Andrew Sullivan is what would happen if someone magically anthromorphized an ass and gave it a typewriter — not an ass like a donkey or a mule, but the other kind.  Then, instead of spewing things directly into the toilet, Sullivan would whirl crap off into print.  Which is what he does at The Atlantic. 

Here’s a piece he just did on the big LGBTQ event Dr. Utopia attended hosted by the Human Rights Campaign (which we stopped abbreviating as HRC, because that’s what we abbreviate Hillary Rodham Clinton as…and these days we certainly do not want the two confused, as the latter’s someone we’d go to Hell and back for, gladly, eight days a week while the former’s an organization we have as much respect for now as we do the Nobel Peace Prize.). 

Sullivan acts surprised Dr. Utopia is not really doing, or planning to do, anything for the LGBTQ community.  As if anyone who’s been paying attention couldn’t see that.  We’ve been telling everyone this for almost two years now.  The anecdote we think most clearly brings this into focus is that Dr. Utopia, on June 29th 2008, refused to march in the Chicago Gay Pride Parade, the largest in the Midwest, because he wanted to get his haircut and play basketball that day instead.  Just a month later, he chose to march in the black Bud Billiken Day Parade, because that was more important than a haircut and shooting some b-ball down by the East Bank Club.  

Hillary Clinton marches in Pride parades.  Senator Roland Burris marched in the 2009 Chicago Gay Pride Parade.  Every major politician in Illinois (save for closet cases like Aaron Schock) march in Pride parades. 

But never, not once in his charmed life, has Dr. Utopia. 

Why is that?

Because he doesn’t give one damn about the LGBTQ community, knowing it will support the Democrat by default in every election without question.  

We used to support the Human Rights Campaign without question, too.  Back in 1996, one of us here was in New York City for his first Pride Parade.  He hadn’t even come out yet, and hadn’t even been to a gay bar yet, and was in New York on unrelated business and just happened to literally stumble upon the rainbows, music, and sparkles as he walked up 49th to Fifth Avenue. That’s a sight he will never forget, being surrounded by so many other gay people that he was part of the majority out and about that day, not the secret minority.  

One of the first people to come up and talk to him at the parade was a Human Rights Campaign volunteer, wearing a blue tank top and short 70s-style yellow silk shorts.  He had a blue and yellow Human Rights Campaign headband on, and a curly mop of cherubic blond hair like Ryan Phillipe in “54″.  Whoever sent him out to gather donations picked him perfectly from central casting, as he was moving in the delivery of his spiel and got $200 off one of us by way of that form on the street. 

Collectively, all of us have more or less supporting the Human Rights Campaign every year since then, giving as much as we could every June for Pride. 

That stopped in 2008 and we will never again give this organization a single dime.  

Why?

Because Joe Solomonese made the executive decision to give all Human Rights Campaign donations from June through November in 2008 to Dr. Utopia’s presidential campaign.  All the money given to the organization by people who wanted to see it make actual progress for the LGBTQ community was handed over to a narcissicist who we know full well has no intention whatsoever of doing anything for gays.  

That money might as well have been funneled to the Rev. Fred Phelps.  Dr. Utopia and Phelps are both Democrats who have done the same amount of positive things for the LGBTQ community — though Phelps has actually attended Pride parades (albeit screaming and yelling about how much God hates fags, while adoring crazed, dirty, zealots apparently). 

Whenever the Human Rights Campaign sends its well-cast handsome, hipster donation collectors out at LGBTQ events in Chicago (and they’ll certainly be out for Halloween), we tell them, when we’re approached, that we stopped giving to the Human Rights Campaign in 2008 and will never give again — and we explain why.  The reaction we get is always the same:  rolled eyes and politeness while they stand and pretend to listen, but we can tell they’re just playing music in their heads (the way we do whenever anyone talks to us about something we don’t care the least about). As soon as they realize they won’t be getting a donation from us, they start scanning the crowd for approaching faces who might be the next $50 or $100 pledge on their lists.  

But, still we make our point.  

At whatever LGBQ event we go to in Chicago, if there’s a Human Rights Campaign table or presence, we also bring up Solomonese’ decision to fork over all that money to Dr. Utopia.  Without fail, most people in the room don’t even realize he did that.  Then they claim the organization always does that for Democrats…which is not true, since they didn’t do that for Kerry.  That’s odd because the LGBTQ community claims George W. Bush was some sort of devil, and everything possible had to be done to defeat him and all his evil in 2004.  And, yet, the Human Rights Campaign was not “all-in” for Kerry the way it bent over backwards for Dr. Utopia.  We could get graphic and extend the Andrew Sullivan metaphor for what Solomonese really did for Dr. Utopia in terms of prostituting the Human Rights Campaign, but you get the idea (and, if not, then you’ve obviously never been to Steamworks).

And George W. Bush did more for HIV/AIDS funding than any president before him, including the Clintons, which is BEYOND IMPRESSIVE. A Republican president who knew he’d never win even the smallest fraction of the gay vote goes out of his way to do good for the LGBTQ community…and is still villified cartoonishly by bitter fops who have no idea what they’re talking about, only parroting what they hear played in comedy bits at Sidetracks on Thursday nights.  ”Bush is a dumb chimp!”, “Bush is evil!”, “Bush is so stupid he can’t do anything right!”.

And Dr. Utopia, in contrast, is an enchanted Lightbringer who solves all the world’s problems, attains word peace two weeks into the job, lowers the oceans and brings equality and justice for all gay men, women, and transgenders.

According to the asses at the Human Rights Campaign, at least.