5 Problems with Generation X Attachment Parenting
The topic of mothering is fraught with danger.
I do not claim to know anything other than what I’ve experienced. Each child is different from the next and requires a unique approach. This makes a mother’s job much like guessing how many jellybeans sit in a jar.
There’s no guarantee of reward for your efforts. Further, any criticism stings like a knife in the heart — one of the most difficult parts of motherhood. Anyone with a disapproving mother-in-law or even a stranger on a mommy chat board can relate. It is not the intention, therefore, of this article to pick on mothers and their choices (especially methods that work for them) but to ask the beleaguered and exhausted, much like Dr. Phil would, “how’s it workin’ out for ya?”
Like shoes, methods for raising kids come in and out of fashion and each generation adopts its own style. Mine, Generation X, has embraced Attachment Parenting with engaged mothers (a record number stay at home) hyper-focused on positive discipline, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, nursing, and many other child-centered theories. I’ve practiced many of the Attachment Parenting principles and find most of them wonderful. However, certain aspects of this child-rearing philosophy are not always good for families and can result in unhappy moms, too much mommy-guilt and stress, not enough sleep, and husband-neglect. (All of which I am guilty.) The following are some of the roadblocks that keep me from completely embracing my generation’s idea of good parenting.
First, did you grow another appendage or is that a baby under your shirt?
© 2012, Megan Fox. All rights reserved.
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Megan –
You’re probably going to take all kinds of heat for your column so I want to jump in first and give you a hearty “Well done!”
Somewhere along the line in the last couple of decades we lost the ability to understand the difference between being a parent and being a “buddy”. There is no longer a concept of discipline, delayed gratification or constructive criticism. All of these are attributes of successful, productive adults but it doesn’t just happen out of the blue! It is a parents’ job to TEACH and model positive behaviors.
I am so glad that I didn’t know enough to follow the current fads when I was raising my sons. They both slept in their cribs from the time they came home from the hospital. The got their fingers smacked if they grabbed at things they had been told not to touch and I even had the audacity to bite my younger son (gently) when he wouldn’t stop biting his brother. Cured that problem and he seems quite fine today! Then I really went over the line and decided to homeschool them and I used RED pens to correct their papers – oh, the horrors!
Now, I am thankful to say, I have two great young men – both in college, working to pay their way through while also getting involved in politics, mission trips, volunteer work, etc. One plans to go Marine Corps OCS when he graduates and the other wants to be an English teacher.
And, you are absolutely correct – the instruction manual was written a long time ago and it’s still the best thing out there! Blessings to you and all of the moms and dads out there doing the hard stuff that will pay off for all of us in the long run!
Quite an insightful article, thank you.
I read, “The Baby Whisperer” before my first child was born more than 11 years ago. I found it to be very helpful. I slept fairly well, with the help of my husband, and my children were all very calm and are still very good sleepers and eaters. We followed the EASY guideline and we liked it.
What we most gained from the book, however, was the fact that whatever I did with them as newborns and babies, is what they would expect when they get older. Wakling in the hall holding and singing to them at all hours of the night when they’re brand new is what you’ll be doing when they’re three…and they will be much heavier.
Also, do not overstimulate a newborn. I see many new parents who do that. Newborns do not need all of the brightly colored “toys”, rattles and noisemakers shoved in their faces. Staring at the wall or a chair is more than enough stimulation for them since they have never seen a wall or a chair before. To us, walls and chairs are ordinary, but to babies, they’re brand spanking new.
Megan, I saw this article on PJ Media and I loved it. Your advice is very common-sense and scriptural. Bravo! and thanks for telling it like it is.
Sometimes I’m glad I’m just old enough to have missed this nonsense; my parents were young Baby Boomers and I’m either one of the youngest of Gen X or the oldest of Gen Y depending on whose numbers you go by. We still got punished when we really screwed up, and were expected to do our own homework and if I threw a tantrum I got shipped off to Occupy Ryan’s Room, sans dessert. And… as much as I still kind of hate to admit it, I’m grateful for it, because it makes being an adult easier. The behavior of some of today’s kids and pre-teens (and teenagers, and young adults) in the store where I work shocks me, and their parents just laugh, or plead with the kids not to scream and yell and throw things. My dad would have given me a swat on the behind and that would have been the end of it.
I don’t have kids of my own so I don’t want to act like I know everything – I don’t, and I’m sure I’d make some mistakes. But you don’t have to be a professional chef to recognize a truly crappy meal, either.
My little brother is a lot more responsible than most of his peers (class of 2012). Some of it’s personality, but a good chunk of that is parenting, too. Our parents did get more permissive from the early 80s to the mid 90s, but there were still some rules to follow, from older parents who were too busy to let every second of their lives revolve around his whims when they were really just whims and not needs, and he had a big brother and two big sisters to call him out if he was a super-brat. Now he’s someone I would trust to hire, even if we weren’t related. I can’t say the same for the majority of his classmates.