Levi Johnston, the father of Bristol Palin’s adorable baby boy, is now calling himself “Ricky Hollywood” (thank you, Kathy Griffith for that one) in the porn movies he’s apparently doing after the Playgirl photo shoot (“Chi Chi La Rue, I’m ready for my closeup!”). 

His first day of exposing himself for all to see took place, with another shoot scheduled this week.  

Through less than Six Degrees of Kevin Aucoin, we here in Boystown’s gay community know some of the PAs who worked Johnston’s photo shoot…and managed to snap a few shots on their camera phones that Playgirl and Johnston would never want you to see.  

We put them all after the jump below, as some of you might not want to get caught looking at these while at work.  They certainly capture the real Levi, in all his glory, pretty much as expected. 

Apparently, they even made a music video during the shoot, too, which everyone on the set insists will become “Ricky Hollywood’s” signature theme song as he embarks on his big career in, aptly enough, HollyWOOD:

"Weiner Parade" was apparently Levi Johnston's idea for the first stage of his photo shoot, as he explained. "I don't look so little when I've got dough wrapped around it like a blanket and there are lots of little cocktail sausages around me. Those little hotdogs taste good and make me think of things like parties where people eat stuff. I know I got a small weiner, so I usually don't like going to those parties because other guys all make fun of me, but I did this shoot because I wanted to do a "Weiner Parade" so other guys with my problem would stop being ashamed of themselves and would start liking parties". As Johnston's manager on the photo shoot reaffirmed, "Essentially, Levi's selling his body and exposing himself to help people. He's talking about Hope for all other guys out there with abnormally small penises. I sure don't want to jinx this for my client, but I just got off the phone with some guys who said they are the Nobel Committee in Norway, and they've got a Peace Prize all ready for Levi for inspiring so much hope in this regard."

There was a definite food theme to the shoot, which Johnston explained, saying, "Yah, we did that because people like to eat stuff, so when we did the Weiner Parade I said we should also talk about vegetables. Sarah Palin is always spending her own money to buy vegetables and stuff for my son, who I don't pay child support for, even though I am making all kinds of money from Kathy Griffith and E! television and the porn industry and Playgirl and stuff. That Sarah Palin is so terrible for taking care of my baby, and her husband Todd is so terrible for being the grandfather who has to act as the father because the baby's real father is posing for Playgirl and making his tiny junk look like baby carrots so that it would look bigger when placed next to real baby carrots and stuff. Also, I want to be a spokesperson for vegetables in schools because Kathy Griffith told me spokespeople for things make a lot of money, so the camera people made me look like a little carrot, the smallest carrot they could imagine, because that's how big my junk is".

"This is my favorite pic from the shoot," explained Johnston, "'cause I'm holding my stuff up for everyone to see and the makeup guy made me look just like a banana! I call 'em nanners 'cause that way I can say less letters. I was jumping around the set buck naked tellin' everyone I was King Kong when we were shooting this, and they all just laughed at me and told me I had a ridiculously small penis and that I should be embarrassed for myself. I don't even know how to be embarrassed over the things I do. I just like to hurt people, give my son something to be ashamed of his father for, and make as much easy money as I can while the Liberal Media's using me to take cheap hits at the family that took me in when I had nowhere else to go and nobody wanted me. Those Palins are so terrible for helping me out like that, so I'm glad I can show my teeny nanner to everyone online so that I can hurt them. King f***ing Kong, baby!"

Johnston explained the last shot of the day by saying, "Oh yah, that one's 'cause that terrible Sarah Palin invited me to have Thanksgiving at her house with the son of mine I never see and don't pay child support for. So, the makeup guy dressed up my penis as a drumstick 'cause that makes people think of Thanksgiving and so that's a metaphor or something. And I got to be naked in a room that looked like a kitchen! And then everyone laughed at me and someone told me I was shameless and that my weiner was really small. I think everyone should know how terrible Sarah Palin is for inviting people to eat food with her family at Thanksgiving. That's why I am doing this, to get the word out about how terrible the Palins are to be nice to people who do such awful things to them. Thanksgiving SUCKS DONKEY BALLS!"

And, after so many costume changes, all food-related (perhaps to entice Oprah to allow him to go on her show, too), Johnston showered down and reemerged from the bathroom an hour later (“I forgot how the toilet works again, so I just went in the corner of the room and hope that’s okay”) where his manager and Playgirl crew played for him the music that, to everyone involved, perfectly sums up “Ricky Hollywood” perfectly: