Michele Bachmann has canceled her South Carolina appearances and has called a press conference for today at 10am — at which she will suspend her presidential campaign so she can focus on her tough Congressional re-election race.
Evidently, Willard Romneycare’s campaign decided not to fund Bachmann going forward, so her role as stalking horse appears to be over.
More than anyone else in this race, Bachmann did herself an immense disservice by choosing to behave the way she did in recent months, particularly in regards to her attacks on whichever “Not-Romney” candidate led in the polls that day. In trying to suck up to Romneycare and angle for some sort of quid pro quo with him, Bachmann came off as shrill and erratic. A woman who used to represent something came to stand for nothing but taking punches at whoever, at that moment in time, threatened Romneycare the most.
It was an incredibly foolish move on her part that alienated a great many people who’d been in her corner for years.
But, more importantly than that, Bachmann made the enormously ill-advised strategic decision to malign Governor Sarah Palin and her supporters this past summer, in the leadup to the Ames Straw Poll. THAT, right there, is what doomed her candidacy in much the same way that Rick Perry’s numbers never recovered after his surrogates on conservative sites like Redstate.com declared strange, obsessive war on Palin supporters in September.
The untold story of 2012 so far is just what will happen with the millions of people who would have voted for Governor Palin had she entered the presidential race. Those people are still out there, and they are largely frustrated and brokenhearted. They don’t seem to have rallied behind any one candidate, but they do punish candidates like Bachmann and Perry if either they or their surrogates malign anything Palin-related.
The big game-changer in the race will be if Governor Palin officially endorses a candidate and then begins campaigning for him. There will be an infusion of electricity into that person’s campaign. Quite possibly, this candidate will be Newt Gingrich and Governor Palin could ultimately campaign for him as a future Secretary of Energy in his administration. That would deliver a powerful punch to Willard Romneycare, that’s for sure.
More Proof Michele Bachmann Is Fishing for A Cabinet Position Promise from Romneycare: Her Super-PAC Is Now Pushing Romneycare
It’s been clear to me for the last two months that Michele Bachmann is only still in the presidential race for one reason: to split the “Not-Romney” vote enough for Willard “Mittens” Romneycare to attempt to win the Iowa Caucus and New Hampshire primary. Bachmann has treated Romneycare with great deference throughout the debates and has served as a persistent (and oftentimes shrill) attacker of whomever the leading “Not-Romney” candidate was at the time.
I started to wonder if Bachmann was on Romneycare’s official payroll, considering the way she’s behaved herself. But, more likely, Bachmann’s fishing for the promise of a Cabinet-level position in a theoretical Romneycare administration. Ambition is strong in Congresswoman Bachmann, and she wouldn’t be the first candidate to make a deal to split opposition vote in the early voting states in exchange for the quid pro quo of a Cabinet slot if things work out well for a candidate like Romneycare.
Today comes more confirmation of what Michele Bachmann is really up to: her Super-PAC has switched to advocating for Romneycare. This follows the announcement that her Iowa Chief of Staff has abandoned her campaign-in-name-only for Ron Paul.
I have to give credit where it is due: the Cocktail Party GOP establishment has played its hand incredibly well during the leadup to the Iowa Caucus.
Bachmann, Rick Santorum, and Jon Huntsman remain in the race despite having no chance of being the ultimate nominee.; their assigned role is to prevent the “Not-Romney” vote from coalescing behind either Newt Gingrich or Rick Perry, so that Romneycare squeaks through with a win, his opposition dividing amongst a half-dozen candidates.
If you are backing anyone other than Gingrich or Perry at this point, you are only helping the Cocktail Party GOP establishment push Romneycare to a win.
Very interesting comments by Sarah Palin on the GOP field going into Iowa.
Note: Clicking on the image will take you to a blog post on the Washington Post’s website, because the embed wasn’t working for this clip. Don’t read the blog post unless your blood pressure is too low this morning.
GOP Debate sponsored by ABC “News,” local ABC affiliate WOI-TV, The Des Moines Register, Yahoo and the Republican Party of Iowa
TIME: 9:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m Eastern time tonight
LOCATION: Sheslow Auditorium, Drake University, Des Moines
CANDIDATES: Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Mittens Romney and Rick Santorum.
SPINMEISTERS: ABC “News” anchors Diane “Republicans are Nazis” Sawyer and George “Obamatron” Stephanopoulos
WATCH: ABC-TV (check your local listings)
LIVE STREAM: http://www.DesMoinesRegister.com/caucus
All questions will be “gotcha” questions along the lines of “When did you stop beating your wife?”
Most debates up to now have arrayed the candidates onstage based on poll numbers. However, with Ron Paul in second place, the organizers will be forced to come up with a unique and unusual seating chart that puts him all the way on the end.
Mittens will get 75% of the questions and follow-ups.
Newt and Mittens will rip each other to shreds, and will be giving unlimited time to do so. Ron Paul will laugh inside, where it counts.
Ron Paul will get three questions total. Despite polling at #2 in Iowa and New Hampshire, Diane Sawyer will ask Dr. Paul when he is going to announce his third party campaign. The second question will be about Dr. Paul’s “nutty” statements that the U.S. shouldn’t tell Israel what her borders should be. And for his final question, George Snuffleupagus will ask Dr. Paul when he’s going to announce his third-party campaign.
Rick Perry will nod off, but will receive more questions than Bachmann, Santorum and Paul combined, even though his poll numbers are in the basement.
Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum will pile on to both Mittens and Newt, mainly about Obamacare. Rep. Bachmann will remind the crowd that she was born in Iowa. About 100 times.
UPDATE: Here’s a benchmark by which to judge the TelePrompTer-free performances by GOP candidates…
Confirmed to appear: Michelle Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Mittens Romney, Rick Santorum
Posted on his website by Mike Huckabee:
This Saturday from 8-10pm ET, my show [Mike Huckabee] will have a 2 hour special featuring the GOP Presidential candidates—all of whom are going to be posed questions not by media “stars” but by GOP Attorneys General Scott Pruitt of Oklahoma, Pam Bondi of Florida, and Ken Cuccinelli of Virginia; I will moderate. The candidates all get the exact same amount of time; the order in which they answer questions is determined by a random drawing and not by arbitrary decisions of “king maker” moderators.
The candidates will appear singularly on stage and are not allowed to discuss or attack other candidates, but must stick to questions which will focus on the federal/state relations of immigration, education, jobs, Obamacare, etc. It will be a very unique format and substantive—no “gotcha” stuff. I encourage you to tune in and please let your friends and family know about the debate as well.
Three Attorneys General are actually going to be asking the questions. And they all appear to be fans of the U.S. Constitution.
Holy moley. What a concept!
This isn’t going to be a live blog…I am not a transcriptionist. Just jotting down what I can as it happens, if I can type fast enough.
Newt is first.Pam Bondi is asking about empowering local board to decide which illegal aliens get to stay in the country.
Newt’s answer is about draft boards. He’s making a point about local citizens making decisions about local people. Talking about having a local family having to sponsor the illegals.
Ken Cucinnelli is asking about all the big-government solutions Newt has advocated in the past. Newt is saying it’s important to look at his total record (apparently the conservative half of his record.) Which Ken Cucinnelli points out.
Newt is saying that he has balanced a budget before, been there done that, etc.
First commercial break. I’m glad they’re not just throwing softballs.
Scott Pruett is asking about national problems that neither Congress nor the President should solve. His answer: Education, Medicaid, EPA functions. Newt points out the 10th amendment also covers moving power back to individuals.
My god, he’s starting to sound like Ron Paul…except he’s still talking about the government paying for education.
Pam Bondi: asks about Race to the Top and rigorous educational standards talked about on his website. Is it wrong to the federal government to intrude on the states when it comes to education? He says yes it is. Pam seems dissatisfied with his answer.
Question about Nancy Pelosi on the couch. Newt refers to a book he wrote that talks about free market solutions to environmental problems.
Who’s your favorite founding father…his answer is George Washington.
Good appearance but I don’t think he really put questions about his flip-flopping to bed.
Would I vote for him vs. Obama? I will have to think hard about it. My gut is telling me that once elected, he would go Cocktail Party on us and start reaching across the aisle again. I doubt that he would cut $1 trillion from the budget in his first year and balance it during his term. That’s the standard by which I’m judging all the candidates. So far only one has made a credible promise to do that.
Rick Santorum is up…first question is about the Patriot Act, which he voted for. (Which is why I can’t support him.) Notes that Lincoln suspended Habeus Corpus.
Question about strengthening the family and how is that the business of the federal government. Rick says welfare programs undermine the family (I agree with this.) Marriage tax penalty, etc. Talking about a bully pulpit to promote marriage. He says he authored the federal welfare reform bill. Wants to send entitlements back tot he states (not eliminate them). Says the states’ role is the welfare of its citizens.
Question about pro-life. Since constitution doesn’t speak to abortion, what would he do…he says he wants a constitutional right to life amendment.
Pam Bondi…talks about fighting unsustainable environmental policies coming from the EPA. What environmental regulations would he approve? He talks an awful lot but doesn’t actually answer questions.
I cannot stay tuned in to Rick Santorum. Still waiting for an answer.
He somehow says he’s going to force Congress to do something.
Scott Pruitt is asking about separation of powers…why. Rick correctly answers that it was to protect the rights of the states and the people.
Talks about president’s obligation to uphold the law re the Defense of Marriage Act. Rick says he’s glad Eric Holder’s Justice Department isn’t enforcing the law. WTF? You’re okay with lawbreaking if you don’t agree with the law? Whoa…
Amazing how many of these big-government Republicans have become born-again Constitutionalists.
Rick Perry is up next. I won’t be blogging his answers or Michelle Bachmann’s. I am using the Democrat-Controlled Media’s excuse for not covering them…they’re “unelectable.” Because I say so.
(Actually it’s because I’m blogging and spending time with family and I can’t do both effectively at the same time.)
Okay, I’m catching Rick Perry’s talk. The attorneys general seemed surprised that he would be willing to use Executive Orders to just eliminate any passed legislation he didn’t like.
Blah blah about securing borders, prayer in schools, education. Thinks education money should be spent by the states.
Favorite founding father = Madison because of the Federalist Papers.
Perry just scored big points by pulling out a copy of the Constitution. I have to give him props for that.
Michelle Bachmann is up.
Opponent of Obamacare…asked why States can’t pass individual mandates.
She doesn’t actually answer the question.
Ordered every insurance company in the U.S. to offer “morning after” pill and contraceptives.
Scott Pruitt asked the question again. She’s claiming Obamacare will trump the state statutes. (I think she’s wrong.)
Pam: you’ve pledged to deport all illegal aliens. How will you pay for it and execute it. Notes that it costs states $32 billion a year for all the illegals. She says ICE agents would have to enforce the laws. Says federal government would have to pay.
Tort reform question about federal government caps on state jury awards.
Bachmann supports federal interference in how states manage state lawsuits and jury awards. (IOW, she’s a big-government Republican on this issue.)
Bachmann is asked about eliminating the Dept. of Education. Will that be enough to get the federal government out of education. She says no…must also repeal federal education laws. I agree with her here.
Question about interstate pollution…makes a good point that there are 50 state EPAs.
Ken Cucinnelli seems amazed at her answer…and she’s not really making sense. He has tried several times to get this question answered…and fails. I hope Ron Paul gets this same question, but they don’t appear to be repeating questions.
Question about what is the worst Supreme Court decision of past 50 years. She says the Kelo vs New London decision on eminent domain. She talks about upholding private property rights.
Question re federal human life amendment. Why federal and not State? I don’t think she answered the question.
Next up, Ron Paul.
Ken: what are the 3 primary domestic responsibilities of the fed govt:
- Protecting the borders
- Sound currency
- Enforcing the Bill of Rights – property rights, freedom of speech.
Q: 1995 – Oklahoma City…you are opposed to the Patriot Act. What alternative do you have?
Ron: You can’t prevent all crimes and all criminal acts. You can’t put a camera in every home. Its not a lack of laws that is the problem. We don’t need a comprehensive law at the federal level. We ignore the one law on the federal level that terrorism is a crime, not a war. The Constitution is clear…violent crime is not the purview of the federal government. States have laws against murder, robbery, etc. Nationalization of law enforcement…100,000 federal agents carry guns. Problem isn’t lack of laws.
Pam Bondi seems pissed off when she asks about 9/11.
Ron Paul: What we have been told for 10 years is that they came here to kill us because we’re free and prosperous, and if we don’t understand their motivations we will never be safe.
Q: Liberals say the Republican approach to the economy means dirty air, etc. How do you counter that?
Ron Paul: The problem with federal regulations is that bankers write the bank regulations. Drug companies write the drug regulations. The free market is the best regulator, along with property rights. Enron was taken care of by free market and judiciary. Bad actors went to prison.
All federal government health care mandates are unconstitutional.
Can’t get rid of Medicare, etc., overnight. To save the country we have to cut. Would cut 5 departments, go back to 2006 budget. Ron Paul’s program allows people under 25 to opt out of Social Security. There’s no authority for the federal government to spend a penny on education.
He talks about his transition programs to get out of unconstitutional programs like Social Security, Medicare, etc.
Q: Of the Federal government, state government and People, which should have the most rights?
- The People
- The States
- Federal government (shouldn’t have much)
- International governments (should have least)
Q: Which amendments to the Constitution do you disagree with?
Prohibition – caused a lot of damage until it was repealed
Ron Paul: more concerned with not following the Constitution…doesn’t get too riled up about the current amendments (the Bill of Rights were amendments and they were pretty good.)
W: What one book should every American read?
Ron Paul: If you’re asking about a non-religious book, read “The Law” by Bastiat. Find out the moral principles behind the law. Find out why if stealing is wrong, and you can’t steal, then it’s not right to send a politician to steal on your behalf.
Whew. Live blogging is hard work. They all talk a lot faster than I type. I don’t know how Kevin does this.
Mittens Romneycare is up next, and starts by sucking up to the panel.
I want to like the man. I do. But I just don’t believe a single word that comes out of his mouth.
Now he’s talking about the wonders of Romneycare again.
Pam points out flip-flopping on education re No Child Left Behind. He talks about controlling federal teachers unions (I think he means national). Education should be at local level. Would he support school lunch programs, Pell grants, GI bill?
He waffles, does not commit. Says let the states do it.
Q: What does strict constructionist mean to you?
Like people who recognized it is their job to examine the constitution and federal laws as written.
Q: Given federal government’s complete failure to secure borders, what should Florida do?
He says he vetoed in-state tuition for illegals, and driver licenses for illegals.
Q: Federal role in labor laws?
A: Would not get rid of all federal labor laws. States should have right-to-work laws.
Yeah…turns out I’m pretty lame when it comes to live blogging.
Final statements….look for them on YouTube tomorrow…family calls again.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
CNN’s lead political anchor Wolf Blitzer will be moderating tonight’s GOP Candidates Debate from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. (ET), broadcast live from Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C.
The debate is presented by CNN, The Heritage Foundation and the American Enterprise Institute (AEI), and will focus on national security, foreign policy and the economy.
In addition to Blitzer, Foreign policy experts from AEI and The Heritage Foundation will pose questions to the candidates. Candidates invited to participate are:
- Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann
- Businessman Herman Cain
- Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich
- Former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman
- Texas Rep. Dr. Ron Paul
- Texas Gov. Rick Perry
- Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney
- Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum
Candidates shut out of the debate were Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson, Former Governor of Louisiana Buddy Roemer, and these other declared candidates: Political Consultant & Gay Rights Activist Fred Karger, Andy Martin , Flight Attendant Tom Miller, Jimmy McMillan, Matt Snyder, and Businessman Vern Wuensche.
More details from NewsOnNews.com:
Live coverage from DAR Constitution Hall will begin the day before the debate, on Monday, Nov. 21, and continue through the post-debate programming on the evening of Tuesday, Nov. 22 to include anchors Wolf Blitzer, John King and Erin Burnett. CNN political analysts and contributors Paul Begala, Gloria Borger, Donna Brazile, David Frum, David Gergen, Ari Fleischer, and Dana Loesch will participate in coverage from the nation’s capital.
That is one incredible assortment of Leftists. I wonder what questions our friends at CNN will cook up for the candidates? I can’t wait to see what our mole is able to scrounge up for us.
UPDATE: A few observations…I can’t transcribe the debate, so I’m just going to jot some notes.
Newt Gingrich just got booed. Bizarre. Polite applause for everyone. Ron Paul may have had a bit more enthusiasm…but in general, this is going to be a Cocktail Party GOP crowd (it was invitation-only.)
8:32 p.m. I’m working late tonight and can only listen in with one ear. I’m disappointed that so many of these candidates are willing to shred the Bill of Rights. It’s chilling that so many of them think it’s fine that Barack Obama can, by himself, order the assassination of American citizens.
I think it’s an important discussion, of course. But foreign policy and national security will be something of a moot point once China calls our note and the economy collapses.
It’s (surprise) turning into the Mittens Romneycare and Jon Huntsman show. And what’s weird is that Huntsman is parroting Ron Paul’s positions. HMMMM.
Rick Santorum just looked into the camera and said, “I agree with Ron Paul.” I expect that he was anticipating some cheers from the Ron Paul folks…there was awkward polite clapping, because we Ron Paul folks are not so easily played. Awkward.
And as usual…mentioning Mittens gets Mittens a free 5-minute speech; mentioning Ron Paul gets you…uhm, thrown to a commercial break.
Please feel free to comment on the debate. I will have to watch the rest on replay…I have to get back to work. Unlike the Occupoopers, I don’t think anyone owes me a living.
As the media bias commentator here on HillBuzz, I try to help voters understand how media bias works, how to recognize it, and how to tell if your opinions actually belong to you, or if you’re just repeating a meme planted in your head by the Democrat-Controlled Media.
I tend to use the Ron Paul campaign coverage to illustrate this, because bias against his campaign is the most obvious. (Ron Paul is third in fundraising, has won more straw polls than all other GOP candidates, #1 in donations from active duty military, and is polling #2 in Iowa and New Hampshire, and yet, is dead last in media coverage.)
There are two broad categories of media bias: sins of commission and sins of omission. Both are equally effective, but they’re used differently against different GOP candidates.
If a candidate’s closet is stuffed full of skeletons, or even just rumors of skeletons, the Democrat-Controlled Media will go over those skeletons with a microscope, and blast “news” of those skeletons into the ears of GOP voters with bullhorns 24/7 (See Herman Cain).
If a candidate is skeleton-free, and has a powerful message, the Democrat-Controlled Media simply pretends they don’t exist (see Michelle Bachmann, Ron Paul and Gary Johnson.)
The most recent example of this kind of exclusionary bias was delivered to us via CBS “News” last week. As has been widely reported, Ron Paul was asked only one question, and got only 89 seconds of airtime, during the one-hour televised portion of the debate. Michelle Bachmann received several more questions, but was rudely cut off during several answers, whereas other candidates (Mitt Romney, Rick Perry) were allowed to speak as long as they cared to. And Gary Johnson was excluded from the debate altogether, despite polling numbers that are similar to those of Rick Santorum, who was included.
This obvious bias has inspired Gary Johnson’s presidential campaign to file official complaints with both the Federal Election Commission (FEC) and the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). His complaint styles the CBS debate as an “illegal campaign contribution”–essentially, an under-the-table in-kind donation to the candidates who were included in the debate and got the most air time. As reported on TheHill.com,
Johnson’s complaint charges that debate sponsor CBS significantly contributed to the candidates who were allowed to participate in the debate, “directly and significantly supporting those candidates it favors, and advocating the nomination of one of their favorites and opposing the nomination of [Johnson], whom CBS evidently disfavors.” […]
Saturday’s debate, co-hosted by CBS and National Journal, was the first debate to air on broadcast television. According to Johnson’s complaint, “the public owns the airways over which CBS broadcasts, and the public deserves to be free from bias — favoring some candidates over others — as well as illegal support of certain presidential candidates on national network television.”
Given the fact that CBS “News” Political Director John Dickerson knew in advance that Michelle Bachmann wouldn’t get many questions, it does tend to confirm Gary Johnson’s charge that the CBS debate was stage-managed to favor certain candidates over others.
This is just the latest and most obvious effort by the Democrat-Controlled Media to nominate Mitt Romney. As CNN’s Howard Kurtz notes in this segment after the Iowa Straw Poll, “We are in the business of kicking candidates out of the race.”
The Democrat-Controlled-Media’s bias against GOP candidates who can beat Barack Hussein Obama is getting more apparent every day.
The most blatant recent example was the CBS/National Journal debate in South Carolina, where GOP Frontrunner Ron Paul was allowed to speak for only 89 seconds during the televised hour of the debate, receiving just one question. And Michelle Bachmann’s campaign was inadvertently copied on an email from CBS “News” prior to the debate, in which CBS “News” Political Director John Dickerson admitted that Michelle Bachmann “is not going to get many questions” in the debate (though she did get far more time than GOP Frontrunner Ron Paul).
This effort at media manipulation was so transparent that it became a story unto itself. The best exposé was probably this editorial in the New York Sun.
“A controversy has erupted over the fact that in the CBS debate on foreign policy Congressman Ron Paul got only 90 seconds….We’re not with Dr. Paul on all of his liberty campaign; as a general matter, he’s far too loath to levy the war on terror. But we have covered him on and off for more than 30 years and have come, even when we disagree with him, to respect him, particularly for his tendency to reach deep into the Constitution. He has done this on foreign policy in several important ways, starting with a bill he introduced in Congress within days of the outbreak of the war that erupted on September 11, 2001.
The bill was the first bid in generations to unleash one of the most important of the constitutional war powers, the letter of marque and reprisal, which is an instrument for bringing private parties into the war. The thinking that went into Dr. Paul’s bill deserves a hearing in any debate in which the GOP contenders are going to be grilled on foreign policy….”
The media blackout was even the topic of discussion the next morning on Fox News:
In an appearance with Greta van Susteren on Fox News, GOP Frontrunner Sarah Palin notes that Ron Paul, Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum have all been the subject of media blackouts. And she also encourages GOP Frontrunner Ron Paul to keep educating Americans about economic issues:
I have a fantasy that involves Sarah Palin running as Ron Paul’s VP…because the Democrat-Controlled media would tear itself apart in an effort to destroy the ticket.
On the one hand, the Democrat-Controlled Media’s strategy to marginalize Ron Paul’s campaign demands that they downplay the huge crowds he draws at events, the fact that GOP Frontrunner Ron Paul is polling in the top 2 in Iowa and New Hampshire, the constant wins at straw polls, the fact that he’s #3 in fundraising among GOP candidates, and the #1 recipient of donations from active duty military.
However, we all know that the Democrat-Controlled Media is obsessively fascinated with Sarah Palin (remember the bus tour?), and is bent on destroying her. How could they give Sarah Palin enough coverage to destroy her, on the one hand, while simultaneously maintaining radio silence about the top of the ticket on the other?
The more I think about it, the more I love the idea of a Ron Paul/Sarah Palin ticket…
With all the trouble with had with the site being inaccessible today, our mole at CBS didn’t get the questions to us until moments ago.
Moderator: As you all know, this debate will focus on foreign policy. So our purpose here today is to give the Democrat National Committee the damning sound bytes they need from Mitt Romney to make our very wise president, Barack Obama, look like a foreign policy genius in the commercials next year. Because I’m sure we can all agree, with the economy in shambles, the President’s personal killing of Moammar Ghaddafi and Osama bin Laden are the only bright spots in his tenure thus far.
So with that in mind, please answer the following questions in detail, in 15 seconds or less. You’ll have 15 seconds for rebuttals, unless you’re Michelle Bachmann, in which case we’ll cut you off after 10 seconds, or Ron Paul, whom we intend to ignore until after Rick Perry has made his his brain freeze gaffe du jour, or until the last 10 minutes, whichever is later.
And as usual, Mitt Romney may speak as long as he chooses, as the Frontrunner Handpicked By Us Presumptive GOP Nominee.
Michelle Bachmann: Is it true you can see Russia from your house? And, as a follow-up, isn’t it true that our friends in the Muslim world would see the election of a woman as a provocation, and isn’t that reason enough for you to drop out of the race?
Rick Perry: If a train leaves Islamabad at 3:45 a.m., traveling west at 55 kilometers per hour…Mr. Perry? Please wake up, Mr. Perry. We have to maintain the illusion that you’re top tier. Mr. Perry?
Mitt Romney: Is there anything you need from us? To whom should we be most dismissive? Did you get the box of Cuban cigars we dropped off in your dressing room? Fidel autographed them for you. Excellent…and the champagne? Was it bubbly enough for you? How about the caviar. Did you get the caviar? We got the beluga, as you requested. So, Mr. Romney…you look extra presidential tonight. Please share with us, in detail, the foreign policy failings of each one of your GOP opponents. Take all the time you need.
Jon Huntsman: You were appointed ambassador to China, our biggest creditor, by the president who has run up the USA’s largest national debt. Where do you get your suits tailored? Can you tell us how to say “sucker” in Chinese?
Rick Santorum: Frankly, you have no chance of winning.
Newt Gingrich: How would you build alliances with our allies, given the fact that you gave your wife cancer and then murdered her?
Herman Cain: Counting from 12:01 a.m. this morning, how long has it been since you forced yourself on a blonde white woman?
Ron Paul: You insist on repeating the findings of the 9/11 Commission, in which they say that terrorist attacks on the U.S. are “blowback” for decades of U.S. meddling in the internal affairs of Muslim nations in the Middle East, such as the 1953 coup in Iran, in which the CIA helped overthrow Iran’s democratically-elected prime minister and install the Shah of Iran. Isn’t it true, Mr. Paul, that despite getting more campaign donations from active duty military than all other candidates put together, you actually hate America and secretly root for the terrorists? Hold that thought…we’re out of time.
Yes, we have a mole at CNBC, and she managed to sneak a peek at an advance copy of tonight’s debate questions. (Check out the Debate Live Blog thread here.)
Here’s what our mole was able to memorize and send in:
Herman Cain: “As you know, Mr. Cain, CNBC is a financial news network, and tonight’s debate is focused on economic issues. You have decades of experience in the business world creating jobs and turning around failing companies. How did you find time to develop your 9-9-9 Plan in between your horrific and brutal repeated sexual assaults, sexual harassment, rapes, tortures, dismemberments and murders of blonde white women, young boys, and barnyard animals? Do you regret not killing more of your victims? Do you want to kill me now? Is my life in danger? Help! Police!”
Jon Huntsman: “Mr. Huntsman, the Obama Administration appointed you Ambassador to China, and you speak fluent Mandarin. I, for one, think you’re extremely reasonable, intelligent and moderate, for a Republican. What will you do, as President, to continue the Obama Administration’s trade policies and ensure that secret U.S. defense technology continues to flow to China so they keep buying our T-Bills?”
Rick Perry: “Did you get the 5-Hour Energy Drink we sent to your dressing room? What about the Red Bull? Like the rest of the mainstream media, we’ve given you far more news coverage than all the other candidates in the race, and we declared you the “Frontrunner” within moments of your announcing your candidacy. Why isn’t it working? Why aren’t you higher in the polls? What else can we do? It’s making us look bad that you’re behind GINGRICH, for God’s sake! WAKE UP! We’re trying to get you nominated!”
Herman Cain: “Have you sexually harassed any other women in the past few minutes? Would you sexually harass Michelle Bachmann? Or do you only go for blonde white women?”
Ron Paul: “You’re more of an expert in economics, monetary policy, and the Federal Reserve than anyone onstage. So we’re going to ask you about foreign policy. You’re one of only two veterans onstage tonight. You want the U.S. to stop policing the world and involving U.S. troops in foreign civil wars. In short, you want to bring home the troops. You get more campaign contributions from members of the military than all other candidates combined, including our gifted and articulate president, Mr. Barack Obama, who I met at the Correspondents Dinner last year, and frankly, he couldn’t have been nicer. He even signed an autograph for me. Apparently, the top three donors to your campaign are members of the U.S. Air Force, U.S. Army, and U.S. Navy. Do you think this is because active duty military are lazy, or is it because they are cowards?”
Herman Cain: “We’re getting reports that a sixth anonymous woman who lives in David Axelrod’s apartment building and works for the Obama Administration has made vague and unsubstantiated claims about something you may have done or said that may have made her feel uncomfortable between 13 and 27 years ago. What are the details of this allegation? Don’t you agree, it’s the seriousness of the charge that is important?”
Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum: “Let’s be honest. This debate is about the economy, but frankly, we know all you GOP kooks agree that taxes are too high, business is over-regulated, and the government is broke. So we’re going to talk about social issues, because we know that’s the only thing that can alienate the libertarians. Since this is the only time we’re going to call on either of you, please take a minute to remind America how you would each imprison pregnant women to keep them from having abortions, and detail your plans to round up and kill all the gays.”
Newt Gingrich: “Despite our best efforts, you appear to be rising in the polls at the expense of one of our hand-picked candidates, Rick Perry. So we’d like to take a moment to remind the voters that you’re a cruel, heartless bastard who gave his wife cancer, put her in the hospital, had an affair with all of the nurses on duty in her hospital bed in front of her, bribed the surgeon to sew divorce papers into her body, then killed her and brought her back to life so you could kill her again, in front of your children. And it looks like we don’t have time for a response, so let’s move on to the only candidate in the field who looks Presidential, Mitt Romney, the celebrated and wise former governor of that thriving beacon of economic success, Massachusetts.
Mitt Romney: “First, Mr. Romney, I’d like to apologize for interrupting your campaign speech with short outbursts from these other so-called candidates. It won’t happen again. And thank you for sending over that autographed copy of your book with that “special bookmark.” Please take as much time as you need in the next hour to personally attack any other Republican candidate. Except Ron Paul, of course, because then the news stories would have to include the words ‘Ron Paul,’ and our destruction of his campaign depends upon us keeping his plans to save America a secret.
Here’s a very serious question for you, Mr. Romney. When the Herman Cain campaign blamed the campaign of your rival Rick Perry to giving us the story of his decades of horrific rapes and serial murders of defenseless blonde white women, were you satisfied with how quickly we got the word out? Is there anything else we can do to keep this story alive?
We’ve suppressed coverage of New Mexico governor Gary Johnson, just as you asked.
So, did you get the fruit basket we left in your dressing room? Is the lighting good for you? Would you like us to move the other candidates further off to the side?”