November 14, 2009
If you like what we write and would like to help our efforts to continuously improve, attend political events we can report back from, and keep making our slow progress towards becoming a multimedia political satire and commentary site of our own, then we appreciate anything you could send our way. You help keep a moderate, independent, bipartisan voice alive when it very much seems to be needed.
November 15, 2009
Dear HillBuzz,
My name is Patricia Melton (but you can just call me Pattymelt, as that’s the handle I use on these Internets, but ironically enough a sandwich I think is gross. Too gooey) and I am the president-for-life of the Mineral City Coffee Club, the foremost coffee club in all of central Ohio and most of Pennsylvania, come to think of it. I am married to Earl, a man obsessed with model trains who spends most of his time in the basement hiding things of mine that he’s broken and unconvincingly tried to fix without me knowing (and half the time, getting more Krazy Glue on himself than he does on the ceramic cat mug or whatever he’s broken in the last hour). I’m mother to a wonderful gay son named Robby who lives in Chicago, and who has a coffee club of his own (but instead they drink Pilsners in Boystown and write about it on the Internets) and protectress of a whole host of cat-babies, too adorable to count (because if I ever kept track of the number of them, my husband Earl would get jealous and want more rabbits of his own, and I don’t want any more rabbits in the house, in the barn, in the basement, or in Earl’s sock drawer, which he considers “like an embassy” in that it’s his territory so he thinks my rules don’t apply there (but they do anyway, don’t test me). So, I tell him we’ve just got the three cats: a black one, a white one, and a tabby. When he sees two or three of any color in the room at the same time, I just convince him he needs his eyeglasses checked again, or that the cats are moving really fast (Works like a charm!). I also have a daughter who lives in New York, but the less said about her the better.
My son Robby asked me to review the new movie 2012 for you, because he says I’m good at talking about things that are terrible (have I mentioned my daughter, Ann-Louise, the cautionary tale and constant source of disappointment? Speaking of terrible things, what about my mortal nemesis, Ann Millar, who has been trying to usurp me as Coffee Club President for going on fifteen years now? Get your own damn club, ANN, because if it meets in my kitchen and everyone sits on my chairs I GET TO BE PRESIDENT and there’s nothing you can do about it.). (more…)
November 15, 2009
We’ve had coffee with Hillary Clinton before — in a room with few people in it, no media, where she can be herself and say whatever she wants to say. The woman is funny, sharp, self-depreciating, REAL, honest, charming, and astute. Some of you out there wonder why we’ll support her to our dying days without question. You ask why we’re so loyal to her. You wonder why we’re so determined to make sure what was done to her is NEVER done to another woman again…and that Dr. Utopia does not do again in the Caucuses and Primaries next year what he did in 2008.
It’s because, first and foremost, Hillary Clinton is a proud and committed AMERICAN. That’s above everything else. The woman loves this country more than anything and wakes up every morning to do whatever she can to help keep it safe, strong, and prosperous.
We’ve seen her up close. We’ve seen her with no makeup, no artiface, no camera crews. We’ve seen the real deal…and the real deal is that she’s one in a million.
And, she really is hilarious when she wants to be. Her humor is dry, sharp, and biting. She’s sarcastic and to the point.
And we are sure they honestly will do this at some point…and it will probably be under the radar and we won’t hear about it until long after it’s happened, but it will happen.
Clinton people support the Palins. Palin people support the Clintons. Both sides do not agree on everything, but we all clearly have common experiences sustaining attack after attack from the Left in the name of Dr. Utopia.
Can you not understand how a bond would naturally develop there?
Just imagine how nervous the egomaniac in the White House would be if Clinton and Palin were really in a room together, with no administration spies, and the two of them could talk frankly.
We believe if Palin really is serious about running for president this will indeed happen. Clinton would help her, if she doesn’t intend to go for the 2012 nomination herself (and primary Dr. Utopia). If Dr. Utopia’s a one term president, Clinton is redeemed and the DNC will regret backing the loser in 2008.
Palin supporters need to always be respectful of the Clintons. You don’t need to sing Hillary’s praises, you don’t need to say anything nice about Bill, but you need to refrain from any of the Clinton bashing many in Republican circles autodefault to. It gets you nowhere.
The Clintons love America.
The Palins love America.
Dr. Utopia and his wife love themselves, and all the attention, fame, fortune, and pleasures they are getting now.
It’s as simple as that, folks.
Coffee anyone?
November 15, 2009
What’s on your mind this Sunday? What stories do you think will lead the new week? Where do you think people’s attention will be starting Monday? What are you doing to get off your butt and make something good, ANYTHING good, happen for your country this week? Trust us, that couch won’t get up and float away if you’re not anchoring it down all the time.
Here are the areas of focus we have right now, where we’re trying to learn as much as possible to make a difference:
* How do we collectively stop the current administration from bringing Khalid Sheik Muhammad and other Muslim terrorists to New York City — which we believe will be a national nightmare and major assault on US security interests.
* How do we, collectively, across the partisan aisle, eliminate ACORN as a political tool the current POTUS and the DNC use to commit voter fraud and rig elections?
* How can we all work together to force notorious race-baiter Eric Holder to resign as Attorney General — as the decision he’s made with KSM comes on the heels of his refusal to prosecute Black Panthers for voter intimidation last year, his refusal to pursue corrruption charges against White House ally Bill Richardson in Nevada, and his decision to persecute CIA and the US military for their efforts to keep America safe — all the while doing everything he can to set terrorists free. Eric Holder has got to step down. Worst. Attorney. General. Ever.
* What can we all do, every day, to make sure we are ready to prevent fraud in the Iowa Caucus in 2012? PLEASE take this seriously. A massive effort was launched on Dr. Utopia’s behalf from Chicago to game the Iowa Caucus. A good portion of Chicago rolled across the Illinois border to vote in Dubuque, Waterloo, Des Moines,you name it to ensure Dr. Utopia won that Caucus in 2008. The caucus centers are chaos hatcheries. Dr. Utopia’s goons, most of whom certainly appeared to be ACORN or SEIU, marched in, took over, and told anyone who wouldn’t stand with him that they were RAAACISTS and needed to prove they weren’t RAAACISTS by voting “for the first black president”. These people bullied older voters not to stand with Hillary Clinton, or just tried to send anyone over the age of 60 to fictitious caucus sites across town, claiming these people were in the wrong place. It was a systematic grab of the Caucus by the Utopia campaign. Republicans don’t see the danger in 2012 because they didn’t pay any attention to 2008 and the Democrats’ primaries. What is happening now is that David Axelrod is focusing on selecting Dr. Utopia’s Republican opponent for 2012. Rahm Emanuel is running the show for the current administration’s political and social agenda. Axelrod is focused on that second term. Axelrod wants Dr. Utopia to run against a beatable Republican like Romney, Crist, Huckabee, Huntsman, or Pawlenty. They are going to do everything in their power to stop Sarah Palin from getting the nomination. Democrats will vote in droves in the Republican primaries and caucuses to select the opponent they want to run against. YOU MUST STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING. To do that, you need to start talking about this now because it will take the next three years to secure the nomination process and prevent Axelrod from gaming it.
Trust us on this.
*******
The other thing on our minds today is the reaction, and in some cases furor, that’s erupted since we offered our sincere thanks to George and Laura Bush for their basic human decency this last week. While we’ve gotten thousands of comments here on this site and emails from people out there who support our thanks to the former President, we’ve gotten some of the vilest and most chilling hate mail we’ve ever received over this post.
During the 2008 primaries, Dr. Utopia’s supporters threw rocks through one of our windows that had Hillary for President posters in them. The rocks, of course, had “Obama ‘08″ stickers on them. When we wore our Hillary buttons out, which was every day from February 2007 through June 7, 2008, Dr. Utopia’s “Hope and Change Gang” spat at us, called us RAAACISTS for not supporting him, pushed us, and tried to rip the buttons off our coats.
In the General Election, when we became DeMcCrats for McCain, the Left ratcheted up the hatred for us. Now, Dr. Utopia’s supporters started throwing punches. In Boystown, we almost got punched in the face in line waiting to get into Sidetracks a few times because Dr. Utopia’s followers didn’t like that we had on McCain tee shirts. Just before the election last year, we actually got punched in the face and attacked when we were crossing the street, minding our own business, and overheard a group of Dr. Utopia supporters making fun of Sarah Palin, calling her baby Trig “a retarded troll”, and using every vile, misogynistic pejorative they love to toss casually out at women against Palin (a woman, in truth, they knew nothing about…except that the Utopia campaign wanted her destroyed). They engaged us and said, “Yah, don’t you just hate her…don’t you just think that bitch should be raped and her baby should be dumped in the river” and more vile things than we can recount. We stood up for Palin, asked them how talk like this fits into the whole Hope and Change agenda, and received a punch to the face for it.
We’ve continued to take lumps from the Left ever since. Our friends repeatedly tell us to stop speaking out against Dr. Utopia because we live in Chicago and so many of his thugs are here. They tell us to stop going after ACORN, to stop telling people the SEIU should be disbanded, to stop exposing the fraud and corruption in this City, to stop speaking out about Utopia-sponsored waste like the 2016 Olympics bid, etc. By doing all of this, we have lost a lot of work, especially freelance jobs for the City. Many people who used to employ us for various projects will no longer return our calls, because they are Obots and don’t want to do business with people who aren’t drinking the Kool-Aid. This has caused great changes to our lifestyle and forced us to live and work on much reduced budgets, with far fewer friends in Chicago than we had in 2007 before any of the primaries and the general election.
So. Be. It.
The hatred spewed at us for merely thanking George W. Bush and his wife Laura for being good Americans proves to us how mentally ill the Leftists really are. We’re half-tempted to start publishing the emails we’re getting that tell us that people hope we get AIDS for supporting anyone but Dr. Utopia. AIDS. They hope we get AIDS.
When you want to push a gay man’s buttons, there are three levels of hate you can toss at him to unhinge the guy (trust us on this):
(1) Tell him he’s losing his hair (especially if he’s not)
(2) Tell him he’s fat (especially if he’s not)
(3) Tell him he looks sick, or that you hope he’s got AIDS (which will, in many cases, cause the guy to be sick to his stomach with worry for the next six months)
No matter how toughened you are, especially after enduring relentless hate mail, rocks through windows, and punches to the face for the last two years from these lunatics, on some level the fresh “Two Minute Hate” against us does have an impact. It’s sure as hell not going to make us suddenly support our current fey, apologetic, socialist president. It’s certainly not going to bring us over to the Left. If anything, this garbage just forces us further away from the Democrat Party, which is unrecognizable to us at this point, and is truly a hate-fueled-socialism-engine completely taken over by the radical Left.
You said something nice about a former President…so we hope you get AIDS, faggots.
Do you see what they do here? They have an automatic attack word prepped for whomever they want to go after. If it’s women, they’ll call them c**** or bitches or whores. If it’s gay men who aren’t falling in line, the words faggot and sissy are lobbed readily, followed by hopes they’ll get AIDS and die. If it’s someone white who is not blindly following White House directives, well that person is a RAAACIST.
It is the same damn thing every time with the Left.
And you know what? We’ve gotten hate mail from Republicans in the past. Do you know what’s interesting? Republicans, and people in the religious Right, have never, NOT ONCE, told us they wished we’d get AIDS. NOT ONCE. They’ve disagreed with us. They’ve told us we are bad people for not agreeing with them. They’ve intelligently taken apart whatever we’ve said, point by point, line by line, to correct us as they saw fit. But they’ve never wished death on us. They’ve never even name-called us. They may have quoted Scripture and said how much they “disagreed with our lifestyles”, but they didn’t even tell us we were going to Hell, Fred Phelps-styled. At worst, the really religious people — the ones the LGBTQ community paints as such terrible hate mongers out to get all of us in Boystown — just say things like “We hope you repent before you are Judged by the Creator” and things like that.
It is night and day when compared to what the Left dishes out.
And it is startling to see that.
We’re still processing it, as we’re getting a huge uptick in emails and comments here, but it’s worth a full essay of its own in the days ahead. We’re honestly floored by this, and see a silver lining in it that we now have a collection of emperical evidence of what the Left can dish up when they’re on SOMEONE’S marching orders to come after you (with many IP addresses shared amongst multiple posting IDs and email accounts…IPs that originate in Chicago…where, coincidentally we’re sure, the DNC is now headquartered).
Interesting stuff.
We’re not going to change how we think or what we say for anyone.
If we see good in something George Bush or Dick Cheney does, we’re going to thank them for it. If we’d see something good in what Dr. Utopia and his wife do, we’ll thank them for that too. So far, this has not happened. If it does, they will be thanked. We’re sure that will blow minds too, but we’re centrists around here…which means we’re not culture warriors under anyone’s flag but our own, who just want to see America go forwards to strength and prosperity, not be dragged down into socialist malaise with a radical at the helm who still, to this day, refuses to put his damn hand over his heart during the national anthem.
November 14, 2009
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
We choose ass-kicker, thank you very much.
This global apology/bow and kiss rings and feet/magical mystery tour Dr. Utopia is on has got to stop.
We’ve gotten more hate mail in the last week for speaking the truth about former President George W. Bush than we could even have imagined. Liberals have been unhinged — telling us they hope we get AIDS because we dare to tell you that America was safer when the man from Texas was in the White House, instead of the current occupant, wherever he’s from (depending on what day he’s asked).
Bowing to the Emperor of Japan, prostrating before Falafel the Hutt and kissing his ring, and taking every opportunity to degrade his country while in office is not paying any dividends in convincing Muslims to stop attacking American interests at home and abroad.
Quite the contrary.
It’s emboldening them, because we’ve got a boot-licker in office now, and these terrorists now know they can get away with anything and not get the ass-kicking they’d have received lickety-split just two years ago.
Welcome to truth, justice and the American way, Dr. Utopia’s Hope! and Change! style:
November 14, 2009
We have not read a single article praising the White House’s decision to have notorious race-baiter (and Attorney General) Eric Holder subject New York City to a dangerous nightmare by trying Khalid Sheik Muhammad (KSM) and other Muslim terrorists in a courthouse just a hop, skip, and a jihad away from the gaping hole that still remains where once mighty towers stood.
Absolutely no good will come of this for anyone but Islamic terrorists, who will receive unprecedented access to American intelligence operations and a jihadist media platform to launch sustained verbal attacks against the United States, carried live on MSNBC and CNN no doubt (with color commentary and praise provided by the likes of Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann, legs a-tingle, hearts a-flutter for the latest reckless decision by their boyfriend, the current illustrious president, Dr. Utopia).
And that’s in addition to the actual physical attacks, riots, and murders that are sure to follow this trial to New York City.
There’s a reason the government has used military tribunals to try people like KSM in the past: he was not arrested by law enforcement, but was instead captured as an enemy combatant in a military operation. It is not appropriate to try this man in civilian court, where Miranda Rights and other legal loopholes could very well set him free.
Just imagine the spectacle that would cause: dressed in a fine Seville Row suit, provided by the Saudi embassy no doubt, stepping out of the federal courthouse and into the gleaming sun (perfect opportunity to triumphantly whip some Armani shades from a breast pocket, natch), probably with the current president and his fashion icon wife waiting at the foot of the steps below (perhaps even to bow, since KSM’s middle name is “Sheik”, and the current US president has made something of a hobby, if not addiction, out of bowing to Middle Eastern royalty). Mrs. Utopia will, of course, wear another of her giant weightlifting belts over an inappropriately colorful coat on the occasion (neon green, perhaps, or another “outfit” out of her Smurf-blood blue collection per chance?), so “proud of her country for the first time in her adult life now that Khalid Sheik Muhammad has been set free”.
Then, the lot of them can stroll down to the site where the World Trade Center once stood, where unicorns will await to take them on a handsome ride around the wreckage, so Dr. Utopia can wax professorially some more about how good it was that America was “humbled”, to better understand our place as merely “one nation of many”.
Let the ululating begin.
Sadly, the picture above was meant as parody when drawn, but how close to home has the image struck in the eleven months of our Golden Age of Hope and Change?
How much longer will it take for Independents, who provided Dr. Utopia his margin of victory in 2008, to wake up and realize that Eric Holder at the Justice Department HAS GOT TO GO.
If Dr. Utopia loses those Independents, Democrats lose Congress in 2010, and Republicans can then wield great power to take Holder to task for inviting further attacks on New York, providing an opportunity for the mass murderer of thousands to waltz free into the sunset, and giving Muslims unprecedented ability to use our court system to force national intelligence secrets into the open by way of the discovery process.
Regular, average Americans do not yet realize what Eric Holder and Dr. Utopia have done with the KSM trial.
Republicans and moderates out there who love America: you have a new action item to work on every day, more important even than spreading the word about ACORN and its own anti-American activities.
People need to educate as many of their friends, neighbors, and family members as possible and make them understand that Dr. Utopia’s decision to bring KSM to trial in New York is a disaster in the making for all of us.
It will make us less safe as a nation.
It will cause chaos for New York.
And if it gets out to Independents and moderates that Dr. Utopia did this, it could very well make Democrats lose Congress next year…if people realize this administration cannot be trusted running all three branches of government if this is the sort of thing they do when they have that control.
November 14, 2009
From this angle, you can clearly see Falafel the Hutt extend his paw for Dr. Utopia to pucker up, bow low, and kiss it. "Oh, Mr. President, you flatter me. I have not had a suitor this eager and amorous for many desert moons. I feel like Princess Jasmine being wooed by Aladdin in that marvelous cartoon!". In fact, our current president was so eager to prostrate himself that he pushed aside other fawning admirers of Falafel, as he just couldn't control his urge to KISS THAT DELICIOUS RING.
In June, our current president, Dr. Utopia, prostrated himself before the King of Saudi Arabia, begging to kiss the ring upon his hand and tell corpulent Falafel the Hutt how sorry he is for America’s exceptionalism, how ashamed he is to be an American (maybe), and how much he wants to remake this nation as just one amongst many, subservient and forever dependent to the House of Saud and other Islamic powers.
And now Dr. Utopia bows before the Emperor of Japan, on another apology tour where he’s been insisting the United States was wrong to use nuclear weapons to end Emperor Horohito’s madness — which included the rape, torture, and murder of millions of Chinese, Koreans, Russians, Vietnamese, and anyone else unlucky enough to find themselves in the grip of the Empire of the Rising Sun.
The Empire struck America at Pearl Harbor and cost the lives of thousands of America’s best and brightest in the Pacific campaign, with many United States Marines, the finest human beings on the face of this Earth, lost island hopping from bloody rock to foul swamp to reach the heart of the Empire itself and drive Old Glory into it like a stake through a sake sipping Dracula.
If President Truman had not unleashed the awesome power available to him, hundreds of thousands more Marines, sailors, soldiers, and air men would have been lost invading the main Japanese islands to force a surrender from an Emperor who believed himself to be a living god, and whose people were willing to fight to their deaths to honor him.
It took Truman’s determination, steeled will, and prescience to see that the ONLY way to break Japan and end the war was to drop those atomic weapons and stun the most ferocious enemy we have ever faced into submission.
Wherever he rests now, we hope scores of angels perpetually attend to President Truman, keep him warm and safe, and remind him he had the courage to save so many American (and Japanese) lives by ending the war YEARS earlier than it would have without our atomic strikes. Many of you reading this might not even be alive today if Truman had allowed the war to drag on needlessly: your grandfathers and great-grandfathers could have been killed in invasion of Japan proper, fighting on those main islands right up to Tokyo itself.
We all owe President Truman a great, great deal and will never allow anyone to forget that.
Every single day, the current president finds new and degrading ways to shame this country.
Welcome to Hope and Change.
It sure looks a lot like punk-ass emasculation of a great nation, at great cost to all of us to come.
November 14, 2009
We love Danny Glover. When he is acting in movies, not going to Venezuela to act upon his Tiger Beat infatuations with Hugo Chavez. (“But he’s just SO DREAMY! I can’t help myself, though I am getting to old for this s***. Heh, heh, heh, that’s a Lethal Weapon joke I did right there, ’cause I was in that movie. Heh, heh, heh”)
Once, years ago, when one of us was still in the fashion biz, we met Glover in the hallway of a hotel as he was en route to the coveted “Gifting Room” (where celebrities Trick or Treat for freebies in clothes, jewelry, electronics, you name it). Glover was as nice as nice could be, and even seemed to enjoy the inane Lethal Weapon references we made and humored us with a few line deliveries of the same. A class act and a good man in our book.
But, man alive is he terrible in the new movie 2012, released yesterday.
His acting is as good as ever, so it’s mainly the character he plays, a dithering, naive, incompetent black POTUS who takes as long as possible to make command decisions and ultimately becomes the very last POTUS the world will ever see…by his own choosing, actually.
We’re going to cut this post here for those of you who don’t want any spoilers….read below if you don’t mind knowing what happens in the movie:
November 14, 2009
What’s on your mind this Saturday?
Here’s some of what we are thinking about this weekend:
******
Honestly, we’re still floored by the current president and his Justice Department’s decision to subject New York City to the civl trial of Khalid Sheik Muhammad (KSM). It’s stunning, and we concur with those out there that say this is the absolute worst decision made by any sitting president in recent memory.
People are going to die because of this decision, needlessly so, because we sincerely believe it’s going to attract every Muslim radical and lunatic to New York to disrupt the city continuously as this works its way through the legal system.
Our government, of course, will be focused on preventing large scale subway attacks, plots to bomb the Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, etc. But, what if Muslims take a different route in New York? What if they take a page from the Muslim terrorist attack on Ft. Hood this last week, and a single Islamist weapons-up and hits the streets of New York? Times Square. Central Park. The Village. Right inside Tiffany’s on Fifth Avenue.
Somewhere, HRH Princess Caroline of Kennedy just cringed in her ermine morning blankets (“But…but…but where would I buy all my diamonds then?”).
The cost-effectiveness of single Muslims emulating Hasan at Fr. Hood is what makes us believe this will be the next wave of these attacks: if KSM’s supporters, who are already in this country due to lax immigration and student visa programs, just arm themselves and start hitting New York one at a time, every few days, it would take no more than a month or two to make the entire city come unglued.
People are already leaving New York in droves because of high taxes. We personally know several formerly very well-of New Yorkers who were recently hit with $25,000+ assessments on their co-ops, because of various city-mandated improvement projects and the high taxes they all carry with them. Do you have $25,000 ready to write a big check like that? With lending tightened, and many people underemployed and not bringing in nearly what they did a few years ago, how many people do you know who can just walk into a bank and get a loan that big anymore?
Then, we can talk about New York’s crime problems…with muggings up since the economy tanked and Dr. Utopia, our illustrious president, wasted over a Trillion Dollars on Democrat pork barrel projects and payouts to cronies like ACORN under his “stimulus package”, while no new jobs were created. If the national unemployment rate is claimed to be over 10%, in big cities like NYC, Chicago, and LA, the REAL unemployment rate is probably getting dangerously close to 20%.
Here in Chicago, we know Realtors who are waiting tables, making 1/3 what they made before. We know a former dairy trader who’s working shifts as a male stripper. All of us here are pulling as many freelance consulting, event planning, bartending, survey administering, and guerrilla marketing gigs as we can, just to get by here in the most taxed city in the country. It is really and truly brutal out there, folks.
So, why burden New York with KSM now…and make people terrified to live there, when so many are being forced to leave anyway because they just can’t afford to stay there anymore?
The only rational explanation for this is that the current president and his Justice Department want public trials for KSM and his cohorts so they can dismantle our national security and intelligence network through revelations in the criminal discovery and trial process.
Eric Holder has a definite agenda, shared by the current president, to prosecute as many of the people who keep this country safe as possible.
It feels an awful lot like Romulus Augustus instructing his generals to leave the gates of Rome open and expose the city completely to the barbarian hordes.
Dr. Utopia is the first American president to bow before the King of Saudi Arabia (Falafel the Hutt). This decision to allow KSM a platform to spout his anti-Americanism in public, and to gain access to military and intelligence records, will prostrate US security and intelligence efforts like never before. It appears to be Eric Holder’s intention to expose every secret possible during this trial to weaken the US — for what purpose, we can only conjecture.
This is scary, scary stuff.
Average Americans, the kind that only get their news from Anderson Cooper or Katie Couric, who might as well be watching cartoons instead, need to know and understand what is going on here.
Everyone who believes Dr. Utopia is a Manchurian candidate installed by George Soros to destroy America as we know it certainly got a lot more evidence for that argument this week.
How do you think people can spread the word about how much danger New York, and the nation, are in because of the KSM decision?
November 13, 2009
If you are a regular reader here, you know that we hold perpetual loyalty not only to the people we support politically here on Earth, but the legion of angels we know in ethereal realms beyond all our collective comprehensions.
While raised Catholic, none of us here are religious by an stretch, truth be told because we’re all gay and after having so much hatred flung at us by “the religious” our entire lives (including to one of us whose church came damn near convincing him to kill himself, since that was preferable to having a crush on Jason Bateman…no joke), we just had enough. More power to you if you are religiious, and you can do as you please every Sunday morning. Us — well, we get up on Sundays too early to believe and volunteer to clean the bathrooms of people who have AIDS, that our friend Lionel used to clean as a volunteer before he died this summer from prostate cancer.
Lionel’s an angel now, with great big wings bigger than an eagle’s, and he’s off doing something else, while we finish what he started here below.
We don’t have to go to any church to know this (or listen to how terrible we are because our favorite in the Gyllenhaal family is decidedly not Maggie). We might not agree with all of you out there on your dogma, but man alive we sure believe in the power of transcendtal GOODNESS. That’s largely because we’ve known goodness in its purest form: people who have little or nothing but give all they have to near-strangers; people like Lionel who work grueling hours all week only to give up their weekends to GO CLEAN SICK PEOPLE’S APARTMENTS (for free!); people who give shelter to people who need it even if they don’t have extra room and are just scraping by themselves.
There is goodness all around us.
But, unfortunately, there indeed exists evil, too.
Alpha and Omega, zenith and nadir, yin and yang ad nausem.
For us, the people we’ve known and loved in this life pass on and reassemble in a Justice League on the cosmic other side. Strong, beautiful, sharp, dedicated, they’re rejuvinated in our memory as the best of the best in all that they were when we knew them. Lionel’s out there, somewhere, still taking care of the sick. Grandma Erma’s out there too, still traveling the world, doing little things to undermine repressive regimes and embolden their people to rise up against their oppressors. There are more family dogs running around as well, pushing kids out of the way of speeding cars and waking sleepy realtors up when they leave tea kettles burning on Viking ranges precariously close to burning condos down.
Our friend Jane, regrettably, is in that Justice League now, too, because of what Muslims did to her eight years ago, when she went to work one day in New York and never came home.
Jane was a foul-mouthed, hyper competitive, loud, boorish, spitfire of an Asian woman. She deliberately never learned to speak unaccented, grammatically correct English because, as she said, “Why should I? I minority. You give me stuff when I talk like this. I stay pushy ’cause you all so guilty for dumb s*** I get raises and promotions and I laught at you. Ha ha ha ha. You stupid, you liberals”. Jane was a piece of work, let us tell you. She’d get a new job and would call everyone she knew to laugh at them, because she was making so much money and they were struggling. But, quietly, if ever you were out and she knew you were looking for work and couldn’t really afford to chip in, she’d somehow manage to pay your share of the check, and would claim “that stupid waiter f****ed it up, so yours is free! Ha ha ha. They so stupid, so now you win!”.
Jane was a Hello, Kitty trapped inside an especially toothsome and potty-mouthed sabertooth.
It is a daily, unbearable tragedy she is not here on Earth today…because the stream of expletives she’d unleash upon the current administration in Washington over its decision to bring Khalid Sheik-Muhammad (KSM) to civilian trial in New York City would have honest to goodness peeled the paint off the White House. There would have been an immediate Secret Service alert issued for Dr. Utopia himself, with burly muscled black-suited men lifting him out of his chair (“Wheeeeee!”) and yanking him down the secret stairs to the protective bunker because Jane would have stormed from New York to Washington on her own steam, as fast as her tiny little legs could have carried her, like a robot sent from the future after one of the Connors.
We honestly, channeling Jane, are so furious at this moment that we can barely think straight.
Of all the terrible, America-hating, foolish, destructive things the current POTUS has done, this really does take the cake.
KSM should be tried in a military tribunal. And then he should be executed. Just as this Muslim executed our friend Jane. ”Sock it to him, you f***ers,” we hear her saying, even now.
Do you remember what the OJ and Michael Jackson trials were like…what circuses they were…because of the black community’s involvement in them?
Despite the evidence at hand, which we firmly believe should have led to convictions for both men, OJ and MJ successfully revved up the black community to ensure maximum disruption for YEARS while those trials played out. Los Angeles was an absolute nightmare during OJ’s. The community where Jackson was tried was completely shut down during his time in court. And the two of them did everything possible to get as much attention and exposure from their time on those platforms as possible.
Bringing KSM to New York for trial, in a courthouse that will be mere blocks from where Jane died, will be exponentially worse on all scales. Not only that, but it invites Muslims to pilgrimage to New York City to make the black community’s antics during the OJ and MJ trials looked reserved and professional by comparison.
New York City is going to be a living Hell for as long as that trial goes on.
And we GUARANTEE you a lunatic is going to slip through the jury vetting process and will make sure it’s a hung verdict. OJ and MJ got off, but we hope the Justice League’s at full force on the day a verdict is reached for KSM so that he’s not so lucky. It would be like New York getting attacked again if this mass-murdering Muslim terrorist is allowed to walk free.
Subjecting New York to all of this is truly the most vile thing Dr. Utopia has done so far.
All jokes aside, from the bottom of our hearts, in all seriousness, we can actually hear Jane screaming, cursing, and calling out for action on this from the other side today. This cannot sit unanswered, people. The White House cannot do this to New York — after already terrifying New Yorkers with that Air Farce One joyride a few months ago (that New Yorkers thought was another hijacked jet being chased by Air Force fighters) — and not suffer a political penalty for it.
No decent American can beleive this is a good decision.
Elections have consequences.
All of you who sat their butts home in 2008 because you didn’t think McCain was Republican enough, or who hated the Clintons so much you wanted to see Hillary lose the nomination, need to own up to what you did in 2008…because look who is president now because of that.
Hillary Clinton and John McCain would not have allowed this to happen.
Elections have consequences.
We can’t stop what Dr. Utopia has set in motion for New York, which now must suffer through 5-10 years of anguish with KSM being tried there…increased invitations for terror attacks included.
But, starting in 2010, we can make sure Dr. Utopia and his allies in Congress and the governorships suffer MIGHTILY for what these out of control Liberal zealots and Muslim apologists are doing.
We lost a good, foul-mouthed, plain-speaking, ball of fire friend on 9/11.
If you thought we were motivated to bring Dr. Utopia down at the ballot box before…well, you ain’t seen nothing yet, f****ers…as Jane would most indignantly say.
