couple of weeks becoming “a regular” in these kinds of places, chatting up the locals, and generously tipping the bartenders until everyone knows your name (the one you choose to give them, at least) and they let down their guard and start telling you tales of Barack’s bathhouse adventures before he became a US Senator (and later the President).
I really believe the “reporters” out there just don’t want to know the truth about this man. Writers on the conservative side of things probably just don’t want to spend that much time in gay bars.
But, you’d be amazed by the scoops you can get just sitting quietly in a corner in these places and listening to whatever the locals are talking about. You can easily nurse a drink for a while and eventually steer the conversation toward “the good old days” and hear about what various bars were like many years ago…say, from the mid-90s through 2004 when Barack Obama was sexually active with men in Chicago.
The way I’ve always heard it has been that Obama enjoyed being with older white men (the more grandfatherly the better) and liked only for them to do things to him (no recip, in the slang). This was most common at Man’s Country Bathhouse where that establishment’s current clientele now jokingly refer to rooms there as “presidential suites” or “Oral Offices” because the current President used to haunt the place back when he was a random Illinois state senator that no one had ever heard of or cared about. All of this changed when Obama ran for the US Senate and someone in his PR team made him stop going to Man’s Country. From then on he’d only have sex with older white men in the steam room or sauna at the East Bank Club, which is a very exclusive and expensive fitness center/social club where Chicago’s well-to-do essentially have the same bathhouse experience found at Man’s Country while paying thousands of dollars more for it.
Some in Chicago’s gay community are of the mindset that talking about all of this hurts Obama and therefore is forbidden. A reporter asking questions about Obama’s gay haunts would encounter resistance from guys in their 30s and younger who have been taught by the “gay community leaders” to attack anyone who is seen as “an enemy” of Obama. Guys in their 40s are iffy, too, but anyone 50 and above is just so thrilled someone wants to talk to him in a bar that he’ll chat your ear off if you let him. Especially if you’re nice looking and want to listen to stories about what Chicago’s gay scene was like “back in the day” when a guy like this got more play.
Have you ever seen an old episode of a show like Murder, She Wrote where faded movie stars from years and years before played bit parts in the mystery? That’s sort of what the corners of a lot of Chicago’s seedier gay bars are like. Some of these guys were truly gorgeous back in their prime and reigned over the scene. The gay community is 100% looks-based, so once you lose those looks you become invisible. It actually doesn’t matter how much money you have, since if your hair turns gray or falls out and your six pack becomes more of a keg you disappear into the woodwork no matter how fabulous you were once upon a time.
THESE are the guys that reporters should be talking to about Barack Obama. If they want the real story, at least. Though, getting guys to admit they used to (or still) frequent a place as sleazy as Man’s Country is tough. You need to understand that even in the gay community admitting you enjoy going to Man’s Country is something a lot of people shy away from because it’s just that nasty in there. Chicago has two main bathhouses and then a few places that are essentially bathhouse but pull off the “we’re a spa…really!” ruse better. Steamworks on Halsted is more chrome and glass and clean than Man’s Country, but guys still duck into the door when entering and try to slip out unnoticed when leaving. King’s Spa out in Niles, where Jesse Jackson often goes, is totally a gay cruising spot but it’s a Korean full-spa that has a side reserved for women and it’s posh enough for people to claim they’re “just going to the spa”. Another dump that claims to be a Korean spa is Paradise Sauna on Montrose at California where a lot of married guys go to cheat on their wives with men.
I bet reporters would be embarrassed to camp out in any of these places for extended periods gathering tidbits for an Obama tell-all because they’d have to be naked most of the time to do it. Nudity seems to be the protector of a lot of Obama’s secrets, oddly enough. But reporters could also hang out in the following bars here in Chicago where the older guys haunt who would have been around in the days when a skinny, weird-looking, black state Senator with a hard-to-remember Muslim sounding name was looking for oral sex from white men at Man’s Country:
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I grew up in the 80s and 90s and can vividly remember the rise of shows like Hard Copy and Inside Edition and when Entertainment Tonight started to be more of a tabloid show after Mary Hart and John Tesh were no longer the main hosts; all of these shows back then titillated their audiences with stories at least once a month about the sexual affair “rumored” to have been conducted between President Kennedy and actress Marilyn Monroe. I recall seeing a book called “Candle in the Wind” in a Waldenbooks in the mall when I was in 7th or 8th grade that was an alternate history novel where Marilyn survived the Kennedy Family’s attempt on her life and went on to expose JFK, his father and his brother and all the rest, for the thugs they were. I believe in the book, now long out of print, Marilyn was hated for bringing the president down and faded into obscurity…and by the 80s was fat, ravaged by time, and doing dinner theater in casinos somewhere.
In the 80s, people would still almost whisper when they talked about JFK and Marilyn but in the years since then it’s been more or less established that, yes, President Kennedy used to sleep around on Jackie and indeed had a romantic relationship with the actress (along with many other people). The tapes that Princess Caroline of Kennedy released to the public (against her mother’s wishes) feature Jackie at one pointing talking about hating Marilyn and complaining about her calling all the time and taunting her — which is something I have no trouble picturing Marilyn doing (like how Kathleen Turner in Serial Mom would prank call her neighbors and use vile language to raise their blood pressure).
Some day, twenty years or so form now, you’re going to just accept as similar fact that actor Kal Penn and President Obama had a romantic relationship that began on the 2008 campaign trail and continued when Obama asked Penn to move to Washington so they could be close to one another and the two could have sex more frequently.
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Where Barry Met Larry – Part 4: will Dahleen Glanton and Chicago Tribune assist grassroots campaign for Obama-Sinclair historic marker?
VIA EMAIL – August 21st, 2012
Chicago Tribune Reporter
Dear Ms. Glanton,
We’re writing to obtain your assistance with the national grassroots campaign to ensure every site where current President Barack Obama ever kissed anyone for the first time receives a historic marker like the one you wrote about being installed at the Dorchester Commons Shopping Center near Hyde Park in Chicago. In case you write a lot of articles and don’t remember this one immediately, it’s the story you did where you talked about how Michelle Obama tastes like chocolate — so much so that they made sure they put that right on the plaque so people in the future would know.
We’re not sure what Larry Sinclair tastes like, but the next time we speak to him we’ll certainly ask him (if we had to guess, though, it would be something like Rum Ripple or Butter Pecan). As you well know, Mr. Sinclair had a sexual tryst with Barack Obama in November of 1999 which predominantly took place at the Comfort Inn in Gurnee, Illinois. No doubt you’ve read all about this in Mr. Sinclair’s book, “Barack Obama and Larry Sinclair: Cocaine, Sex, Lies, and MURDER”. Tourists from across the country are clamoring to make pilgrimages to not just the “historic marker” that you wrote about at Dorchester Commons (which was an excellent article, by the way, and you’re deserving of a Pulitzer for it…in a hopeychange, lowered-standards world where Barack Obama won a Nobel Prize “for saying hope a lot” back in 2009) but also the locations where the current US President shared his first kisses with other people, such as Mr. Sinclair, because they’re no less relevant than that first kiss with his future-wife, Michelle.
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Where Barry Met Larry, Part 3: grassroots campaign to historically mark the Gurnee, Illinois Comfort Inn
VIA US MAIL — August 20th, 2012
Choice Hotels International
Guest Relations Service Center
6811 East Mayo Blvd., Ste. 100
Phoenix, AZ 85054
Dear Choice Hotels,
We’re writing to inform you of a growing national grassroots effort that seeks a historic marker for the Gurnee, Illinois Comfort Inn that’s similar to a commemorative plaque that Mid-America Asset Management recently installed at the Dorchester Commons Shopping Center in Chicago, Illinois. As we’re sure you’re aware, this was all reported in the Chicago Tribune, a newspaper you might possibly deliver to many of your guests first thing in the morning (or reserve for wrapping fish in your hotel’s kitchens).
The Dorchester Commons “historic marker” commemorates the first kiss Barack Obama supposedly shared with his future-wife Michelle. The Tribune article notes that the current US President later remarked that Michelle tastes like chocolate, which was a strange detail for the article to include. Neither of us can attest if this is true, but if that’s what the Tribune says Michelle Obama tastes like we have to assume it’s true because otherwise we don’t think the newspaper would have been allowed to publish that.
Choice Hotels should take this “historic marker” as precedent and proceed with plans to install a similar historic marker in front of the Gurnee, Illinois Comfort Inn because this is the location where Barack Obama had sexual relations with Larry Sinclair from November 6-7th in 1999. These “historical activities” were recorded in great detail in Mr. Sinclair’s book, Barack Obama and Larry Sinclair: Cocaine, Sex, Lies, and Murder. To the best of our knowledge, only the “cocaine” and “sex” part of the book happened in the Gurnee, Illinois Comfort Inn.
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Where Barry Met Larry Part 2: the grassroots campaign to historically mark Barack Obama’s visit to the Comfort Inn of Gurnee, IL (where he had sex with Larry Sinclair)
VIA Fax and US Mail – August 18th, 2012
Comfort Inn Hotel
6080 Gurnee Mills – Circle E
Gurnee, IL 60031-4524
Dear General Manager,
A recent article in the Chicago Tribune, “Marker Placed At Hyde Park Shopping Center Where Obamas Shared First Kiss” by Dahleen Glanton, has inspired a nationwide grassroots effort to ensure that every location where the current US President Barack Obama kissed various people is dutifully and permanently commemorated with a plaque, statue, obelisk, or other monument of some kind.
As you’re aware, the Comfort Inn Hotel located at 6080 Gurnee Mills – Circle E in Gurnee, Illinois is a place of immense historic importance because it is the location where President Obama first had sexual relations with Larry Sinclair, the namesake proprietor of the Sinclair News Group. At the time of his stay at your hotel several years ago, Mr. Sinclair was a guest of the Comfort Inn visiting the Chicagoland area to attend the graduation of a friend from the Great Lakes Naval Training Center nearby.
Mr. Sinclair was introduced to future-President Obama by way of the limousine driver he hired to drive him around Chicago while he was in town, as Mr. Sinclair knew he’d be going to bars to celebrate his friend’s graduation and wanted to avoid any inebriation issues behind the wheel (which, I’m sure you’ll agree, is commendable). It’s our understanding that Mr. Sinclair asked the driver to introduce him to any local gay Chicago men that the driver might know so that Mr. Sinclair could have some fun in the city with a local. The driver immediately thought of then-state-senator Barack Obama who had acquired a reputation with the driver for partaking in drugs, drinking, and having sexual relations with men similar to Mr. Sinclair.
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[ Click above to embiggen...which, oddly enough, is the sort of thing one can easily imagine the current US president saying to a guy in the back of a limo ]
Yesterday, the Chicago Tribune ran a rather strange story documenting a “historic marker” that was recently installed at the Dorchester Commons Shopping Center in the Hyde Park area of Chicago to commemorate the spot where Barack and Michelle Obama allegedly shared “their first kiss”. According to the article, the current US president later claimed his future wife “tasted like chocolate”. No doubt if David Bowie ever said something like that about his wife Iman, he’d be pilloried as the most racist of racists ever.
My good friend Megan Fox and I have decided to launch a grassroots campaign for a series of similar “historic markers” that we think should be installed around Chicagoland, commemorating other kisses Barack Obama had with additional people in his life…people such as Larry Sinclair, the man that Barack Obama had a wild sexual romp with back when he was still an Illinois state senator.
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Sheriff Paul Babeu: Another Gay Republican Outed When The Left Wanted Him To Be (For Maximum Political Damage)
Unlike most gay Republicans (like former Senator Larry Craig and former Governor Charlie Crist), Babeu is kind of hot, in an aged-out late-90s club kid turned grown-up sort of way.
One of the absolute dumbest things the Republican Party continues to do is allow gay men to remain closeted when holding or seeking elected office — whenever something like the Babeu outing happens, I wish more than anything that the rest of the gay Republicans would just all come out together, on the same day, and completely destroy the Tolerant Left’s ability to pick them off one by one when it’s politically and strategically beneficial to the Democrat Party.
Like it is right now, when Democrats decided to bring Babeu’s dirty secrets to light as a way to discredit his testimony related to the Fast & Furious operation (timed perfectly for this bombshell to drop at the exact moment national attention’s turning to Arizona because of the upcoming primary there).
Democrats have a file on every gay man in the Republican Party ranks. There are pictures. There’s video. Democrat strategists coordinate with the elite, agenda-driven media to out gay Republicans when it can create whatever scandal is needed in that moment in time to serve the Tolerant Left’s agenda. Most of these guys are being actively blackmailed by the DNC — so that when push comes to shove on some important vote, Democrats know they can call up these men and tell them they either vote against their party and constituents, or Democrats will out them in spectacular fashion and cause a big, embarrassing, life-ruining scene.
Democrats sit on information they have about gay Republicans for YEARS and YEARS, and only detonate the scandals when need be. These are aces the DNC keeps in reserve for when they are most needed — and the Republican Party truly earns its “Party of Stupid” nickname for not addressing the fact this keeps happening.
You need to understand something: it’s not the fact these guys are gay that ends up ruining them — because voters don’t really care that they are gay. It is always, always, ALWAYS the fact that they are perceived as liars for keeping in the closet…and through the years doing things that they almost never would have done if they had not been lying about who they really were all this time.
National Coming Out Day is in the fall, but why not have a mini-Republican Coming Out Day today (or, tomorrow, if the balloons can’t be blown up in time or the streamer store’s closed on Presidents’ Day) since the outing of Babeu has put this sort of thing in the news again.
Gay Republicans currently in office like Senators Lindsey Graham and Mark Kirk and Congressman Aaron Schock need to just come out already. Former gay office holders like Governor Charlie Crist and Senator Trent Lott need to come out too. I’m sure there are a number of lesbians in the GOP political ranks, too, but I’ve never known who any of they are. Watch Republicans who every now and again break ranks to be heralded as “bipartisan!” by stabbing the GOP in the back on certain votes — and more likely than not you’ll see a pattern where Graham, Kirk, Schock, and other guys mysteriously side against their constituents and the Republican Party line seemingly out of the blue.
It’s not so out of the blue when you start to ask yourself, “Was this an instance where these guys voting the way Democrats wanted because Democrats threaten to out them if they don’t do what the DNC says?”.
I can testify to seeing Aaron Schock in gay bars here in Boystown and to observing Mark Kirk at Republican events where he very clearly (and aggressively) ogled male waiters and bartenders and made it pretty damn obvious he’s gay. It is an open secret these guys are gay — and you have to be deaf and blind and living under a rock to not know about Graham, Crist, and Lott.
Why continue allowing Democrats to have this blackmail operation and the ability to sporadically explode little scandals like this — whenever they choose — when all that power can be taken away by getting gay Republicans to just come out already?
The truth is, most voters don’t give a damn if these guys are gay or not. But they do end up caring when these guys are dragged out of the closet and exposed as liars, or are caught doing something terrible because they stupidly believed they could get away with it so long as they kept in the good graces of their blackmailers.
The Party of Stupid, forever earning its name…while Democrats keep building their files on these people and picking up the phone to tell them how they need to vote on important issues lest they become the next Larry Craig or Paul Babeu.