Archive for October, 2010
Another Halloween Miracle: An Altar Boy Became A Boy Scout
I’m writing this from my phone, so I hope the usual Spelling/Grammar/Proofreading police who write in every day to note “on page three, paragraph four, line two, you clearly meant to say [[ blank ]] but typed [[ blink ]] instead and I just can not keep reading you until you get a proofreader” will cut me some slack, because this little anecdote really made me smile.
I’m out in the field here in Boystown passing out more of our palm cards to ask voters to think about WHY they keep voting for Democrats when Democrats do nothing that benefits them. In particular, I want to keep asking my fellow gay guys in Boystown what they ever get from voting Democrat. I know these guys complain all the time in bars, at the gym, and in restaurants about how much they hate their jobs, are stressed out, but can’t quit or change gears because living the A-List gay lifestyle is so expensive. These guys need to think about how much of their money is taken in taxes and wasted by Democrats on entitlement programs that never help gay guys. The gAyTM, as it’s called, needs to be shut down to Democrats for good.
Hence, my friends and I are out here campaigning aginst our former party today, while everyone else is out and about having fun in their costumes.
Just a minute ago, I ran into this bartender named Justin who I liked for a time, and who liked me, but that all fizzled a few weeks ago when he told me he was going to be an altar boy for Halloween…and make it sexy.
I was raised Catholic. I was an altar boy. It hurts my heart the gay community relishes making fun of priests, nuns, the pope, and altar boys. Meanwhile, these unoriginal and cliche gay fools would never dream of ridiculing Islam…dressing up as pedophile Muhammad — a man who married a four year old and then invented a “religion” based on his Ted Kaszinsky-grade manifesto — in all his face-depicted glory, being women wrapped up in their burpas abused by the men in their lives, or dressing up as the ghosts of the beheaded gay men Islam has been murdering for centuries because of who they are.
None of that would be hilarious in Boystown, so it’s just not done. But there are forever jackasses dressed up as a drunken Pope, a pregnant nun, or a sex-object altar boy.
Probably because Catholics don’t murder people for ridiculing their religion the way Muslims do. So, gays feel safe in trashing something I still hold very dear to me, even if I fly solo spiritually these days.
I liked Jusint…until he said he was going to be an altar boy for Halloween. He’s still a nice guy. I like talking to him when he’s at work. But, he’s just a “bar friend”. He’ll never be upgraded to an actual, let’s hang out, I like having you around friend. He sure as heck isn’t a guy I want to date.
I just don’t want to be with someone who thinks making fun of Christians is acceptable when he would never do the same to Islam…or Hinduism, Buddhism, Flying Spaghetti Monster-ism.
So, when he told me the “altar boy” costume idea I told Justin that was a very disappointing choice for him…since he seems like such a smart and creative guy…and since he went to architecture school (but can’t find a job in his field, so he’s bartending, thanks to the Obamaconomy)..and all he could come up with was this?
I told him it was so cliche to make fun of Christians. I didn’t harp on him that this was WRONG, because gay guys usually don’t care about things being wrong if they are aimed at Catholics…but instead I went with the route of “Gee, that’s really lame. You should come up with something better than that”.
He’s a very boyish 30-year-old with a young looking face, so I told him he should maybe dress up as a boy scout…making little merit badges…have khaki shorts and a neckerchief…and that if he did this everyone would love his costume and give him lots of positive attention.
Well, wouldn’t you know it…this worked because Justin passed right by me on this way into work…dressed up as a boy scout (albeit one wearing tight little black shorts and a shirt unbuttoned to expose as much chest as possible…not that I’m complaining, at all, in this case because Justin is adorable).
The lesson I learned from this Justin business is that to get through to people you need to couch your argument in terms they will relate to.
To get through to people, you need to be creative strategically.
It would have never worked to go on and on to Justin about WHY it’s wrong to dress up and make fun of Catholics. He would not care. He also would not get the argument that it’s wrong to attack Christians when the same is never done to Islam. He just wouldn’t care.
BUT, when I told Justin his altar boy idea was unoriginal and would be mostly ignored because it’s been done so many times before…he decided to opt out of that and go with something that would gain him more positive attention.
Since he’s a guy who wears tank tops even in winter and cuts the sleeves off all his tees so he can invite everyone to a gun show wherever he goes, all year round, appealing to his vanity and need for attention was the key to getting him to not be the altar boy.
We all need to remember this when trying to get people who have been lifelong unquestioning Democrat voters to stop supporting the Left. Telling them they are wrong won’t work. Screaming and harping at them won’t work.
But, getting them to think about what they are doing and why they do it is the key. Lead them to the boy scout costume, but don’t buy it for them and force it onto their bodies. Let them dress themselves, even if you picked out the clothes that work best for them.
And not just for Halloween.
GROUND REPORT: Jon Stewart Restoring Sanity Rally, Washington DC
Dear HillBuzz,
Today I went in to DC to volunteer to work for a community event. I did not go to DC for the rally, but my volunteer work ended up taking me to the area around the rally. Today was a busy event day in DC – the Stewart/Colbert rally, the Marine Corps Marathon (which is being run tomorrow) and the Washington International Horse Show.
I exited the Metro Center to meet my group for orientation just as the rally was breaking up. The first thing that I noticed was how loud and rude most of the participants leaving the rally were. The only way I can describe it is to state there was an atmosphere of imperial smugness in the air. Lots of people wearing Ivy league T-shirts and caps (Princeton, Harvard, Rutgers, etc) and T-shirts stating “Educated, Not Ignorant” (ha-ha, take THAT peasants!)
It's happened: unflattering Michelle Antoinette costumes appearing in Chicago for Halloween
I didn’t get a shot of it, though I tried, but last night I saw two black women dressed up as Michelle Obama. The bar was just too dark for the picture to come out. I’m going to try again tonight, and keep watch during the Halloween Parade here in Boystown…to get a picture of them (as I assume they, or others, will wear those costumes again tonight).
The women had on Supremes-style wigs, like the fancier wigs that Michelle Antoinette wears for special occasions.
They each had on ugly floral print dresses with giant Klingon war belts.
They had all sorts of bling on and when they walked through the bar, they pushed and shoved people and told them to “Make way! Make way! First Ladies coming through!”.
It was wonderful.
They may very well have been black men in drag. Who still looked and behaved more lady-like than our actual First Spouse.
I told you before that one of the signs the Obamas would be in real trouble would be if either drag queens started doing Michelle Antoinette in their acts or if people felt comfortable enough to dress up as Michelle at Halloween and lampoon her behavior.
That Spain trip she took seems to be what did it.
Before that, none of the terrible things she said or did registered with the public at large, because people seemed afraid to be called RAAACISTS! for criticizing her. Meanwhile, all that false praise was lumped on the woman by the media, where she was put on a pedestal and called “the world’s greatest fashion icon”. That overboard, extreme, sycophancy does not sit well with people. It was only a matter of time before people started caricaturizing her and laughing at her bad behavior.
The spell is broken folks.
People are no longer afraid of criticizing the Obamas.
Michelle Antoinette, portrayed as an entitled, lavishly-spending, pushy and out of touch diva, is fair game it seems.
I’m sure the White House doesn’t realize it, but this is a major milestone in the Obama presidency. The First Spouse has behaved so badly, spent so much money, and repulsed so many people with her over the top antics that the media-enforced, white-guilt-based, embargo on ridiculing the Obamas has now been lifted.
It started with two black women (or possibly drag queens) in Boystown last night…but who knows where it will end.
Woman killed at Palmer House Chicago Halloween Party
Last night a woman tried to slide down the railing of one of the big staircases at the Palmer House Chicago and plunged to her death four stories below.
I have friends that were there when it happened, as the Palmer House party is one of the big Halloween events for straight people here in Chicago.
The girl was dressed up like a superhero, was very drunk, and had been jumping around, doing karate kicks, and getting into her part. She apparently felt invincible enough to get up on the railing and try to slide down using her Halloween powers.
It’s a tragedy, and I feel for her family, but I have to tell you that I see drunk people act like idiots almost every night. Living in Boystown and covering the gay Chicago scene means that I get to see both the professional and the amateur hour drunks in action. The bar regulars know their limits: 3, maybe 4, drinks in a night, with just one or two shots, and they are done. Anything more than that and they act like fools.
The amateur hour drunks are the ones who come out on nights like Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, New Year’s Eve, etc. They don’t drink on a regular basis, are usually from the suburbs, and watched Ferris Bueller, Adventures in Babysitting, and Risky Business too many times so they believe they need to cram cinematic-grade adventures into their “big night out in Chicago”.
Some of you might not like to hear this, but straight women, on these “big nights out”, are a lot of times terrors to deal with. A lot of nights here in Boystown, I’ve seen these girls running through traffic, laughing, not paying any attention to where they are going. They whirl and twirl around, not looking for cars, reveling in the moment of being a princess in a neon kingdom surrounded by hot guys who are respectful and kind to them (ie, not physically interested in them at all…because we’re all gay). That feeling, for some of these girls, is more intoxicating than all the booze they over-drink.
I just want to take this opportunity, since a lot of people will be out drinking tonight, and a great many of them will be amateur hour drinkers, to let you know that you can, indeed, have an excellent time just about anywhere without drinking a lot of alcohol.
Do you really need to have four beers? Why can’t you stretch two beers out over an evening?
One day in the spring I just stopped drinking almost entirely. I wanted to cut out the empty calories to get ready for summer — because I live in the most judgmental community in a judgmental image-conscious city — and I honestly have never missed drinking. I have a beer, maybe two, when I go out…and sometimes I just drink orange or cranberry juice and people just assume it’s some mixed drink, and not virgin (ironically enough, probably the only “virgin” anything in most places I go in Boystown).
Another trick I pull is drinking Guinness in the bottle. It’s opaque glass so no one can tell how much I have left. If it’s something like Halloween or New Year’s and everyone is out drinking and living it up, and I don’t want to have any more alcohol, I just keep carrying around that empty Guinness bottle and everyone thinks it’s full. If people are buying another round and insisting I join them, I just tell them “No thanks, I just got this one!” and they leave me be.
Never, ever do the rounds of shots proferred. Once you start, you get sucked into doing more, and then all of a sudden they just pound you into the ground. Don’t let that happen to yourselves.
I want everyone to go out and have fun tonight, and every night, but I don’t want you to hurt or make assess of yourselves. Moderation is a wonderful thing. If you’re someone who succumbs to peer pressure to drink more than you should — use my Guinness bottle trick so you can fake them out and stay as sober as you want without feeling compulsion to drink because friends think they are being nice and want to keep buying you rounds.
If you know yourself, and realize the idea of you going out on Halloween and NOT drinking like Liza Minnelli is ridiculous, then at least load up on bread or Saltines about thirty minutes before you hit the bars. This way, there’s something in your stomach, and all those carbs will help soak up the alcohol…and also make you feel full so that your body can’t drink as much as maybe your impulses want you to.
It’s a weird thing to have to say, but in light of what happened last night I also want to add that if you are going to be dressed up as a superhero tonight, you need to remember that you really don’t have secret powers. This is not the Halloween episode of Buffy where everyone turned into their costumes, and Willow became a real ghost, Buffy became an 18th Century vapid belle, and Xander turned into Mr. Army Commando Guy.
You can’t surf down railings like in the movies, no matter how many beers you have — especially when I’d love it if you’d have just one or two beers and keep yourselves safe instead of going so nuts tonight you rob yourself of your tomorrow.
What happened last night was a cautionary tale I hope you share with everyone you know going to parties tonight…so we can hopefully stop this from happening somewhere else too.
INDIANA GROUND REPORT
CALIFORNIA GROUND REPORT
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Do you live in South Carolina? If so, delurk and help us start getting a handle on the state
The next two days are going to be nonstop busy for us — and most people in the political world — but we want to start meeting people who live in South Carolina who could potentially help us with the mystery of why so many people seem to think things Obama did in the leadup to the 2008 South Carolina Democrat primary will be the end of his presidency…and could even put him in prison.
Apparently, this is all centered around rural South Carolina.
We know almost nothing about the state and need to make allies on the ground there…people who could write regular reports on the politics of the state for us, and who could also become friends who’d help us identify people to interview who would know scoop on the 2008 Democrat primaries in particular.
We’re going all-in on this mystery…but we need help. We just don’t, currently, have many South Carolina connections. We need introductions to the people who have the information we need. We have to find good sources in the state.
Through six degrees of separation, we know that all of you reading this could in some way direct us to people and information in South Carolina that would blow this mystery wide-open.
So, keep chiming in on these threads about South Carolina to tell us what you know about the state…and email us personal introductions if you are someone who wants to help, and could be an anonymous and protected source for us in our investigation.
We’re willing to take all the heat for digging into things we were told specifically not to dig into…but we can’t dig very far without your intel.
So, help us get started: HillBuzz@gmail.com
