Troll Dissection 101 is an ongoing series where we’ll take you through troll droppings we find, and give you our take on what the DNC and Obama propagandists were trying to accomplish with them.

What follows is a comment caught today in spam filters, with our breakdown of the psychology employed in it.  We’d love to say the DNC and Obama propagandists behind these things incorrectly think Americans are so stupid they’ll fall for this stuff, but in reality, a good many people DO fall for this stuff.  The problem, we’ve found, is that Americans in general are just SO NICE.  They are good, honest, decent people who approach the world thinking all those they encounter are good, honest, and decent people too.  That’s why trolls are always “given the benefit of the doubt” and, largely, why people like BigotBasher, Wonk Hussein, Rumproast, Daily Kos, Snarkopolitan, DemocraticUnderground, and others on the Left are allowed to keep doing the things they do to attack people.  Most people who are attacked don’t want to fight back, because fighting back is unpleasant, just as thinking about trolls deliberately trying to trick and demoralize people is unpleasant as well.  It’s truly creepy knowing there is a legion of Obama supporters working always behind the scenes in Psy-Ops to bamboozle the blogosphere, but that’s precisely what’s going on.

TODAY’S TROLL DROPPING:

Listen, I was a DIE hard Hillary supporter too, and I was so mad at the tactics that I did a whole report on Obama supporters. But the fact of the mattter is still that we would be in worse shape with the republicans in office. I am NOT a huge Obama supporter, but I will get behind him and HOPE that he will overturn DOMA. I know he’s thrown gays under teh bus, but what exactly are you trying to do- elect the people who will give you NO chance of equality? Come on.

(1) Listen, I was a DIE hard Hillary supporter too, and I was so mad at the tactics that I did a whole report on Obama supporters.

First and foremost, the troll needs to establish a connection with the site this troll has been assigned to.  So, since this site is HillBuzz, and we are Team Hillary guys, the troll has to pretend he is a Hillary person too.  Think of this as the troll putting on a bad disguise it stole from a garbage can in the alley behind an abandoned costume shop.  ”Tee-hee!  Me find mask. Wear mask, fool peoples. Never know me troll now!  Tee-hee-hee!”.  John Travolta and Tom Cruise are more convincing as heterosexuals than these trolls are as Hillary supporters.

The “all-caps” on the word DIE is really weird.  So many on the Left are emotionally and mentally unstable, that it’s classic for them to slip little, odd things into their droppings that only they think are funny.  We’ve never seen anyone all-caps the letters D-I-E in “diehard” before, and have only seen the word spelled “Die Hard” when used in reference to the awesomeness of John McClain’s adventures at Nokatomi Plaza. So, this could be a sick troll jab at Hillary, or her supporters, wanting somebody to DIE.  Hence, the caps…hence the spacing between the D-to-the-I-to-the-E-to-the-space-to-the-hard.

The next part is strange because this troll said it was so made at the tactics it did a whole report on Obama supporters.  What’s weird is that it’s normal convention to link to documents referred to like this.  If you wrote a report, where is it?  Why didn’t you link to that report.  We bet you stayed up all night working on it, even when you got so tired you started using the blunt end of the crayons, and tears were streaming down your face as you realized you were missing American Idol, but you just couldn’t pull away from the kitchen table to watch it until your important report was finished.  All the other trolls were be-bopping away to glorified karaoke in another part of the cave, while you, burdened like Atlas and confined like Prometheus, HAD TO FINISH THE REPORT.

What the troll is doing here is establishing a connection to Hillary supporters and saying something that makes an uninformed reader believe it, too, does not like Obama.  So, everything it says later is supposed to carry more weight so you will pay attention.

(2) But the fact of the mattter is still that we would be in worse shape with the republicans in office.

This is classic troll logic.  Establish (1) above, then immediately add BUT to it.  It’s like they design for Apple Bottom Jeans.  Always putting a big but into something.

Liberals love stating things as fact that aren’t.  It is not a matter of fact that we would be in worse shape with the republicans in office.  This is CLASSIC troll dropping.  Out of everyone who ran for president in 2008, we ended up with the worst possible person in office, surrounded by the worst possible advisors, with the worst possible Senate enabling these people.  It is a matter of fact that we would be in much better shape today with Hillary Clinton as our president.  That’s as true as anything.  We believe we’d also be in much better shape with Sarah Palin in office, even as VP and not president yet.  McCain, as president, would never have engaged in the lunacy of this administration regarding reckless spending and the Rationing Bill.  That’s a matter of fact.

It’s fascinating the troll tacitly admits how bad a president Obama really is, though.  If you have to talk about how much worse things would be with someone else, then you aren’t selling your brand well.  You don’t hear Coca Cola advertising as, “Yah, this stuff tastes like battery acid, but Pepsi is much worse, so drink Coke, otay?  Thanks.  Bye!!!”.  That’s brand management 101, people.

(3) I am NOT a huge Obama supporter, but I will get behind him and HOPE that he will overturn DOMA.

“I’m not a raging alcoholic, but I do like to have a few drinks before breakfast and think it’s okay to have spent my week’s pay by the time the liquor store closes every Friday”.

“I’m not gay, but I will buy any magazines with photos of Jake Gyllenhaal dressed up in his santa hat and a g-string from the movie Jarhead because I am fascinated with Desert Storm and support the military and also approve of Christmas and like the color red”.

“I’m not a troll, but I often use all-caps to make certain words stand out that I think are cute, like HOPE, which is a nod to the fact that I am an Obama troll, but by using so blatant an Obama troll go-to like HOPE, I’m being ironic and cheeky since people would assume a real troll wouldn’t be so blatant, so therefore I am not a real troll because I am so blatant, so thus I’m playing 11th dimensional chess with you right now because I went to Harvard and you didn’t”.

The DOMA reference is just really strange because we can’t remember the last time we talked about it on this site.  Occasionally we talk about DADT, because we love the military and DADT is in the news again because of the SOTU address.  But DOMA?  That sure was random.  Almost as if today’s troll directions from the DNC were to go out and talk about DOMA, and how Obama will overturn DOMA, even though in the end he really won’t.

(4) I know he’s thrown gays under teh bus, but what exactly are you trying to do- elect the people who will give you NO chance of equality? Come on.

“Remember, trolls, insert at least one spelling error so that it looks like you are typing quick and with passion. Stoopid peoples, that how we trolls trick them!  Spell words like “the” wrong, like “teh”, and then people will think, “Oh, this not professional troll, this regular blogger like am me!  Professional troll would spell everything A-otay, so him not troll.  Him nice person.  Me agree with him!”
It feels like these trolls would never misspell, on purpose, a word others would think they really didn’t know how to spell.  These are the same kinds of people who come to sites not reading for content, but as Grammar and Spelling Police.  AKA, the most annoying people EVER on the Internet.  ”Uh, in paragraph three, line two, you have spelled such and such wrong, and I just wanted to note that, and to add that I also found a spelling error on page 365 of Twilight, and I wrote the author and told her she spelled that word wrong, and I got a response from her publisher thanking me, and now they want to make me head of Editing, but I told them I wouldn’t accept the job unless they had Hot Pockets there, but they don’t, so I’m not going to work there”.
Another big thing the Left does is repeatedly insisting that Republicans will give the LGBTQ community “no chance of equality”.  Really? Because there’s a Democrat president, a Democrat Senate, a Democrat House, a Democrat SCOTUS, a Democrat Governor here in Illinois, a Democrat state legislature, and we STILL DON’T HAVE LGBTQ EQUALITY, IN A “BLUE STATE”.
Cleve Jones, friend of Harvey Milk and the man who started the Project AIDS Memorial Quilt, came to Chicago last year and railed against both Democrats and the mentality that “you can only vote Democrat, because Republicans are evil and won’t let you have equality”.  That’s a bedtime story trolls like to tell, but Jones called Democrats out and reminded everyone in the room that “Democrats don’t do a damn thing for gays, but they’re smart enough to lie to all of you about how much worse Republicans are’.  Republicans, to their detriment, are stupid to allow the far right to attack gays by giving them microphones to do that.  We keep telling Republicans that they don’t ever need to do a damn thing for the LGBTQ community…except STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.  Just pretend we don’t exist.  Let Democrats keep pretending to be so wonderful for gays, but never do a damn thing, and in the absence of fresh “evidence” of how much Republicans hate all of us, the LGBTQ community will ultimately tire of the same old troll droppings from the Left, with no real steps towards equality even in “true blue” states like Illinois.
This troll made the somewhat unusual move of not signing off, “Just trying to understand.  Thanks.  Bye!!!” that’s usually tacked on at the end of these droppings.  Instead, we got “Come on”.
That means what the troll was saying is supposed to be so obvious, that no discussion or thought is required.  COME ON. How can anyone not agree with this troll?  That’s unthinkable.  ”Just stop what you were doing and give up, because the Hot Pocket me put in micro-wave is yummy and you stoopid.  Come on”.