Archive for April, 2010
One of the more bizarre things we got dragged into on this site was the whole “Vera Baker, Mystery Woman” episode during the close of the 2008 general election campaign.
The GOP was convinced that Vera Baker, a former campaign fundraiser for Obama’s Senate race, had an affair with Obama and was then sent to Martinique to hide out during the election. Reportedly, Michelle Obama was so jealous of Baker that she “wanted to scratch her eyes out”, which is something she said about President Clinton as well. Michelle wants to scratch all sorts of people’s eyes out, none of whom have had an affair with Dr. Utopia.
AND, as Desiree Rogers proved, Michelle doesn’t have to think a woman is having an affair with anyone to start hating her and push her out. If a woman is prettier than her, she does not want that woman around. Rogers and Baker are both far prettier (and nicer) than the current First Lady. You do the math.
Because we’re in Chicago, and know a lot of the people that were involved in the Obama Senate campaign, especially the fundraising side, we were asked to look into Baker, find pictures of her, and try to establish the fact that she did indeed have an affair with Obama.
We never believed Obama had an affair with a woman, because Obama does not appear to like women.
As American Standard recently wondered, there are no former girlfriends, either on the scene or noted in any of the books William Ayers or Jon Favreau wrote for Obama. No high school girlfriends. No college sweethearts. But, there sure are plenty of men he’s spent an odd amount of time with.
Baker was a red herring in the campaign — but it was strange she disappeared to Martinique. We have no idea what she was doing down there, but she’s one of the top fundraisers for black political candidates in the world. She’s smart, she’s the best there is in her field, and she’s actually a very nice lady.
In the spring of 2009, one of us accidentally had lunch with Baker, at a little sandwich shop in Bronzeville called Munchie’s. We were there to brainstorm fundraising and visibility ideas for a black candidate we like very much — and we had no idea who the woman sitting next to us was. But, we shared a pot roast pizza with her, and at the end of the lunch meeting, everyone exchanged emails and she looked at ours, we looked at hers, and it was like that scene in Batman Returns where Bruce Wayne and Selena Kyle were dancing and realized who each other really was.
“Oh, we need to talk,” is what Baker said.
And, so we did.
We are 100% convinced this wonderful young woman had no romantic relationship with Obama.
Because she is a woman, for one, but also because she’s happily married, and has a darling baby too.
There’s been a huge uptick in searches for “Vera Baker” on Google in the last two days, and we could not figure out why — until we saw that Globe magazine is running the old Obama affair story again. There’s nothing new to report — Globe’s just rehashing the same story from 2008, but now alleging Baker was given a job with Roland Burris as some sort of hush money to keep from talking about an affair with Obama.
Baker works for Burris because she’s damn good at what she does, is incredibly bright, and Baker’s well-connected with Burris’ team in Chicago. And, we repeat, she did not have an affair with Obama
This is all really suspicious, though, because during the campaign we truly believe the Obama team pushed the Baker affair story because they wanted people not to talk about Obama’s gay relationships.
Larry Sinclair, Reggie Jones, Kal Penn, Donald Young, nameless men at Man’s Country. You name it.
Who’s pushing the Baker business now, and why? Is there a himbo eruption coming for the White House, so they want to preemptively start rumors the current president is such a stud he’s bedding down a woman like Baker?
Could this have anything to do with the fact that, surreally, even people like Maureen Dowd have been hinting at a sexual relationship between Obama and his “basketball buddy” and “body man” Reggie Love…or is it linked to Kal Penn’s firing?
Is Penn threatening to talk?
Was he really robbed at gunpoint coincidentally in Dupont Circle, or was someone sending Penn a message not to talk about what went on with Obama?
It wouldn’t be the first time a man romantically linked to this president found himself in front of the business end of the gun.
Curiouser and curiouser.
We can’t wait for the Palins’ first Christmas in the White House.
We hope they get a Siberian husky pup as First Family, so we picture that little guy, Digger, ripping up the wrapping paper under the tree, with Lil’ Trig clapping and laughing and having a blast. Piper’s the dutiful big sister, making sure Trig sees all the beautiful handmade ornaments sent in from crafts-loving Americans coast to coast, but keeping an eye on the little guy so he doesn’t hurt himself on any of the sharp needles from that beautiful blue spruce. Bristol and Willow are serving handmade Palin family recipe Christmas cookies to the staff and members of the public walking through the White House on tours. Todd’s outside on the frozen lawn, repairing snow machines with Track, home from the Army on a Christmas leave.
And our Sarah’s in the Oval Office, signing some holiday pardons, in the spirit of the love and forgiveness at Christmas.
One of the first pardons she signs, we bet, will be the pardon of Obama operative and convicted felon David “Popcorn” Kernell, still in federal prison for his attack on her family and the obstruction of justice he committed, Nixon-style, to protect himself, his Democrat father, and the Obama Administration from facing consequences for their terrible deeds.
The guards come to Popcorn’s cell to tell him the news.
They find him shivering in a corner, crying, his once-lustrous cherubic curls long gone, shaved to the quick in the last lice outbreak in his cellblock. His cellie, Big Lester, is laughing, the way he always laughs when Popcorn gets into one of his crying jags. Three years in lockup, and Popcorn still cries for his mommy and daddy, still whimpers at night “I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home!”.
“Well, Popcorn, it’s your lucky day. Christmas done come early for ya, and Santa gots a pen pal up there in Washington, because the President has pardoned you”.
“I knew Obama would come for me! I knew he would save me! I had hope! This is the change I’ve been waiting for!”.
“No, you dumb cracker fool. Obama ain’t president. That clown got booted a year ago. Lives in Hawaii, now, he does. He does them, what do you call ‘em, MOTIVATIONAL speeches or whatever. No, we got a real president now. And her name is Sarah. Sarah Palin. You know, that woman you attacked and got sent to prison for trying to destroy? Remember that? Try and keep up here, Popcorn. Your mind’s done gone”.
“Why is SHE pardoning ME?”
“‘Cause she’s a Christian woman. She believes in forgiveness. So, this is Christmas, and she’s showing mercy. If I was her, I’d let you rot here with Big Lester forever, but she’s a better person than me. Better president than that clown before her, too, but that’s just plain obvious”.
That guard is right, folks.
Sarah Palin is a better person than most out there. She will indeed be a better president than #44.
And, we think, she will indeed pardon Popcorn in the future…at Christmas in her first year in the White House…and it will make Liberals’ heads explode.
Because, what better way to heal this nation after all the divisiveness and grief of the Obama years than to have a woman in the White House who can forgive even those who personally attacked her, and show them the decency, grace, and love they never showed her?
After signing those pardons, we picture Sarah, dressed sharply in red with a beautiful sparkling green wreath pin on her lapel, walking down the corridor to join her family by the tree, stopping to wish a happy Christmas to everyone she sees working hard in the White House — calling them all by name, and remembering the names of all their spouses, children, and parents too. Piper looks up from playing with Trig and asks her mom what she was doing, and why it took her so long to make it to the tree.
“I was being President, Piper. I was giving some people a second chance to live right, do right, and know that even though they did very bad things, I believe they have the potential to be good deep inside them. No matter how terrible they were to me. So, that’s what I want you to remember this and every Christmas, that this is the birthday of our Lord and the Bible teaches us all to live right and forgive.”
As Piper ponders that, remembering the moment in great detail years later when she’s president herself, and Lil’ Trig continues to light up the room with all the joy and boundless energy within him, the rest of the nation feels at peace knowing we FINALLY have a president who “gets it”, who has compassion and strength and common sense at the ready, and who chooses to use every means available to make Liberals’ heads explode — doing things they would never do, and shaming them in comparison.
That’s our Sarah.
And that Christmas can’t come soon enough, folks.
People who identify as ethnically “Polish” seem to be, largely, Democrat voters.
Today we had an idea for a postcard that should be sent to all of them. It should also be made into posters that can be hung up in ethnically Polish neighborhoods, like those found here in Chicago.
We got the idea from this wonderful image Chrissy the Hyphenated created to show the lengths the White House went to in humiliating the Dalai Lama by throwing him out a side door, after forcing him to take a circuitous route, instead of allowing him to leave by a door that was not stacked high with garbage:
Here’s an image we would love to see made into a postcard to send to ethnic-Polish-identifying Americans:
* a map of how far it is between the White House and the Polish Embassy on 16th street in Washington, DC
* a map of the distance between the White House and the nearest ethnic Polish church in Washington, DC
* a map of the route Obama took from the White House to whatever golf course he chose to spend the day at while the Polish president’s funeral was taking place
Obama’s excuse for not attending the Polish president’s funeral was that “the air was too dusty to fly”.
He claimed Iceland’s volcanic eruption made it impossible for Air Force One, the most sophisticated plane in the world, capable of surviving a direct nuclear blast, was unable to make it across the Atlantic because of dust…so he refused to go to the Polish president’s funeral.
He also refused to attend a memorial service at the Polish Embassy in Washington.
He further refused to find an ethnic Polish church in DC and attend a mass there in remembrance of the Polish president, his first lady, and all his military advisors and staff killed in that horrific plane crash.
Obama played golf instead.
Capturing this in a graphic of some kind, and making it into a postcard, would be a great way to make sure the Polish community in America does not forget this insult to their nation.
This is worth it’s own post, and we wish we had an Ace of Spades Flaming Skull equivalent GIF.
David “Popcorn” Kernell has been convicted on three of four counts, with a mistrial declared on one count. A juror would not vote to convict him of Identify Theft, so the jury remained deadlocked on that one.
More as this develops, but it sure looks like Popcorn’s going to federal prison for at least a few years.
UPDATE: Conflicting reports are coming out: this one from Knoxville says Kernell was acquitted of wire fraud, but found guilt of the obstruction of justice and computer tampering charges, with a mistrial declared on identity theft.
This jives with what we thought the jury was going to do: convict him of two counts, acquit him on two.
But, actually, it looks like one lone juror save Kernell from being convicted of identity theft, since that deadlock is what led to the mistrial on that count.
Can someone research the MINIMUM sentences the judge can issue for the following:
Count three: unlawful computer access
Maximum 5 years in prison
3 years supervised release
Lesser included misdemeanor offense on count 3 carries a maximum of 1 year in prison
Count four: obstruction of justice
Maximum 20 years in prison
5 years supervised release
This is what Kernell was convicted of: felony obstruction of justice and misdemeanor unlawful computer access.
Any lawyers out there who can look up precedent for how much time someone convicted of these two charges is likely to get in prison?
We just realized something: from now on, forever more, it’s CONVICTED FELON David “Popcorn” Kernell.
Just like it’s Mike Kernell, “father of convicted felon David “Popcorn” Kernell”.
Hope the voters of Tennessee remember this when they decide on who their next state rep from Memphis will be.
What if conservatives put up billboards in Arizona, Texas, New Mexico, and Nevada pointing the way to San Francisco for illegal aliens?
When we were kids, we loved the cartoon Jem, about a group of female rock musicians who had a super computer and a Rockin’ Roadster and traveled the world with a purple-haired himbo who was so stupid he could never figure out that Jem and her manager, Jerrica, were the same damn person. Great looking stupid guys are hot.
Also on the show was a man named David Xanthos, who ran the Xanthos Foundation, which secretly funded all sorts of interesting projects Jem and her friends would sometimes involved themselves in. From an ornate library office, stacked floor to ceiling with leather-bound classics, Xanthos dreamed up all manner of elaborate and creative things to do with his money. He was sort of a BizarroWorld George Soros — only instead of working every day to destroy America and tank the world’s economy, Xanthos worked on the side of good.
We’ve always wished Republicans had a Xanthos of their own — someone not just with money, but with creative spark and big brass ones.
Because today a reader sent a comment in that really made us think, as well as long for someone with deep pockets to make this happen in the border states.
What if billboards were put up all through Arizona, Texas, New Mexico, and Nevada pointing the way to San Francisco for all illegal aliens?
These would be written in Spanish so the illegal aliens can read them.
They would also feature plenty of large, colorful pictures for anyone who might be completely illiterate.
Each billboard would be like those signs in the mall that say YOU ARE HERE and direct you to the food court with big arrows and simple directions.
The billboards would depict San Francisco as the greatest utopia on Earth…a sanctuary city where illegals’ dreams all come true, and the Liberals entrenched there welcome all criminals with wide-open arms and faces stained with joyful tears.
Come to San Francisco, lawbreakers.
Come to the Bay Area, anyone who doesn’t believe they have to follow US law.
San Francisco is calling, so bitch, ya’ll best answer da phone.
This would be a fun Photoshop Challenge project, too, because if we can’t ever get these billboards put up, we could at least make posters that people in border states could possibly print up. They could plaster them all over the place in border states, like people did with the Joker posters against Ben Nelson in Nebraska.
“Move to the Sanctuary City of San Francisco” should be a major push…depicting the city as a Candyland for illegal aliens.
Let’s see what Gavin Newsom does then.
Let’s watch as California completely collapses under the weight of all those criminals.
Purge them from Arizona and Texas first, two states with brass ones big enough to start this, then work on Nevada and New Mexico, and drive all these lawbreakers into the den of anarchy that most deserves them…with San Francisco, in particular, being the favored nesting place.
Will the Liberals of San Francisco, from their perch on Knob Hill, be so found of unrestricted illegal immigration and the non-enforcement of existing law when it’s not the border states having to shoulder the burden, but Leftist utopia San Francisco?
Where’s David Xanthos and his eccentric megabucks when you need him?
Obama operative David “Popcorn” Kernell should receive his verdicts today, in the four counts prosecuted against him in Tennessee court the last two weeks.
Yesterday, jurors decided three of the counts, but declined to release a partial verdict while they continued deliberations on the fourth and last remaining count (identify theft).
Today, the jury reconvenes at 9am or so, to being another day of deliberations. Yesterday, the judge allowed friends and observers to remain in the courtroom, indicating the court thought a verdict would be returned before the end of the day. Since it wasn’t, we believe the verdict will come back today. With just that one count left to deliberate on, and the jury seemingly deadlocked by just one juror, we think all matters will be resolved and we’ll hear the Obama operative’s fate some time this afternoon. Probably after lunch. That way, the jury gets more free sammiches.
If you’re following the trial, update this thread with the latest you hear…especially if the verdict indeed comes back today.
We’re rooting for guilty on all counts for this lawbreaker. He should be made an example of. We know he won’t get all 50 years in prison, but he deserves at least 5 or so, with his father losing his seat as Tennessee state rep in the fall as well.
UPDATE: Conflicting reports, but it looks like the jury convicted on obstruction of justice and computer tampering, acquitted on wire fraud, and deadlocked/mistrialed on identity theft.
Who’s dressed better in a rose imitation sailor suit?
Who showcases her, uh, assets with more flare…and more impressive junk in the ca-junk-a-junk-trunk?
If Varla Jean Merman’s outfit was crafted on Project Runway by contestants on a limited budget with not much time, who made Michelle’s ensemble, and what remedial kindergarten does that small child attend? Did they have to miss nap time for this?
Got a candidate for a future “Who’s Dressed Better?” — send pic to HillBuzz@gmail.com
Claire McCaskill's Got Something to Say! "The Best Disinfectant: Putting An End to Secret Holes", By Claire McCaskill
Here’s a letter Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill wrote on Wednesday. In crayon, under her desk, while “Senatoring” all day, in between “sammich breaks”. If you were wondering what stupid thing McCaskill’s been up to, it’s this.
The Best Disinfectant: Putting An End to Secret Holes – by Claire “Bear” McCaskill, Senator and Sammich Eater
Since I arrived in Washington, I’ve been repeatedly astonished by all sorts of things: elevators that go up and down, yellow dogs that say “Bark! Bark! Bark!”, and these little pink envelopes full of white stuff that I put on my sammiches, and then my sammiches taste like candy. It’s magical here. Not like smelly old Missouri, where people are poopy heads and are stupid. They elected me Senator!
The way business is sometimes done around here makes my head hurt. It makes me want pickles! A great example of this is the so-called secret hole that people have been talking about, and then I started tweeting about them talking about it on Twitter, where all my tweets go. Along with my colleagues Mark Warner and Sheldon Whitehouse and my friend Dora from TV, she’s an explorer!, I have been working to end the process of secret holes, which is when senators anonymously dig a hole somewhere and then cover it with a rug or wrapping paper and then wait around the corner for someone to fall in it and then they all laugh. We are sending a letter to both parties’ leadership, currently signed by 42 senators, where I drew pictures of bugs on the letter, because I think bugs are interesting and when I leave my sammiches out under my desk the bugs come to visit me and then I tell them stories. I really liked watching H.R. Puffnstuff when I was littler. That show was fun.
That lady who sits outside my office and tells me not to light matches keeps saying I work for the public and should believe that if a senator wants to block a piece of legislation or a nominee, they owe the public an explanation. I don’t think I owe the public anything, because they were stupid enough to send me here, so that desk is mine now, and it makes a pretty nice fort. It also makes a good spaceship, too, when I pretend I am Claire Picard and I save the world from the Romulans. That lady who’s always mad at me says measures I helped pass as part of sweeping ethics reform legislation in 2007 were designed to clean up Washington and force members to be transparent, but it’s been three years and I still can’t see through them. One time, I went to a children’s museum and there was a transparent lady statue there and I could see her heart and stuff, and her gizzards and stuff and it was gross. Senators Ron Wyden and Chuck Grassley have recently introduced a bill to require me to have adult supervision at all times. I hate those two guys, because they are always hassling me. I would like to eliminate those secret holes, but only after I threw those two in them, and then I would say “See that, I showed you!”.
As of last week, a lot of stuff has happened that I don’t understand, so I keep asking that lady for an explanation and she keeps saying, ‘Senator, for the millionth time, I am not “some lady” or “that lady” or “Mommy”, I am Jane. Jane Putipon, your Chief of Staff, and I’m reminding you that Senators wear underpants every day to the office. Pants or skirts too, and they don’t bring turtles or lunchboxes full of dripping, melted ice cream to the Senate”. Let me be clear about what I mean by stuff I don’t understand: that means anything and everything people say, do, think, writer, tell me, or draw pictures of. Senator Whitehorse and I went to the Senate floor last week and I giggled the whole time because he’s not really a horse, so he was funnin’ with me and being silly. I really wish he was a horse, though, because then I would have rode him up and down the halls and I’d have said, ‘See that dog, you can say Bark! Bark! Bark! all day, but I gots a horse and you ain’t got nothing, you dog”. Republicans keep making fun of me and saying I’m a ridiculous embarrassment to myself and others, but I say they just jealous I can talk to dogs and they can’t!
Next time I write a letter, I’m going to make those Republicans more jealous because I am going to put some stickers on it, and then when they want more stickers, I’m going to tell them I’m all out, but really I have a whole stack under my desk, in my fort. So, that will teach them about those secret holes.
What’s on your mind this Friday?
What are people talking about in your part of the country?
What are your plans for the weekend?
Do you like things that are awesome?
Do you like mashups of two awesome things, resulting in something more awesome than the sum of its awesome parts?
Then, checkout our soldiers in Afghanistan doing a remake of Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” video.
Consider an alternate dimension.
Same Earth, with a relative parallel history, save for the fact that, somehow, George W. Bush is still president today, April 29th, 2010.
On this parallel Earth, a horrific plane crash in Botswana earlier in the month took the lives of many black dignitaries, leaders, and other luminaries. Nelson Mandela, the former president of South Africa, was on board, along with prominent black military figures such as Colin Powell. Aretha Franklin was on the flight, sitting next to Mandela, wearing a giant hat of some kind, with a bow bigger than a propeller. Kanye West was apparently flying the plane, though no one seems to miss him.
Everyone on board — all black — perished in this horrific crash.
When funerals in South Africa were arranged, President Bush decided he didn’t much feel like going — because it was “just some black people that died. No big deal”.
So, the White House made up a cockamamie excuse about “the air being too dusty to fly Air Force One to South Africa”.
The South African embassy in Washington held a service on the day of Mandela’s funeral, and invited the President, since he would still be in Washington that day. Bush declined the invite, and also refused to seek out a South African church somewhere in the nation — accessible by motorcade, in case it was still too dusty to fly — where he could attend a service to pay his respects at a virtual funeral for Mandela.
Instead, Bush went golfing that day.
“Screw ‘em,” was an apparent quote overheard by Henry Gates, in Cambridge, whose practiced hearing can detect slights against blacks hundreds of miles away. Like Oprah hearing a bag of Doritos opened in Texas from her penthouse in Chicago.
Maureen Dowd at the New York Times heard Bush, too, and added an (implied) “boy” to the end of Bush’s remark.
Several weeks later, famous wealthy white person Warren Buffett dies suddenly and receives a high profile funeral.
Not only does Bush attend, but he openly weeps during the service. Laura Bush sits next to him, demure and peaceful in a black dress and pearls.
Somewhere in New York, Al Sharpton grabs a bull horn and rallies his Race Industry troops to launch major protests in every urban enclave Democrats hold — because Bush refused to go to the funeral of prominent blacks killed in that plane crash…and even more insultingly, PLAYED GOLF instead of honoring them…but he cried openly during the funeral of a white person.
Now, nobody here is saying it’s wrong for Obama to cry at a funeral. We actually think more of him seeing what was obviously real emotion. It was 100% appropriate for the President of the United States to attend the funeral of Dorothy Height — who was not only a civil rights icon, but one of the sharpest, sassiest, most interesting women in Democrat politics for decades. She will indeed be missed.
But, clearly, in an alternate universe where Bush would have treated blacks like Mandela the way Obama treated whites like the Polish president…and where Bush would have skipped a black leader’s funeral to play golf…and where Bush would have then cried at a white person’s funeral, after having so glaringly ignored a prominent black’s, the usual Race Industry gang of Al Sharpton/Henry Gates/Jesse Jackson/James Clyburne/John Lewis/Spike Lee/Eric Holder and all the rest would have been having near epileptic fits of apoplectic outrage.
They’d be rolling around in the streets, foaming at the mouth, demanding Bush’s immediate resignation.
“He played golf instead of going to the funeral!”
“He said it was too dusty to fly, my ass!”
“Then he done sat there there, all weepy-eyed, ’cause some white guy died, but he couldn’t go to Mandela’s funeral? NELSON MANDELA. Oh, that’s just cold. That’s racism right there, that’s what that is. Stone cold racism!”
Do you think the Left, and its propaganda arm in the MSM, would have given Bush a pass for this?