H/t Chrissy the Hyphenated

UPDATE: On 1/26/10, someone at Ace of Spades linked to this post, and hatemail flowed in from Morons (their own term, not ours), trying to argue against the below.  You people realize we wrote this to motivate you to get off your butts and work hard for Scott Brown, right?  Sending hatemail for a post that’s two weeks old is ridiculous…especially when the post was a call for you to end your defeatism, grow a pair, and work hard.  Scott Brown won.  Eeyores lost this one.  We hope you think back to all the posts on Ace and Redstate that were so pessimistic and see that all that negativity and “We’ll never win in Massachusetts” garbage took time away from actually going out and DOING SOMETHING to help Brown win.  Since he won, you forget about all the Eeyorism you engaged in — but we didn’t.  You’re going to do it again with the next tough election, and will miss an opportunity like Brown because instead of mobilizing, you come together and say “It’s impossible” before you even try.

You deserve to be called out on this.  And we assert again that both Ace and Redstate need to better moderate your comments so that this crap is nipped before it turns the lot of you into Eeyores who give up before the game even kicks off.

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We don’t care who this offends, because it’s true:  Republican men in the 20-35 year age range are little punk-ass bitches.

This is something we discovered working with the Young Republicans here in Chicago when we ran Democrats for McCain efforts here in 2008, and something we see so clearly whenever we go to Redstate or Ace of Spades to read the comments left on articles there.  The articles, mainly, are great (except those written by Erik Erikson at Redstate, because he’s very much an Eeyore himself, though he doesn’t realize it), but the COMMENTS — Great Merciful Zeus, we’d love to slap silly so many of the guys writing on those sites.  They have no idea what little khaki-pants, blue blazered, whine in their mothers’ basements babies they are.

We wish and wish others of you out there would start calling these guys out as the Eeyores they are and get them to shut up, with the endless negativity and defeatism.  We know these all can’t be paid Democrat operatives concern-trolling and Eeyore breeding on those sites — at least 80% of these are guys needing therapy who come to those boards to vent all manner of pessimism, never doing a damn thing to help the cause, only to demoralize the people who are trying to fight the good fight.

Just a cursory glance at these two sites and you will see people — all men, we note — say again and again, “Well, if we can only keep it close”.

We are a bunch of gay Hillary Democrats in Chicago who will tell you we’ve never, ever in our lives said, “Well, if we can only keep it close”.  We fight to win, people.  Even when all odds were stacked against us, we FOUGHT TO WIN.  We went coast to coast for Clinton and spent every cent we had in the bank in 2008.  In all honestly, we ruined ourselves financially to stop Dr. Utopia from becoming president because we had to do everything we could to prevent the things Liberals are doing now from happening.  We didn’t succeed in preventing this, but we sleep well at night knowing we did everything, honestly, imaginable to stop him.  We never wasted a single second whining or bitching.  We sure never said, “If we can only keep things close”.  And when Clinton suspended her campaign, we did the unthinkable and signed up the next day to work for McCain, and then a few months later, went all-in for Sarah Palin and never looked back.  We didn’t care how many people told us we’d ruin ourselves professionally doing this, or how we’d never work in politics in Chicago again because we backed Republicans against Liberals, or how we’d become pariahs in Boystown because we DARED challenged the blind identity voting of our community.

That might be because we are big boys, and not punk-ass little bitches.

What’s hilarious to us is how many of these 20-35 year old Republican guys are so wildly homophobic, always quick to make gay jokes and put people like us down.  They’re pretty quick on the misogyny too, to be honest, though nowhere NEAR as fast as the Left.  And yet, here we stand, a clear example of a bunch of fags (to us their own term for us), who wake up every day ready, willing, and able to kick ass while the best these guys can muster is posting over and over again on Redstate and Ace of Spades “If we can only come close”, “If we can only almost win, but be so half-assed about things that we come in second”.

Man-up, fellas.

Grow a pair.

If you have trouble in the testicular fortitude department, come down to Boystown and we will be glad to point you in the right direction.

Lord knows Aaron Schock loves his time here…you might too.

From our time with the Young Republicans here in Chicago, we can assure you this is totally a male phenomenon too. It is not Republican women who are like this.  The women know how to FIGHT.  Every canvassing trip we made during the 2008 race for Palin and McCain was 85% women, because the women actually got out and did the hard stuff, the phone-banking, the donating, the pounding the concrete to drum up votes.  It was gay Hillary Dems like us, female PUMAs, female Republicans fighting to save their country from socialism, and one or two 20-35 guys in their khakis and blazers who only showed up to get on TV and further their careers by getting as much airtime as possible (never, ever wanting to do any heavy lifting).

The young men in the Republican party are glory hounds, prima donnas, and Eeyores:  all they seem to want to do is enter a weird collectively group therapy on message boards talking about losing races that could be won if they only just got off their little butts and DID SOMETHING productive. Planning on attending the next Young Republican cocktail hour or VIP reception to get their pictures taken with Tim Pawlenty or Aaron Schock is not doing something productive.  Logging onto Redstate to bitch and moan about “how impossible it is to win in Massachusetts” is not only not productive, but it’s asinine, considering these are the same punk-ass bitches who constantly go on and on about how Mitt Romney is the ideal 2012 candidate (because he’s so dreamy, maybe), when ROMNEY WON IN MASSACHUSETTS.  It’s not impossible for a Republican to win in a state with more Independents than Democrats. No matter what Democrats try to tell you.

Sometimes, honestly, the lot of us here think about only dating Republican men in the future:  because they seem to be so damn gullible and easy to manipulate.  We, using Alinsky Methods in the dating realm, could probably make these guys our actual bitches. Psy-ops works so well on them, it’s not even funny.  They believe whatever is told to them over and over again.  Their defeatism and pants-wetting is Pavlovian.  They hear, “It’s over!” clanged by someone in the news media, with a “Nothing to see here!” chaser, and they all just shut down immediately.  We could totally p-own these little Marys.  ”There’s no point arguing: just do the dishes.  We always win and you always lose in this kitchen.  Don’t even try to fight it”.  ”You may have gotten close, but you are not going to win and watch Sports Center.  We’re watching Project Runway again.  Just deal with it.  Now, run along and complain about it on Ace, then pout a while, and when your done go make us some crepes.  You know where the Grand Marnier is”.  ”Keep telling all your friends there’s no point in resisting because we always win, because for every one of you that we recruit, we get points we can apply toward Broadway tickets”.

We have just four days to win the Massachusetts Senate race for Scott Brown and save America from the Healthcare Rationing bill and one front of Dr. Utopia’s socialist push.  Just as we did in 2008, this bunch of gay Hillary dudes in Chicago is doing everything we can — to our detriment, and at great personal expense — to fight the fight we believe in.  We’re supposed to be the weaklings.  We’re supposed to be the little pansies, the delicate flowers, the objects of ridicule.  That’s sure how it seems when these guys get off onto their homophobic rants on all those sites.  And, yet, what’s the real score when the rubber meets the road?  Who’s throwing everything they’ve got to WIN, yet again — and who’s sitting on the ground under rain clouds whining and moping and saying “If we can only just come close!”.

When — not if — Scott Brown wins this race, here’s what’s going to happen:

(1) Republicans will be so damn excited they will all forget about the damage Eeyores did in this race

(2) No one will ever go back and hit HARD against all the Eeyores who claimed this was impossible, including Erik Erikson himself (someone we generally like, but someone who needs to realize that, because of his position and the influence he carries, he can NEVER say things like “if we only come close” when he needs to be inspiring people to “put their whole hearts into fighting for a win”)

(3) Republicans will not chastise their own for not working hard enough, for complaining so much, and for demoralizing others with their negativity and open therapy sessions (another word we’d use here in Boystown would be circle jerks, which is applicable), because when Republicans win, these little whiny babies are never taken to task

That’s so dangerous and deadly for Republicans, because in situations like the Scott Brown vs. Martha Coakley race, if Coakley wins then all these punk-ass bitches, of the male 20-35 persuasion, come out of the woodwork to crow “See!  I toldya he’d lose!  It’s impossible to beat Democrats!  We were right for sitting on our asses and whining and being negative all day because we lost!”.

For guys who love Sports Center so damn much, we seriously wonder how many of them actually watch the games for the GAMES, and not just the hotties in tight pants on the field.

To break out the sports analogies, these Republican Eeyores are guys who come to a game, never bother to fully suit up, and sit on the bench whining about how they are going to lose while the opponents take the field pumped up, fully prepped and revved up to go, using playbooks they’ve studied furiously to WIN THAT GAME.  The khaki pants brigade doesn’t study strategy books, doesn’t believe in teamwork, doesn’t stay motivated, and never puts their whole heart into it.

If some miracle happens and these punk-ass bitches win, they squeal with delight, high-five each other, then race for the nearest cocktail party to celebrate, where they fall all over themselves to get on the local news as “pundits” talking ad nauseum about their “hard won victory”.

When they lose, practically by forfeiting most contests, they mope off to their cocktail party, where they angrily RAIL against everyone who tried to help them win, saying, “See, those damn HillBuzz guys kept telling us to get off our lazy asses and work hard for once, but it was all just a trick.  Those PUMAs didn’t win this for us, even though they did everything they damn well could to get us to stop being little punk-ass bitches and man-up for once in our privileged and spoiled lives.  I bought a new blazer and some new dockers for this media appearance, where I am mad at everyone who tried to tell me to work hard, because not winning this race shows me that when I don’t work hard and am constantly a little rain cloud, and I don’t win, it’s always someone else’s fault”.

Mary, please.

We believe Scott Brown will win on January 19th — if we can keep the Eeyores from demoralizing voters into just sitting home.  That is the only way Martha Coakley wins, if the khaki pants brigade of punk-ass bitches Eeyores everyone into giving up.  That is the only way she wins.

January 20th, we will all need to start fighting to get Scott Brown seated, because Democrats are already working to stall that until they can ram Healthcare Rationing through.  If you think the fight to elect Brown was intense, it’s going to be all-out war to actually get him to Washington.  As usual, we expect the khaki pants brigade of punk-ass bitch Eeyores to say throughout, “There’s no way we can win…Democrats will stop us…we should just give up and spend all day on Redstate complaining or over at Ace talking about how hopeless it is”.

We at HillBuzz, and we hope our readers, will, as usual, be fighting Liberals tooth and nail to stop their next round of lunacy to save this Republic.

For the love of all that’s good and holy, we just wish some of you conservatives and Republicans would take these little punks to task for being Eeyores and moderate them out of forums.  We yank Eeyore comments off this site left and right.  Why isn’t that done at Ace and Redstate? Why aren’t Eeyores banned wherever they raise their heads?  Is it because there’d be no comments at all on anything Erik Erikson writes?

When Scott Brown wins, and after we get him sat in the Senate, we intend to mount a huge effort to get as many of you as possible to call these Eeyores out once and for all…and to change the way Republicans approach things.  You can not enter into a race already defeated. You cannot come to a game without suiting up.  Put on your damn jock.  Get your f***ing uniform on.  Read your g-damn playbook.  Tie your bloody shoes.  Bitch.

Get your heads in the game.  Psych yourselves up to kick some liberal ass. Grow the f*** up.

And if it at all motivates you, just remember GAY HILLARY GUYS IN BOYSTOWN are working harder to elect good Republicans than you are.

Frankly, that should keep you up awake late into the night wondering where your life went wrong.

It really and truly should.

Because if one day we woke up and discovered the khaki pants punk-ass bitch brigade was fighting harder for spousal rights, watching Project Runway with more enthusiasm, or making snarkier quips than we were, you KNOW we’d sit down and rethink the way we were spending our time to WAKE UP and change our game.

We can’t let them be better at things we’re supposed to believe in or enjoy better than we are…just as WE should never fight harder and be more aggressive in races Republicans should be all-in to win for themselves.

Be all mad at us in comments if you want, and we’re sure we’ll get slammed for all of this as usual, but this stuff needs to be said…and the Eeyores in your ranks need to be spanked silly and then eliminated because they DO YOU GUYS NO GOOD.

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UPDATE: Just for fun, head over to Ace of Spades and checkout a thread they have on a poll for Brown, which has Brown up 4 points as of 1/15/09. See if you can spot the Concern Trolls, the Eeyores, and the Purists posting on this thread, and then look at how their comments change the mood and tone of others around them.

The Ace threads all have numbers assigned to the comments, so please refer to those when you ID the Trolls, Eeyores, and Purists, and note their names as well. Chances are, these same people turn up doing the same things in other threads too. The Eeyores don’t realize they are doing this, and are probably just negative d-bags by nature, but the Trolls and Purists are getting paid to be there, we honestly and truly believe that.

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Here’s another thread on Scott Brown’s polling over at Redstate. The Eeyores start at comment #2.  Seriously.  Someone, almost immediately as this article was posted, starting that Eeyore crap.  COMMENT NUMBER TWO.

Why do conservatives tolerate this?